National Adoption Day is this Saturday, November 19th. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, National Adoption Day is a special Saturday where courts open their doors, and judges (family court and otherwise) volunteer to hear and finalize as many adoption cases as possible.
Maricopa County (Phoenix Metro) has had the largest National Adoption Day event for the last 3 years. Our teachers have told us that it is a carnival-like event. They have entertainment, games, face painting, photography, gift bags - and lots of kids who have their adoptions finalized. It's a great feel-good day, and there are tons of smiles!
I've heard that it's a great day, and I think we're going to go downtown to see it in action.
For those in Maricopa County, you can see the details here: http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/events/2011-11-19/maricopa-county-national-adoption-day
Showing posts with label paperwork. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paperwork. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Family Photos...
As part of our adoption process, we need to put together a life book. This book will be a representation of our family to CPS, and will be used during our "red flag" meetings - when a group of specialists (CPS, child advocate, our adoption specialist, and other family specialists) will review a child's file and determine the best set of parents that fit the child's needs. We will not be in those meetings, so the only visual of us will be this book. It will also be shown to the child to give them an idea of the family that will be adopting them. Although the courts will also have our exhaustive home study details, the pictures will speak volumes. In fact, our trainer mentioned that she was in a red flag meeting last week, and that the group had serious concerns with one of the families, because the grandparents "didn't look very happy" in their picture. I'm not joking. So pictures are super important.
The only problem? We don't have any.
Well... we don't have any good ones.
There are several reasons for this.
1. We don't take a ton of pictures except for when we travel. We generally travel together, which means there are rarely pictures of both of us in the picture.
2. I'm not photogenic - or I'm actually way uglier than I think I am, but I'm going with not photogenic.
3. J cannot smile on command. I wish I were joking, but he sucks at it. He looks like he's being tortured, or half asleep, or mad in every picture. So finding a pic that has both of us, where I actually look like a human being, and he is smiling is nearly impossible.
Eileen, you must be exaggerating.
You think so? We made a conscious effort to take photos during our recent trip to Boston. And here are some of the beauties.
Cute picture of us at dinner in the North End.
Attempt #1
Less Normal Happy Uncomfortable Shiny Couple:
Uncle D and Auntie V:
The only problem? We don't have any.
Well... we don't have any good ones.
There are several reasons for this.
1. We don't take a ton of pictures except for when we travel. We generally travel together, which means there are rarely pictures of both of us in the picture.
2. I'm not photogenic - or I'm actually way uglier than I think I am, but I'm going with not photogenic.
3. J cannot smile on command. I wish I were joking, but he sucks at it. He looks like he's being tortured, or half asleep, or mad in every picture. So finding a pic that has both of us, where I actually look like a human being, and he is smiling is nearly impossible.
Eileen, you must be exaggerating.
You think so? We made a conscious effort to take photos during our recent trip to Boston. And here are some of the beauties.
Cute picture of us at dinner in the North End.
Attempt #1
Dinner with rainbows... (and yes this was a digital camera...)
Attempt #2
Blurry Couple.
Attempt #3
By the way, IRL I swear I do not have a double chin...
Attempt #4
Success?! You know, minus the fact that there is a statue of a man smoking cigars between us...and my chin is tilted up to prevent imaginary double chin.
Normal Happy Couple:
Perfect, one shot.
Now let's try J and Eileen:
Squint-tacular.
Round 2: In which J refuses to take his sunglasses off.
Hey, evasive actions were needed here.
There were about 10 more attempts at this one before we gave up, switched direction, and tried to include the whole family. Remember that part about the unhappy looking grandparent?
Take one.
Nana holding her tummy does not indicate that there are any body image issues here, of course.
And an eye-roll for the trifecta! Awesome.
OK last (pathetic) chance is the Patriots Hall of Fame...
Yes, our eyes are both closed, even though we're inside and there was no flash. I don't like parts of that quote anyway...
Yup, best one yet. Again, taken with a stupid-proof, took glorious pictures of trophies and rings, and everything but the owners camera.
Drum roll please... this is our LAST chance.... on the balcony of a bar (we don't drink) looking over the stadium on a day when there is no game... super romantic, and just what you want to put in your life book, and we have...
Success!!
Thankfully, one of the people in my adoption class takes family portraits. So yes, we'll be trying her services!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Adoption Training Class!
I am a big dork - I really like to learn. When people ask what I would do if I won the powerball, I always say that I would go to school forever. I'd take random classes on things I didn't know anything about. I'd soak up the opportunities to learn. This is important because our adoption training classes are starting this week. You need to know that my pencils are sharpened, and I have fresh notebooks that are just waiting to opened. I love any class that is going to teach me something I don't know. In this case, I don't know a lot. Since I have no idea how it will go, I'm going to do half of this post before we go, and half afterwards. That way you can get a fuller range of emotions. I may have no idea how it will go, but I have a lot of preconceived notions. :)
BEFORE: It's Wednesday morning, and our first class is tonight.
Things I know:
The Temperature: Lukewarm
Right now, we have actively not committed to anything. We want to have a family, but we also still really love our lives together. We've chosen to go through the classes to educate ourselves, and prepare for the possibility if we choose to move forward after the training classes. However, for us, going through 12 weeks of training does not mean that we HAVE to adopt. My choice to write this blog is to capture our thoughts as we go through the steps of the process, but I will not feel obligated to adopt because of it. So, though it's potentially exciting to take the classes - and today could, in retrospect, be a big day for us - it's not a defining day. It's not going to shape the remainder of our lives unless we choose to adopt later down the road.
AFTER:
So the first class went well. I didn't run out of the building screaming madly about the freaks at Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, but I also didn't drive away honking the horn in excitement and waving a banner out the window that we would be adopting. It was a pretty dry, informational meeting, though it sounds like it will perk up after all the initial rules and definitions have been reviewed.
There was an interesting activity that we did as an ice breaker - Some people were given cards of types of children in the foster care system, and the others received cards of different types of parents. There were more kids than parents, and we had to go find a good fit. My card read "I am 9 years old. My biological parents are drug users, and I need to find a forever family who can help me deal with my past." I found a good match - a parent who has helped a family member deal with drug abuse - but even more, I met a really amazing woman who has 5 kids, and a soon-to-be foster daughter. She told me a story about the foster daughter that just rocked me to the core - more than any of the kids that we reviewed in profiles during the course of the night.
One of the things that I really liked were that we reviewing profiles of children who have actually been through the system. We used the profiles to go over things like child strengths/needs, risk and safety assessments, etc. I thought it was more powerful knowing that this child exists, and has been through the program than it would have been with a made-up example. This way, we get a better idea of the kids who would be coming to us.
Things I know:
 |
| Love school, love apples. Chalk, meh. http://nolesfamily.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/alphabet-chalkboard.png |
BEFORE: It's Wednesday morning, and our first class is tonight.
Things I know:
- Training will last for 12 weeks
- The classes are from 6:30pm - 9:30pm (EEEK, I go to bed at 7pm people!)
- There will be prospective foster parents and adoptive parents in the class
- Our pre-training paperwork is due on the first night (I finished two days ago, thank you!)
- I've been told that this class could be renamed "1500 reasons why you shouldn't adopt" - which scares me, maybe, just a little bit.
- I have a hard time believing that everyone will have completed their paperwork. Maybe I just think I'm better than everyone else, but I generally enjoy paperwork, and this was a slog. So, there's a small part of me that hopes no one else finished, and we can go
to bedhome early. - J and I feel strongly about not fostering. For us, it's just not the right choice - and as much as we want to help kids, it has to be something that isn't emotionally devastating for us. Based on the fact that we see Syd approximately 30 days out of 365, fostering just isn't a healthy option for us. That said, I'm feeling kind of like the lone atheist in a crowded room- based on the situation right now in AZ, I'm worried that there will be a lot of pressure to foster, and I'm going to keep politely and respectfully refusing. Even if/when J succumbs.
 |
| I'm the kid raising her hand. J's the kid with the spaced out look in back. http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x3610665/eager_student_1797350.jpg |
The Temperature: Lukewarm
Right now, we have actively not committed to anything. We want to have a family, but we also still really love our lives together. We've chosen to go through the classes to educate ourselves, and prepare for the possibility if we choose to move forward after the training classes. However, for us, going through 12 weeks of training does not mean that we HAVE to adopt. My choice to write this blog is to capture our thoughts as we go through the steps of the process, but I will not feel obligated to adopt because of it. So, though it's potentially exciting to take the classes - and today could, in retrospect, be a big day for us - it's not a defining day. It's not going to shape the remainder of our lives unless we choose to adopt later down the road.
AFTER:
So the first class went well. I didn't run out of the building screaming madly about the freaks at Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, but I also didn't drive away honking the horn in excitement and waving a banner out the window that we would be adopting. It was a pretty dry, informational meeting, though it sounds like it will perk up after all the initial rules and definitions have been reviewed.
 |
| Happy with books, notebooks, binders, and an apple - http://www.cenlafocus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/teacher.jpg |
There was an interesting activity that we did as an ice breaker - Some people were given cards of types of children in the foster care system, and the others received cards of different types of parents. There were more kids than parents, and we had to go find a good fit. My card read "I am 9 years old. My biological parents are drug users, and I need to find a forever family who can help me deal with my past." I found a good match - a parent who has helped a family member deal with drug abuse - but even more, I met a really amazing woman who has 5 kids, and a soon-to-be foster daughter. She told me a story about the foster daughter that just rocked me to the core - more than any of the kids that we reviewed in profiles during the course of the night.
One of the things that I really liked were that we reviewing profiles of children who have actually been through the system. We used the profiles to go over things like child strengths/needs, risk and safety assessments, etc. I thought it was more powerful knowing that this child exists, and has been through the program than it would have been with a made-up example. This way, we get a better idea of the kids who would be coming to us.
Things I know:
- All of the items above are still true
- There are 34 people in our class, 16 couples, and two singles
- Most of the other parents have not finished their pre-training paperwork
- We will not be getting out of class early - ever
- The classes are well structured, and we get agendas and packets for a binder each week (I love this)
- There is a TON of info to go through, and we will not get through all of it in class - homework!
- The trainers were very open to the idea of parents who were only interested in adoption
- How we'll feel at the end of this program
- How many paper cuts I'll have accumulated by the last packet (current count is 2)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sisyphean Challenge!
For those of you following along, we're back to "current", having cleaned up the history piece of this adoption puzzle. The current state is PAPERWORK. Right now, we're trying to tackle the 85 pages of paperwork required in order to attend training class.
None of this paperwork will count toward our home study or dossier. (This is where I keep having to hold my tongue as I receive frequent word that AZ is hurting so badly that not only are the foster homes maxed out, but so are group homes, and juvi centers, and now CPS kids are now living in homeless shelters - yet it takes 85 pages for me to take a training class. I understand the reasoning behind it, but it still rankles my mortal soul.)
When I started reading other adoption blogs, I heard the word paperwork tossed out everywhere, but there were no clear descriptions of what they were talking about. So, I'm going to share some of the forms and questions that need to be filled out. I *promise* that I am not exaggerating or adding any fake questions. These are real, people.
Pre-Training Required Documents:
- Reference forms (2 relatives, 3 non-relatives)
- Official Application (15 pages)
- Training Profile (10 pages)
- Profile of Existing Child (2 pages)
- Profile of Family with Children (10 pages)
- Personal Profile (15 pages each)
- Personal Profile by Child (5 pages)
- Child's Medical Background and Immunization
- Criminal History Self-Disclosure (5 pages)
- Fingerprinting Cards (2 or 3 copies each, still need to confirm)
- DPS Waiver (each)
- DPS Application (each)
The hardest part of this was emailing J's ex - "Hey! Can you please take the time to sit down and walk Syd through all of this paperwork, and also send a notarized letter that we're up to date on your child support, and also go to the doctor to get her immunization and health forms filled out, so that we could try to adopt a child? Thanks! K, Bye!" Families are complicated.
I actually really like paperwork. It's like a test I know I can ace. I'm also fairly organized, so we have copies of all of our important documents, and I have things like VIN numbers, monthly expenses, and 10 years work and housing history that could be challenging to remember or track down. However, even I have been thrown by some of these questions - which are either ridiculous or incredibly difficult to answer.
Some gems:
From the Criminal History Self-Disclosure Form (keeping in mind that I don't drink, have never had a cigarette, done a drug, or gotten a speeding ticket - and I'm still a fun girl!) some of the acceptable, appealable offenses for prospective adoptive parents:
Then it gets really messy.
From the Personal Profile packet:
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed anger?
Hmm... let me take some time to write a detailed reply that is honest, and yet reflects my family in the best possible light, so that we are well received. Typing... deleting... typing... typing... good!
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed disappointment?
Jesus, this is the same damn thing. Grr. Ok, let me try to rephrase the exact same info in a slightly different way. Phew, good thing I have a firm grasp on the English language.
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed frustration?
AHHHHHHH BY YELLING AT STUPID QUESTIONS ON PAPERS!!!
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed stress?
*head desk* Ok seriously? This is freaking ridiculous. Can we go back to that whole I've never kidnapped anyone thing?
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed sadness/depression?
Tears - lots of tears, as they imagined drowning in paperwork and never being able to start a family.
More from the Profile packet - keeping in mind that we need to fill it out together:
What do you like least about being married and living with someone else?
What would make you want or consider a divorce?
What would you most like to change about your partner?
What do you dislike most about being a parent?
And finally, some nice jabs from Syd that she included in her paperwork (she's 8):
In what ways are you different from your Mom? I can cook.
Do you like to spend time with lots of friends, a few friends, or mostly by yourself? I love to spend time with my friends. I have lots of friends. I wish I could have more play dates.
Imagine that today I am bringing a new child to live at your house. What do you hope this new person will be like? A boy, or a girl? How old? What will they like to do? What will they look like? Boy, 3 - but potty trained (thanks Syd ) would play with S's brother, and he would love to cook. He'd be tan like our color, and would have blue eyes (yay! She likes something about me, I'm the only blue eyed person in the family)
As I am driving over, what would you like me to tell the child about your family? My parents are divorced. You get to live with my Daddy. I live in Florida, and I hope we'll get along.
(And finally - as she realizes at the end of the last question that there will not be a question about where she wants the children to sleep - her biggest issue - she adds it herself ) Tell me about you: I live in Jacksonville. I go to ___ Elementary and I am in 3rd grade. I live with my Mom, my Daddy Michael, my step brother T, and my sister M. I go to Arizona in the summer and I go to the Jewish Community Center summer camp when I am there. The new child will have lots of love. The new kid will sleep in his own room.
We have about half of the paperwork filled out at this point, and need to have it all completed in the next 10 days. Here's hoping! *face palm* *rub eyes*
None of this paperwork will count toward our home study or dossier. (This is where I keep having to hold my tongue as I receive frequent word that AZ is hurting so badly that not only are the foster homes maxed out, but so are group homes, and juvi centers, and now CPS kids are now living in homeless shelters - yet it takes 85 pages for me to take a training class. I understand the reasoning behind it, but it still rankles my mortal soul.)
When I started reading other adoption blogs, I heard the word paperwork tossed out everywhere, but there were no clear descriptions of what they were talking about. So, I'm going to share some of the forms and questions that need to be filled out. I *promise* that I am not exaggerating or adding any fake questions. These are real, people.
 |
| Accordhr.com |
- Reference forms (2 relatives, 3 non-relatives)
- Official Application (15 pages)
- Training Profile (10 pages)
- Profile of Existing Child (2 pages)
- Profile of Family with Children (10 pages)
- Personal Profile (15 pages each)
- Personal Profile by Child (5 pages)
- Child's Medical Background and Immunization
- Criminal History Self-Disclosure (5 pages)
- Fingerprinting Cards (2 or 3 copies each, still need to confirm)
- DPS Waiver (each)
- DPS Application (each)
The hardest part of this was emailing J's ex - "Hey! Can you please take the time to sit down and walk Syd through all of this paperwork, and also send a notarized letter that we're up to date on your child support, and also go to the doctor to get her immunization and health forms filled out, so that we could try to adopt a child? Thanks! K, Bye!" Families are complicated.
I actually really like paperwork. It's like a test I know I can ace. I'm also fairly organized, so we have copies of all of our important documents, and I have things like VIN numbers, monthly expenses, and 10 years work and housing history that could be challenging to remember or track down. However, even I have been thrown by some of these questions - which are either ridiculous or incredibly difficult to answer.
 |
| fentonreport.com |
From the Criminal History Self-Disclosure Form (keeping in mind that I don't drink, have never had a cigarette, done a drug, or gotten a speeding ticket - and I'm still a fun girl!) some of the acceptable, appealable offenses for prospective adoptive parents:
- Involving or using minors in drug offenses - as long as it was 5 years ago, you're good to go!
- Selling or giving nitrous oxide to underage persons - no biggie!
- Theft, burglary, fraud, and forgery
- Depositing explosives - what does this even mean?
- Misdemeanor offenses involving child neglect - ok seriously, I don't even drink. Can we skip the paperwork, and save a kid from a homeless shelter now?
- Misdemeanor domestic violence - a great way to raise children
- Cruelty to animals - no one who is cruel to animals should get a kid. Enda.
- Kidnapping!! KIDNAPPING. That's not even a wait 5 years until you can appeal offense.
Then it gets really messy.
 |
| http://acccbuzz.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/paperwork1.gif |
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed anger?
Hmm... let me take some time to write a detailed reply that is honest, and yet reflects my family in the best possible light, so that we are well received. Typing... deleting... typing... typing... good!
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed disappointment?
Jesus, this is the same damn thing. Grr. Ok, let me try to rephrase the exact same info in a slightly different way. Phew, good thing I have a firm grasp on the English language.
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed frustration?
AHHHHHHH BY YELLING AT STUPID QUESTIONS ON PAPERS!!!
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed stress?
*head desk* Ok seriously? This is freaking ridiculous. Can we go back to that whole I've never kidnapped anyone thing?
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed sadness/depression?
Tears - lots of tears, as they imagined drowning in paperwork and never being able to start a family.
 |
| http://drdbroker.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/womandrowning-in-paperwork.jpg |
More from the Profile packet - keeping in mind that we need to fill it out together:
What do you like least about being married and living with someone else?
What would make you want or consider a divorce?
What would you most like to change about your partner?
What do you dislike most about being a parent?
And finally, some nice jabs from Syd that she included in her paperwork (she's 8):
In what ways are you different from your Mom? I can cook.
Do you like to spend time with lots of friends, a few friends, or mostly by yourself? I love to spend time with my friends. I have lots of friends. I wish I could have more play dates.
Imagine that today I am bringing a new child to live at your house. What do you hope this new person will be like? A boy, or a girl? How old? What will they like to do? What will they look like? Boy, 3 - but potty trained (thanks Syd ) would play with S's brother, and he would love to cook. He'd be tan like our color, and would have blue eyes (yay! She likes something about me, I'm the only blue eyed person in the family)
As I am driving over, what would you like me to tell the child about your family? My parents are divorced. You get to live with my Daddy. I live in Florida, and I hope we'll get along.
(And finally - as she realizes at the end of the last question that there will not be a question about where she wants the children to sleep - her biggest issue - she adds it herself ) Tell me about you: I live in Jacksonville. I go to ___ Elementary and I am in 3rd grade. I live with my Mom, my Daddy Michael, my step brother T, and my sister M. I go to Arizona in the summer and I go to the Jewish Community Center summer camp when I am there. The new child will have lots of love. The new kid will sleep in his own room.
We have about half of the paperwork filled out at this point, and need to have it all completed in the next 10 days. Here's hoping! *face palm* *rub eyes*
Monday, August 15, 2011
Initial Home Visit
Hi All,
Welcome to my new blog, Adventures in Adoption. Long post initially - I promist they won't all be this long. A couple of housekeeping notes:
- For those (few) of you who have this blog on your following role, it has been repurposed from tri/running race reports, to now be focused on our adoption process. Feel free to unfollow, you won't hurt my feelings.
- Since it's being repurposed, the blogs from 2009 and prior are old blogs that I still want to keep, but they have nothing to do with adoption. :)
- We had our initial home visit this past weekend, and so I'm going to start with fresh details, then play catch up, so this is not exactly in chronological order.
- We are going through the process of a Foster/Adopt Adoption, or DES Adoption - basically, kids that are eligible for adoption through Child Protective Services. We will not be fostering children who are not eligible for adoption. If you have any questions, feel free to ask - but I'll be covering those details in another post.
About two days before the home visit, I started thinking that I needed to write everything down. Part of it was so that I would remember the details of this process to tell to children later. The other part was that a lot of the blogs I was reading/searching/hunting for info on the initial home visit didn't really say much about the details. There were no how to steps, no prep for what to expect. It was mostly "CLEANED EVERYTHING!!", followed by "NO sweat, 10 minutes, why was I panicking?" This was not very helpful when I myself was panicking. And this leads to my thanking my twitter and IRL friends for being soothing, calm, and answering questions like "Do I make the bed? Or is that too obvious? Do I unvacuum the vacuum lines? What do you think about flowers on the kitchen table? HELP!! I'm ironing the shower curtain and I can't stop!"
So, in addition to my emotions and feelings for this process, I also want to let you know what I did - and how it worked out.
So, without getting into too much detail - once we decided on a US adoption, I had reviewed several agencies, gone to a Valley wide multiple agency orientation, and we decided on the agency for us. I filled out the initial interest paper (1 pg, nothing detailed) and handed it in. Within a day, our licensing specialist Diana called (and we were thrilled to get her, as we have some friends who recently adopted, and they had her as their specialist and loved her). She gave me her name, email, phone, asked for my contact details, told me she lived just a few blocks away, and then set up an initial home visit time and date. During that visit, she just wanted to get to know us, fill out some initial paperwork, and take a glance around the house.
This sounded like an absolutely adequate amount of information until... two days before the visit. That was when I realized that I had no idea what kinds of questions she would ask to get to know us (Favorite color? Am I a picky eater? Do I have a criminal record?), what kind of paperwork we'd be filling out (I was thinking everything from household income, to military release paperwork - which luckily I had handy), and glancing around the house kicked my OCD self into action.
In preparation, I was told by a family who was involved in a foster program that too neat is just as much of a turn off as too dirty. This killed me. Aparently, some agencies feel that Better Homes and Garden neat means that the family is completely unprepared for the messy monsters that will be coming to live with you. J and I are pretty neat in general. It's not that we clean every surface three times a day , but there's only two of us, and neither one is a slob, so the house doesn't really get messy. In retrospect, I probably could have cleaned off the counter tops, and been fine. But, instead, I rescheduled the cleaning ladies to come the day before the visit, cleaned out closets, reoganized the office, wiped away the vaccuum lines in all carpeted areas and the couches, swept the front courtyard, organized the pantry (things were starting to go OCD awry when the labels all had to be facing front), and yes, I ironed the shower curtain in the guest bath. But from there, I was struggling with too neat - so then I did a poll on bed making (end concensus was smooth out the comforter, but don't put decorative pillows up, let the guest bed and Sydni's bed stay made, and nice) and that lasted until about 2 hours before the meeting, when I did in fact put decorative pillows on our bed. I just. couldn't. help. myself. I also did a poll on clothing options (I wore nice jeans, and a comfy, modest black top, J went with red sox t-shirt, and khaki shorts), how many dishes I should leave in the sink (breakfast dishes), and what would constitute "lived in" (for me, scattering books around the house). I did all this anticipating she would be in the house for 10 minutes, and not look at any of it.
I was wrong.
The initial home visit took almost two hours. We filled out and reviewed mounds of paperwork, and she reviewed every part of the house to check for "potential issues" and give suggestions on things that we would need to prepare for the final home visit, after our training. I was so glad I had cleaned out the closets, you have no idea.
The good news was that I felt like she appreciated our (sometimes painful) honesty, she clearly liked the house - making comments about how big the closet was, how much she liked my bookshelves in the office, that she liked the floor plan, that we had a nice layout, and overall that we were clearly safety concious, and there were not too many changes to make. Also, for those of you following along, the smoke alarms did not chirp once while she was there. Whew. I think we made a good and realistic first impression.
The questions that she asked us were mostly on parenting. What experiences did we have with children? Had we ever worked with special needs or at risk youth? What were our preferences regarding age, ethnicity, and gender? All questions we were well prepared to answer. The paperwork is amazing. It was given in three segments - initial home visit, before training, and home study.
During the home visit, we filled out the following:
- Adoptive Families Central Registry Records Clearance (CPS background check)
- Initial Visit Questions (above)
- Adoption Orientation Checklist
- Agency Policies
- Agency Fee for Home Studies Agreement
- Department of Economic Security Release of Information
- Release of Information/Training Attendance
We were given large packets (to be discussed in a future post) to be turned in before training. Those packets included:
- Personal Profile (one for me, one for J, one for Sydni to fill out - each about 12 pages)
- 5 References - family and friends
- Application (16 pages, everything from householding info, detailed financial records, 10 years physical addresses, 10 years employment history...exhaustive details)
- Training profile (10 pgs)
- 3 sets of fingerprinting cards, each
I can't even think about the paperwork to be filled out for the home study, but it includes marriage licenses, divorce decrees, child support tables, medical reviews, counseling, CPR documentation, military discharge paperwork, credit reports, etc. It's amazing how little paperwork needs to be signed to have your own children, and yet if you want to do a good thing and raise a child without a family, well then, let's make sure CPS has your tally of birthmarks, previous haircuts, and blood type on file.
So from here, we're on paperwork duty (for those keeping track at home, the queen of papercuts has already received one from this stack - feel free to put over/under bets for the entire process tally in the comments). Our training class starts on September 21st, and we are tentatively optimistic!
Welcome to my new blog, Adventures in Adoption. Long post initially - I promist they won't all be this long. A couple of housekeeping notes:
- For those (few) of you who have this blog on your following role, it has been repurposed from tri/running race reports, to now be focused on our adoption process. Feel free to unfollow, you won't hurt my feelings.
- Since it's being repurposed, the blogs from 2009 and prior are old blogs that I still want to keep, but they have nothing to do with adoption. :)
- We had our initial home visit this past weekend, and so I'm going to start with fresh details, then play catch up, so this is not exactly in chronological order.
- We are going through the process of a Foster/Adopt Adoption, or DES Adoption - basically, kids that are eligible for adoption through Child Protective Services. We will not be fostering children who are not eligible for adoption. If you have any questions, feel free to ask - but I'll be covering those details in another post.
About two days before the home visit, I started thinking that I needed to write everything down. Part of it was so that I would remember the details of this process to tell to children later. The other part was that a lot of the blogs I was reading/searching/hunting for info on the initial home visit didn't really say much about the details. There were no how to steps, no prep for what to expect. It was mostly "CLEANED EVERYTHING!!", followed by "NO sweat, 10 minutes, why was I panicking?" This was not very helpful when I myself was panicking. And this leads to my thanking my twitter and IRL friends for being soothing, calm, and answering questions like "Do I make the bed? Or is that too obvious? Do I unvacuum the vacuum lines? What do you think about flowers on the kitchen table? HELP!! I'm ironing the shower curtain and I can't stop!"
So, in addition to my emotions and feelings for this process, I also want to let you know what I did - and how it worked out.
So, without getting into too much detail - once we decided on a US adoption, I had reviewed several agencies, gone to a Valley wide multiple agency orientation, and we decided on the agency for us. I filled out the initial interest paper (1 pg, nothing detailed) and handed it in. Within a day, our licensing specialist Diana called (and we were thrilled to get her, as we have some friends who recently adopted, and they had her as their specialist and loved her). She gave me her name, email, phone, asked for my contact details, told me she lived just a few blocks away, and then set up an initial home visit time and date. During that visit, she just wanted to get to know us, fill out some initial paperwork, and take a glance around the house.
This sounded like an absolutely adequate amount of information until... two days before the visit. That was when I realized that I had no idea what kinds of questions she would ask to get to know us (Favorite color? Am I a picky eater? Do I have a criminal record?), what kind of paperwork we'd be filling out (I was thinking everything from household income, to military release paperwork - which luckily I had handy), and glancing around the house kicked my OCD self into action.
In preparation, I was told by a family who was involved in a foster program that too neat is just as much of a turn off as too dirty. This killed me. Aparently, some agencies feel that Better Homes and Garden neat means that the family is completely unprepared for the messy monsters that will be coming to live with you. J and I are pretty neat in general. It's not that we clean every surface three times a day , but there's only two of us, and neither one is a slob, so the house doesn't really get messy. In retrospect, I probably could have cleaned off the counter tops, and been fine. But, instead, I rescheduled the cleaning ladies to come the day before the visit, cleaned out closets, reoganized the office, wiped away the vaccuum lines in all carpeted areas and the couches, swept the front courtyard, organized the pantry (things were starting to go OCD awry when the labels all had to be facing front), and yes, I ironed the shower curtain in the guest bath. But from there, I was struggling with too neat - so then I did a poll on bed making (end concensus was smooth out the comforter, but don't put decorative pillows up, let the guest bed and Sydni's bed stay made, and nice) and that lasted until about 2 hours before the meeting, when I did in fact put decorative pillows on our bed. I just. couldn't. help. myself. I also did a poll on clothing options (I wore nice jeans, and a comfy, modest black top, J went with red sox t-shirt, and khaki shorts), how many dishes I should leave in the sink (breakfast dishes), and what would constitute "lived in" (for me, scattering books around the house). I did all this anticipating she would be in the house for 10 minutes, and not look at any of it.
I was wrong.
The initial home visit took almost two hours. We filled out and reviewed mounds of paperwork, and she reviewed every part of the house to check for "potential issues" and give suggestions on things that we would need to prepare for the final home visit, after our training. I was so glad I had cleaned out the closets, you have no idea.
The good news was that I felt like she appreciated our (sometimes painful) honesty, she clearly liked the house - making comments about how big the closet was, how much she liked my bookshelves in the office, that she liked the floor plan, that we had a nice layout, and overall that we were clearly safety concious, and there were not too many changes to make. Also, for those of you following along, the smoke alarms did not chirp once while she was there. Whew. I think we made a good and realistic first impression.
The questions that she asked us were mostly on parenting. What experiences did we have with children? Had we ever worked with special needs or at risk youth? What were our preferences regarding age, ethnicity, and gender? All questions we were well prepared to answer. The paperwork is amazing. It was given in three segments - initial home visit, before training, and home study.
During the home visit, we filled out the following:
- Adoptive Families Central Registry Records Clearance (CPS background check)
- Initial Visit Questions (above)
- Adoption Orientation Checklist
- Agency Policies
- Agency Fee for Home Studies Agreement
- Department of Economic Security Release of Information
- Release of Information/Training Attendance
We were given large packets (to be discussed in a future post) to be turned in before training. Those packets included:
- Personal Profile (one for me, one for J, one for Sydni to fill out - each about 12 pages)
- 5 References - family and friends
- Application (16 pages, everything from householding info, detailed financial records, 10 years physical addresses, 10 years employment history...exhaustive details)
- Training profile (10 pgs)
- 3 sets of fingerprinting cards, each
I can't even think about the paperwork to be filled out for the home study, but it includes marriage licenses, divorce decrees, child support tables, medical reviews, counseling, CPR documentation, military discharge paperwork, credit reports, etc. It's amazing how little paperwork needs to be signed to have your own children, and yet if you want to do a good thing and raise a child without a family, well then, let's make sure CPS has your tally of birthmarks, previous haircuts, and blood type on file.
So from here, we're on paperwork duty (for those keeping track at home, the queen of papercuts has already received one from this stack - feel free to put over/under bets for the entire process tally in the comments). Our training class starts on September 21st, and we are tentatively optimistic!
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