It has been an amazing week. I’m not sure how it happened, but I’ve had ups and downs, and it’s been a real week of learning about myself.
First, I promise I’m not getting political here, but as a bi-racial woman, I have to say that it was really cool to see Obama get elected. I don’t think I ever realized that there was a hidden ceiling in my mind about what I could accomplish, but if it was there, it crumpled on Tuesday night. I actually did stay up and watch it, and it was spectacular. I really wish that I had been in Chicago – I bet it would have been pretty remarkable to experience live. As it was, having MSNBC announce it at 9pm (my time) and then go straight to the crowds in Chicago, DC, and NYC, and see the celebration for 5 solid minutes with no voice-overs (yes I checked my watch) was pretty cool. We may never see that kind of joyous celebration of Acceptance again, and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to see it – unedited.
It’s funny because Wednesday morning, for the first time in a LONG time, I felt a sense of rampant optimism flooding my veins, and feeling like maybe, just maybe, we had a shot again, and that things could eventually get better. I’m sure I flashed one too many smiles, but it wasn’t even about political feelings, it was a release of a feeling of oppression, and overwhelming negativity that I didn’t even realize was bogging me down.
From a training perspective, my struggle with focus has led me to actually try some new things. Trying new things is NOT in my lexicon, generally speaking. I took a test several years ago that told you your Chinese elemental profile. It was deceptively simple, but had profound thoughts on balancing yourself. It was supposed to tell you an element that you had an excess off (your main element) and an element that you were deficient in, to help you balance yourself out. Except, I was so metal (think strong, sharp, straight lined form, consistent, sparkling, penetrating, unbendable, unyielding, cold) that it just told me that I had an excess of metal twice. Apparently I’m deficient in everything else. The number one thing that the test suggested to balance myself was:
“Try something that you’re not good naturally good at. Take a yoga class, or try to cook something new. You need to be uncomfortable in order to grow.”
This has stuck with me since I took the test. I still park in the same parking spot, and I still do things in a particular order every day, and I still drive the same way, and I still prepare for the day the same way, but at least I know that I SHOULD be trying new things. It’s just really really hard for me to experiment, when I always want my end result to be successful. I know that my current path is successful, but who can say that the new one will be?? Failure can put me in a tailspin. So, putting the stationary bike on “Random” instead of “Manual” is a real challenge. This week though, I did it. I also mixed up my three event day, so I biked throughout rather than just doing them in order. I ran at the bike park, outside. I made a “chicken lettuce wrap” meal for dinner this week. I’ve been doing extra stretching, specifically plank pose and down-facing-dog sets. My iPod has been on random, rather than in order – although this is because of a software glitch, and I’ll admit is absolutely driving me crazy - but it’s refreshing to hear some songs I’ve forgotten about in a different order.
So far, none of these things has been a failure, and maybe it’s even added a little fun to my day, and allowed me to focus in a different way from the consistency that I’m used to.
No word on the job front, for either team. I did hear that Mr. Turkey Sandwich got an interview, and my initial reaction was to be completely and totally bitter about the fact that I’m going to get looked over for someone who has literally schedules his calls around Oprah. It’s a total slap in the face that I would be looked over for that clown. Of course I still don’t know if I’m going to get to interview or not, but this was just my initial reaction. I spent the evening stewing about all the work that I’ve done, and all of the Oprah I’ve missed out on.
This time, J exposed me to his wisdom, which was simple – who cares if I get a manager position or not? Really, will it define me? The truth is that it will not. If I don’t get one of the manager positions, I’ll simply get the opportunity to spend more time focusing on myself and my priorities. I can coach in the spring for GOTR, I can continue to focus on my health, I can not stress out about work, because I’ll still be a minion, and that will be ok with me. Success means more stress, more travel, a little more money, but a lot more crap. So I’ve come to grips with it either way. I will be at peace regardless, and I will be able to move in a positive direction regardless.
"Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas JOY arises from within" - Eckhart Tolle