eisparklz

My Personal Feelings on Kony 2012

2012-03-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

A little secret for you all - If I was independantly wealthy, I would become an active advocate for The Girl Effect. Since I'm not, I do what I can. I would not classify myself as a rabid feminist. I wear skirts. Even when I run. I love sparkles and pink. I don't think women should be exactly the same as men - we're not. But I do think girls should be given the opportunity to be educated. I do think girls can help their communities and economies with their own skills. And I do NOT think that girls should be raped and hacked up with machetes as a tool of warfare, and psychological domination. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

My interest in the Girl Effect leads to a variety of subjects, and non-profits that I support. I was first introduced to Women for Women International in 2007, when I signed up for a local race "Run for Congo Women" (and yes, it annoys me that it's not grammatically correct). WfW focuses on helping women in war torn regions receive an education - learning to read and write, but also technical skills - developing a skill, learning to run a business, understanding legal rights.

I have a passion for Kiva, where letting someone in the world borrow $25 can help them with their business - which they pay back, and you can give to someone else to help with their business. I've helped 89 inidividuals and groups of women to improve their businesses in 45 countries. I loan to Christian women, and Muslim women. I loan to women in the US and Uganda. Their repayments go to new loans, so they are really helping each other. I LOVE that.

In addition to WfW and Kiva, I support Refuge Point. My SIL was one of the first people to come to the US after the Refugee Act was passed. She works for Refuge Point, who provide protection, health and community service to refugees and refugee camps in war torn regions of Africa.

Which brings us to Joseph Kony. Kony is a bad guy. He is the leader of the LRA, and has spent 27 years stealing children, turning them into soldiers, forcing them to rape and kill people, and has torn up several countries in Africa in his attempts at domination. The #Kony2012 campaign has one aim - to capture Kony, and have him stand trial for crimes against humanity.

The Kony 2012 campaign by Invisible Children is easy. All it's asking for is that you be a voice. You don't have to donate, though you can. You don't have to contact your senators, though you can. All that is asked is that you watch a video, and share it. Your job is to create chatter - and if you're reading this blog, you can create chatter.

Non-profit work is hard. It's often not as successful as people hope. If you want to see the good, bad, and ugly of grassroots work, I heartily recommend that you read Half the Sky, by Nick Kristof and Sheryl Wu Dunn. It shows how hard it is to do a good thing, even when you want to. There's been some backlash that this is too easy. That it won't really accomplish anything. People like to poke holes. They like to feel superior. They like to say that a situation is too complex, that something is too simple. That it can't work.

But sometimes, to conquer an enormously complex issue, you need to start small - otherwise the task is daunting and paralyzing. Kony 2012 is as small and as granular as this specific issue can get. Catch one man. It won't solve everything. But if it works, it can show that Humanity outranks Politics. It shows us that together we can do a lot more than we can divided. And it creates a beginning - a roadmap - that we can use to get better, and deeper, over time.

I believe in positive thought. I believe that we are all connected. I believe that if people push a positive idea, it can overtake a negative one. Some people call it collective consciousness. Some people call it group prayer. Some people call it hope.

My Dad told me when I was a kid that if I did something, I could assume that other people would do it too, but if I didn't do something, I had to assume that no one else would either. I'm choosing to do something. I'm spreading the message. Watch the video. Make a choice. Make Kony famous.

I'm still alive people, and I have a new obsession...

2012-03-07T06:00:00.004-08:00

This post is about my experiences at Crossfit Infernal in Chandler, AZ. They are not aware that I'm posting this, and my opinions are completely my own. If you're interested, you can check them out at http://crossfitinfernal.com/, or on twitter at @CFInfernal

OK, so about a month ago, I told you all that I was going to try Crossfit. Then I didn't post anything for a month, so I'm sure you thought I died attempting to do a hand stand push up, or something equally heroic.

Hint: I can't do this http://crossfiteastsac.typepad.com/.a/6a010534fc7768970b01156f3555a6970c-500wi

Well I didn't die (yet). However, I absolutely love it, even though it still terrifies me, so I'm going to tell you why. (Did you hear @autamday just groan, because she's heard me talk about nothing else for the last month? 'Cause I did. I heard her groan.)

My first day at "the box" (which I'll admit always sounds a littly dirty)

I was immediately greeted by Will, in a very open and friendly way. He made eye contact, he didn't look at me and scoff. By the way, this is Will:

In case you thought that open friendly eye contact meant a lack of intimidation http://crossfitinfernal.com/

He took me through a starter work out to get a handle on my (lack of) fitness. This included 500m row (cake), 400m run (I'm still slow at 400 m), 40 squats (surprisingly ok!), 30 situps (I was hoping for death about 15 in), 20 push ups (girly ones allowed, still stunk), and 10 pull ups (or as I like to call them, jumping up and down on a box while holding onto a bar)
He was very encouraging and nice. His coaching was constructive and positive. He made me feel like I did a good job.
I stayed for the real workout, which J attended. About 4 minutes into it J was trying to be supportive, and I wanted to die of humiliation. We left mad at each other, and determined (again) that we cannot work out together. We also determined that this was completely my fault - which it honestly is.

Day 2:

Where I met Greg, one of the owners. He was possibly even nicer, and very welcoming. He told me to do "only" 75 wall balls, rather than 150, and let me do every 3rd monster truck tire flip, instead of every other one.

This is Greg. Totally not intimidating, right? http://crossfitinfernal.com/

My notes for this class said "I feel proud!"

Day 3: Greg again

The workout was 30 handstand pushups, 40 pull ups, 50 kb swings, 60 situps (remember when I wanted to die at 15?), 70 burpees
Eileen: So... I can't do any of those things
Greg: Give it a try. We'll scale if you need to
Eileen: *dies*
Eileen actually completed something along the lines of this workout in 22:15, which was approximately 12 minutes slower than her husband. She knows this, because the box has a white board where everyone's daily results are listed. This validated that they should not work out together, ever.
My notes for this workout said "My knees were down on the pushup, even with the blue band (the heaviest assister) pull ups are still impossible, kb swings were at 18lbs, sit ups meh. Burpees had horrible form, I don't even know how people can do these. This was really tough - but I will get better."
Coach Greg made sure to tell me after class that I had done a really good job.
Note: the next day, I was trying to make myself eggs, and I couldn't press the spray on the spray can down. True story.

Each class has gotten better, and I've been more and more confident that I can survive the class. I even attended a class with J last Monday morning, and I was not super self-conscious, and consequently we decided that maybe we can occassionally work out together. Yay!

Overall What I Love:

I love the coaches. They are all bad asses, but they ensure that the environment is positive, supportive, and community based. There's no egos in this place. I could see making friends here.
I love that scaling is a part of learning. No one looks down on me for modifying a workout to my abilities. The coaches do make sure that I'm challenging myself, but will never ask me to do something I can't physically do.
I love that it exposes your weaknesses, even the most unusual. For example, I am totally incapable of jumping with both feet at the same time. No, I swear, it's true. I cannot jump on a box with both feet. I can't jump rope with both feet. I can't frog jump with both feet. I can't jump through a tire with both feet. I always lead with one foot. Who knew that it was even possible to have that problem?! Still, now that I know this, I can work on it.
I love that every day I need to have a pep talk with myself, and listen to inspirational music on my way, and read off my tools for being mentally tough to get in the door, but I've gone every time, and I feel like a rockstar when I leave.
I love that they post the WOD's for the week, so I can youtube school myself on things like "What is a turkish get up?" and "What does AMRAP mean?"
Related - there's a website http://www.crossfit.com/ that has amazing amounts of detail for the maven in me.
I love that Bonnie (another coach) yells at my hubs, and he loves it. I also loved her face the first time I did a clean and jerk, and was so excited/amazed that I immediately dropped the bar and bear hugged her. I don't think enthusiastic hugging happens that much here.

She can also maybe lift more than he can...

Updated Pysical Goals for 2012:

~~Complete a marathon~~
Run a sub-29:24 5K, achieve 2600 pts in the Summer Series
Stay under 150 lbs
Do an unassisted pull up
Switch to real pushups, yo.
Beat the box monster at 20" - it's totally mental. I need to stop thinking and just DO it.
Rx a workout (do it as actually prescribed) - which will not be happening this week.

I feel great challenging myself at something I'm not good at. Every day that I attend class is a victory, and I feel proud no matter how much I blew up the workout!

11 Random Questions

2012-03-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago, I was tagged by the beautiful and talented Gina at This is Not Your Blog, and asked to answer several questions. Generally, these questions are a bit lame, but hers were Phenominally Difficult, and it's taken me quite some time to digest, and answer honestly. So, without further ado...

1. What was the greatest live music experience you've ever had?
My initial thought was the Incubus 4/20/02 concert, in So Cal - a home show, the kickoff to a new tour for Morning View, on a date important to some of their audience members (I've never smoked, but I get that it's a special day). It was awesome. They even played Certain Shade of Green, which is one of my favorites, and which they NEVER play live. Also, it was a great road trip with my girl @autamday.

But then I started thinking about it, and i realized that the greatest live music experiences that I had were when I was PLAYING the music.

(note: For those new to my life, I grew up in a very talented musical family. My brother is a world class drummer, and my father was concert master of the Boston Symphony Orchestra as a teenager. I was never as talented, but I worked harder so that I could 'hang with the fam. I played piano from 5-9, then quit over a disagreement with my piano teacher, who thought Jazz was lame. I started playing alto sax at 11, and quit when I was 18 because I did not want to access the parts of my soul that were grieving over some family stuff. I regret it.)

[Even more random note: I felt like Voldemort when I just said I regret it, but I actually do regret it, just in case it sounded cold and heartless to you too.]

So, I searched through the memory banks, and declared the most awesome live music experience as the Las Vegas band trip, when Jazz played Channel One Suite, the crowd went wild, and we felt like rock stars.

http://images03.olx.com/ui/1/77/96/5717196_1.jpg

2. What was your worst date ever?
Guess who only went on one official date her whole life? To her husband? The worst part was that it started raining (people in AZ can hear the doom coming) and my wind shield wiper fell right off the car. These things happen when they only get used once every 600 days or so...

3. If money is no object, what would your dream vacation be?
I've already done my dream vacation. I scraped my pennies together until I could spend the better part of a month touring China. It. was. awesome. Everything I've wanted to see since I was 4 years old. My second dream vacation would be spending several weeks in one of those houses in the water in Fiji. Kind of of Isle of Esme style, minus the whole throwing up and being attacked by my fetus part. Destroying bedroom furniture optional. :)

http://www.bestfijideals.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Fiji-Travel-Holiday.jpg

4. Would you rather live in a crowded city or small town?
I would rather live within my budget in a small town (hello, Gilbert, AZ), but if money were no object, my dream place to live would be Cambridge, MA (part of Boston, so big city). Second up would be Solana Beach, CA (in between Cardiff and Del Mar/Torrey Pines) on the beach.

5. Would you be willing to murder one innocent person if you knew it would guarantee an end to all world hunger?
Man here's where the tough ones started. I've been thinking about this for weeks. My answer is - Yes, because innocent people die from hunger every day. According to the World Food Program, 925 million people do not have enough to eat, and undernutrition contributes to five million deaths of children under five each year in developing countries - that's 13,698 children under 5 each day. So yes, I would murder one innocent person to save 925 million people from going hungry.

Wouldn't you? http://www.shc.edu/theolibrary/graphics/hunger.jpg

6. When did you last cry in front of somebody (who is not your partner)?
I cried my eyes out when I finished the PF Chang's Marathon in January - for all to see.

7. Would you be willing to endure night terrors- every night- for the rest of your life if you were given vast personal wealth to use however you wish in exchange?
I have night terrors already, so where's my money b*? Honestly, I hate having night terrors so much that I tell myself every night before bed "Deep, dreamless, restful sleep" and I'm generally able to turn them off. If I forget though... bad night ahead. First night terror was when I was 4, the statue of Mary in my Aunt Mariellen's dining room turned into the Quik bunny, who chased me around the house with a knife until he had sliced off every appendage I had and went in for the final thrust (you can imagine the impact on my religious feelings) The nightmare I have most often is a plane crashing on me. Always happens on a very sunny day when I'm very happy and with family. It's slowly falling out of the sky, generally on fire, and I can't tell which way it's going to fall, so I keep running this way and that until it crashed on me. You're welcome for these visuals.

(note: I was going to put a picture of a plane crashing here, but when I googled it, my heart started racing. So... no picture.)
8. If you could choose the manner of your death- but not the timing- what would you choose?
A way that would allow me to tell my family that I love them, but not prolong the agony for them (or me.) I can't get any more specific than that because I'm afraid I would test fate. Yes, I am superstitious, even though I'm not religious.

9. Would you rather switch back to black and white TV with only five channels, or no internet?
I would rather have no TV. I don't really watch it, and although I'd miss the Biggest Loser, and the Olympics, I could watch those on the INTERNET. Take my TV now, can we cure world hunger with that?

10. If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt somebody, would you do it?
So, funny story. I may or may not have used voo doo dolls for people in the workplace. There was this one guy, Gregg, who drove me insane with his obtuseness, so I had a voo doo doll for him. I'd just pin him in the legs, no big deal. It was cathartic. Then one day I was talking to a coworker in NJ, who was telling me that she was waiting for Gregg because they carpooled, and I said "GREGG?! Gregg ******? Uh, I wouldn't sit within 10 ft of that guy, he drives me crazy!" and then she mentioned that since they were engaged to be married, it made sense to carpool.
*Insert foot here*
So, I sent them his voo doo doll for their wedding.

I'm shocked by how many voo doo pics have pins in the eyes, not cool people. Also: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HQLZJsqoqq8/TvynRNkEAjI/AAAAAAAAB-Y/j58Go9yxZ8k/s1600/voodoo-dolls-large.jpg

11. What if the voodoo doll was only able to annoy them tremendously (for example: causes pervasive itching of genitals while in public, causes slight ringing in ears at nighttime, etc), would you do it?
I absolutely LOVE this idea. My favorite local bookstore - Changing Hands - has voo doo doll notepads, which I'll admit I've been eyeing for quite some time, but now I HAVE to get them. This is the Best Idea Ever!

Doing Something That Scares Me

2012-02-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, I stumbled upon a Chinese Elemental Profile test, which gave insight into personality traits, as they related to the five Chinese elements - earth, fire, water, wood, and metal.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/07/FiveElementsCycleBalanceImbalance.jpg

The goal is to have aspects of all five of the elements in balance, however, no one ever really attains that. The test was supposed to give you the element that you had in excess, and the element that you were deficient in, and then give you ways to balance it. However, these were (and still are) my results:

You have an excess in Metal
You have an excess in Metal

Apparently, I'm so metal, that everything else is deficient. I've also learned that the rooster is a metal sign, and I was born in the year of the Metal rooster. Destiny?

http://www.verynice2.com/images/prod/512482-590.jpg

What does Metal mean?
Metal types are principled, disciplined, and structured, always striving to find order in chaos. Masters of inner meaning and ceremony, they love precision, and dislike conflict and disorder. By understanding the internal principles that guide outer reality, they create a world that fits their ideals. It is this ability to understand, deconstruct, and reconstruct high-functioning systems that is Metal’s gift to humanity.

When Metal is in harmony:

Methodical, disciplined, composed, honorable
Most comfortable working by the rules, within a principled structure
Able to find order in chaos, loving neat precision
Able to synthesize a lot of information to produce new systems of thought

When Metal is in excess:

Rigid, bossy and self-righteous (me? No one has called me bossy for at least 3 days)
Perfectionistic to the point that no one can meet their standards (guilty)
Distant and detached from others (true)
Resentful, judgemental, and controlling (yes, sometimes true)

Metal’s Lesson: The world is not perfect, and neither am I

*Record scratching to a halt* I'm not perfect?!

It gives a lot of great hints - things like surrounding myself with more colors and shapes (really, silver sparkly iridescent is a color!), eating cooling foods, exercising consistently, and the big one: trying something new. *shudder*

"Try something you have absolutely no idea how to do. By forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations where you are not in control and do not know the system, you can help to relieve yourself of Excess Metal."

My anxiety level is rising just thinking about it. I'm actually sweating just writing this.
Maybe this sounds like a good time to some of you, but this sounds like the worst kind of torture possible to me. Not be perfect? Be uncomfortable? Embarrass myself? Be uninformed? I don't do these things. I practice and practice and practice at home in private, until I feel like I can do well in the situation. Fear of imperfection can be totally paralysing.

Which is why I'm going to start doing CrossFit.

CrossFit is a public, group fitness activity that focuses on strength, explosion, speed, and competition.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ugnA0_leYDQ/TjjQMQdWaGI/AAAAAAAAAPo/9sG8bgPPlW0/s1600/020.jpg

I am kind of afraid of all of those things.

I am extremely competitive, but I have serious deficiencies in upper body strength, explosion, speed, and in enjoying group activities.To give you an idea, I just ran my fastest 5K ever this weekend - in 35 minutes. That would be like 11+ minute miles, and I was working my tail off. My legs are very strong, but I cannot do a pull up. I can't even do a real push up. I also don't wear bikinis.

http://orangecoastcrossfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/women-pic-4.jpg

The scariest part of CrossFit is that it's not like I can practice at it and get better every week, because every. single. class. is. different. They never do the same workout twice. That means I will be totally uncomfortable EVERY TIME I GO.

And yet - I'm intrigued by it. I know I could be stronger. I AM competitive. I have recently found that I am much stronger in endurance than I thought possible. I am feeling healthier than I've felt in 10 years, now that I've given up on procreation and let my body be post-menopausal. I feel ~~a debilitating amount of fear~~ excitement in challenging myself in a new way. It could lead to building confidence, pride, and hopefully some definition. Best of all, for the first time ever, it's a physical activity that J and I can do together.

http://www.crossfitcentral.com/uploads/central/image/JessBio.jpg

What I like in this picture is not her thinness, or tanness, or perfect hair, but her look of confidence. I want that. So I'm going to try it. I'll let you know how much I shame myself, and how long it takes me to trip, fall down, or hit my head. I'll also let you know how great I feel when I conquer my fear!

Cultivativing Laughter, Song, and Dance

2012-01-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

If you know me personally, you know that I am a huge fan of Brene Brown, and you have probably been tied down and forced to watch her Ted Talk. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it. It's 20 minutes, and you can listen to it while you're cooking. It. changed. my. life.

Brene is a shame researcher, and to steal from the blurb on the Ted Talk she"studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share."

I've read all of her books (shocking no one), and actually took an online course on vulnerability that was amazing. There are many aspects of her research that have impacted me, but possibly my favorite has been re-introducing myself to cultivating laughter, song, and dance. Basically, letting go of being cool, and always being in control. (If this topic interests you, I also strongly recommend her book The Gifts of Imperfection, which is not self-helpy in any way).

I used to be someone who was "free" in every sense of the word. If I thought something was funny, I would laugh out loud, and possibly smash my eye into a music stand, causing a black eye for high school graduation (true story). When I played, if I was into the music, I danced around on the stage, even if it was a competition, even when I was getting the stink eye from my loving music teacher. I danced on tables at rest stops (not in a kinky way, just in a full of exuberance way). I sang loudly and poorly. I was connected to my feelings, and I had a rare ability to be an emotional catalyst - if I was "feeling it" the whole room would start to feel the same sense of joyfulness. I was pretty hard to ignore.

*note - in unrelated news, I had horrible teeth, which after 8 years of braces were eventually fixed. Unfortunately, I had pictures of these events, but I destroyed them all because I thought my teeth were ugly. Sigh. So, this is a pictureless post.*

The sad thing is that my superpower emotional catalysm worked just as effectively on the other side of the spectrum. If I was pissed, the hairs on the backs of people's necks would start to stand up. If I was brooding, not only was it totally obvious, but it could get ugly. I went through a rough patch or two, or many. I didn't want to feel the pain of those experiences, so I stopped playing music - my connection to my own emotions. I didn't want to color the atmosphere with my own negativity, so I stopped projecting. I stopped tapping into myself.

Eventually, I got over my rough patches, I found some peace. However, I continued to censor myself. I told myself that my emotions were too powerful, that I was a grown-up now, that people would think I was weird. But the reality was that I was afraid to feel. And by numbing the bad emotions, I was also numbing the good emotions.

Then I watched this Ted Talk, and read this book.

I've spent the last year working on my vulnerability - my willingness to feel in front of the people I care about, and not just in the shower by myself. It's been a remarkable process.

I've reconnected with a friend who I missed dearly by choosing to reach out, to apologize for something that happened 13 years ago, even though I was terrified of being scoffed at, ignored, or derided.

I've been able to establish a great connection with a new friend, who I allowed to enter my personal bubble about 5 years before admission is allowed, normally after rigorous testing, and development of trust. It's been wonderful, and fulfilling.

My hubs and I have been able to talk with complete honesty and openness about huge topics that would change our lives forever, without worry of being judged, deemed unfit, or selfish.

I've worked with a counselor, and been able to work through my relationships with my family, with my sense of self, and my fear of having to solve impossible problems.

I danced, laughed, and sang publicly during a race when everyone around me was suffering, and I know I connected with at least that guy running in the hoola skirt, and the belly dancers. More importantly, I connected with myself.

Do you ever let yourself dance with abandon? Do you sing out loud in the car, even when the people you love are in it? Do you allow yourself to feel the good stuff and the bad stuff?

Seriously, watch the video.

My First Marathon - The Long Version w/Pics

2012-01-23T14:37:00.000-08:00

The race was awesome! The weather was perfect – started a little chilly and cloudy, and stayed that way throughout the race – which is huge when it’s AZ. There was no sun beating down the entire time. There was not a 40 degree difference from start to finish.

I had a great time throughout the race, but it was the people who really made it. I met my Mom at mile 8 (the race went right past her house), and she rode her bike throughout the rest of the race with me. She carried water and electrolyte for me, since I was afraid that as a back of the packer, the race would run out (they didn’t). She also had snacks, lip gloss, sunscreen, body glide – things I wasn’t sure if I would need, but didn’t want to carry.

I cannot make this picture go right side up, no matter how I save it. Ahh, technology.

She also met me at basically every mile to cheer me on, which was great.

The race ran past my friend KJ’s house at mile 15, and then again at mile 17. She and her husband were out there cheering me on, and made me an amazing sign.

I love that it was pink, covered in sparkles, had my name, and most of all – that she made it for me. She loves me for who I am (even if I am a person who sings Come on Eileen at the top of her lungs, in an incredibly sparkly skirt as she’s cheering me on).

Autam and J were scheduled to meet me at mile 24, and Autam was going to run the final two miles with me – which was actually quite a sacrifice, as her knees need to be rescoped . Instead, they surprised me at mile 22, which may have been the best surprise ever. I may or may not have been running in place at this point, but unlike most of the people around me, I wasn’t hobbled in pain, or stumbling around.

J hightailed it to the finish line, and caught me as I completely lost it after the race. He was so proud, and that actually made me feel proud of myself. He’s been so supportive of the entire process, and seeing him at the finish line was awesome. It was also great that he actually posted on facebook about the race – something he never ever does. Just showed me how much he cared.

I *may* have had to photoshop the "cold" part of this picture.

What went well:

- My training: I started training with a good base – about 10 miles as a standard weekend long run for 6 months or so. I was diligent in following my plan, but I also was willing to be flexible to account for colds and travel. I did all of my scheduled long runs, and I felt great the entire time. My food intake was deliberate, and I focused on making sure I was getting enough protein and some fats (which I actually struggle with).

- The right clothes: There was a big part of me that wanted to wear some other clothes for the race – accessorize appropriately, wear my @Runprettyfar blossom top that speaks to me with it’s “Find Your Bliss” message – but I was training in this outfit, and I knew it was going to work. I wound up having no chafing (which may have been a result of coating my entire body in body glide, deodorant and/or sunscreen) and I didn’t even have a blister. It was the right choice.

- Enjoying the moment: For me, the training was the hard part. The race itself was the celebration, and I wanted to make sure that I fully enjoyed the experience. I danced with belly dancers, I was chased by cheerleading wild animals who shouted things like “You look tasty!” I sang at the top of my lungs, and played air guitar as I ran around (possibly annoying the other people on the course). I fully allowed myself to BE present, and enjoy the good stuff, knowing that it would carry me through the bad stuff. Then there really wasn’t any bad stuff, and I was glad I had taken the time to enjoy it all.

- Listen to your body more than the experts: I may have read every single possible article, book, blog, and tweet about running your first full marathon, and I also sent out random questions on the interwebs, and got quick responses from very supportive people. It was great to have that info, but the running community said over and over again – listen to your body, do what works for you. For me, the smartest move was to not gorge on pasta. I had a little, and I did it two nights before, rather than the night before. However, the leftovers were possibly the best thing I’ve ever eaten AFTER the race.

What I learned:

- Body glide is way better than Vaseline , and doesn’t stain your clothes.

- Wear the right sized underoos - just trust me on this one. If your undies are too big, it’s going to chafe in the WRONG places.

- I’m much stronger than I thought I was – there was no wall, there was no agony. It almost seems surreal because it went so well. There were several training runs on the tready, where I finished and then questioned myself – did I do my math right? Did I really just run for 5 hours? Cause I swear it doesn’t feel like I did… I am strong, and healthy. I am powerful. I always felt like I was strong and determined, but now I KNOW I am.

My favorite race photo – of the finish! It’s hard to tell from the back but I was crying hysterically because the medical tent people were cheering me on so enthusiastically. They were also jumping up and down and doing YMCA, which for some reason was a very emotional song at that moment.

Of course my favorite picture won't load correctly either.

Opportunities for Improvement:

- Start the race on time. I was supremely annoyed that they were going to delay the race by 30 minutes because one light rail train was running late. I was even more annoyed because they didn’t bother to tell us this until we were all lined up and the gun was about to go off. I could have hit the portapotty.

- Don’t have the final miles of the race be the hilliest. There was one hill… one hill that was in the Papagos around mile 23, where I had the following conversation with Autam:

Eileen: As long as we aren’t going up that hill in the distance, I’m going to be fine. This is a piece of cake.

Autam: You’re doing great!
(5 minutes later)
Eileen: Please tell me we aren’t going up that hill?
Autam: …
Eileen: No, please tell me the course doesn’t go up that hill?!
Autam… um…
Eileen: Shit! We ARE going up that hill. *&%$#@@%&I)(&%
Autam: ….

- When the cheer teams are more tired than you are, it’s a problem. Seriously, watching cheerleaders really dragging ass, and hardly waving a pom pom as you trot by does not energize you in any way. I would have preferred no cheerleaders to tired ones.

And finally - These are the signs that my family made for me, that my mom used to cheer me on throughout the course. She then bullied J, Autam, and three random people to hold the signs up for a picture, making sure that they knew she did NOT want their faces in the pic! :)

Stop SOPA

2012-01-18T03:08:00.000-08:00

Tell Congress that you are against SOPA.

My Marathon - The Short Version

2012-01-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be writing a longer post about the good, the bad, what I learned, that will be too wordy and longish, but for now, I will tell you how it went just by this short(ish) story.

One of my new years resolutions was to score 2600 pts at the Summer Series races. In order to put down a number I needed to do some extensive research - shocking no one - and while I was reviewing each of the 2009, 2010, and 2011 races, there was one woman who seemed like a good target. Her name is Adrienne Pollard (I don't actually know her, but this is the beauty of online results) and I decided to mark her this year. She's the woman I want to beat - or her times are.

Note: I'm very competitive, but I'm actually quite nice while racing. I always cheer people on, and try to be encouraging when people are suffering. I'm not like "Oh YOU'RE Adrienne Pollard? I'm going to eat you for breakfast. And then eat some breakfast." Really, I swear.

So I was just looking up my official time, which is about 15 minutes better than I was expecting (#winning!), but what made my day was the name directly below me on the results in my Age Group:

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a good racing year!

My Mystery/Thriller Story...

2012-01-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

During a recent run, the perceptive/hyper-aware side of me turned my run into a mystery/thriller.

I ran past a guy in a work truck, next to a power box. He sat in the truck the entire time I was running up the block, and decided to get out of the vehicle just as I was running by. I immediately grabbed my keys and put them in 'stab eye' mode in my hand, in case he came after me.

http://byufan.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/qwest1.jpg

There was an icecream truck driving around the neighborhood. This may not seem odd, except for two things:

1. The icecream truck is NEVER in our neighborhood in the summer (I work remotely, I would know that music anywhere)

2. It was approximately 38 degrees out. In Arizona.

http://allfoodtrucksforsale.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/0035.jpg

I'm convinced he was a kidnapper. I felt an instant urge to call the police.

As I ran past the back of a neighborhood, the distinct smell of bleach overpowered me. Keep in mind, I have no sense of smell - I could taste the bleach. It was powerful enough that it made my nose sting and eyes water. It was definitely not pool chemicals (they taste different). I wondered what blood stains they were cleaning up, and if they realized that it was dead giveaway that they were using copious amounts of bleach!

I opted out of google searching "mopping up blood stains". http://thefitnesschronicle.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/bleach.gif

Finally, I saw large bags of fertilizer stacked around the neighborhood. What's that? You think it was just the fertilizer for the summer grass, and that's why the stacks were at the parks? I don't think so. I think it was to make explosives.

http://images.plant-care.com/fertilizer-bags-stacked.jpg

At least that's what I thought as I wrote my mystery story in my head - and it helped me push that last few miles as I "ran away" from the bad guys. :)

Things I Can't Make Up

2012-01-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

* I solemnly swear that I am ~~up to no good~~ not exaggerating this in any way. Really, it needs no elaboration*

What I am going to eat for lunch today:
- 1/2 piece of plain chicken
- 1 tortilla
- handful of almonds

Except without all the colorful stuff. Just the chicken and the tortilla
http://www.texmextogo.com/images/chicken-wraps.jpg

What my hubs packed for lunch today*:
- 6 egg omelette with sausage, ham, and cheese
- 3 pieces of chicken
- 2 tortillas
- 2 hamburger patties
- 1 tofu burger patty
- 3 muscle milk protein shakes
- 2 containers of yogurt
- 2 packets of little kid string cheese
- 1 baggie full of shredded cheese
- 1 container of barbeque sauce**
- 1 can of diet cream soda (why bother with the diet stuff at this point?)
- 1 bottle of gatorade-esque sports drink***

I had to wade through MANY pages of skinny girls eating cake to find this picture.
http://www.healblog.net/

*Again, I promise this is completely accurate
**You may notice a lack of vegetables in our collective diets
***Lucky for me, he may eat an enormous quantity of food, but he pays the grocery bill, and also works out enough to be able to eat this mega lunch daily.

Uncategorizing Me

2012-01-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

*Note: For those following this blog for adoption information, that's not going away. I'm just going to be revealing more aspects of myself. No hard feelings if you're not interested!*

I am complex, yet constant. I do not fit into boxes well, though I've tried to squeeze into many - even boxes of my own creation. I no longer feel the need to pigeon-hole myself, so this blog is not about the runner me, or the prospective adoptive parent me - it's just me. The uncategorized me.

Since I've never let the interwebs truly know me, I thought I'd give everyone a chance to catch up.

I am intelligent, but I'm not a member of the intelligentsia.
I'm fascinated by quantum physics, and the Hunger Games. I read about brain science and love science fiction. I love anything to do with a cultural experience different from my own, which lures me into spending years trying to understand how Mao brainwashed millions of people during the Cultural Revolution, and also sucks me right into Harry Potter's universe.

I am a musician, but I'm not a musician.
I grew up in the house of a jazz snob, and understand music theory at a post- doctorate level, but I haven't touched an instrument in 12 years. I love jazz and the emotional places it can take me, but I also love dirty gangsta rap and everything in between (and I mean everything - ska, hard rock, and I have a special love for funk). My iPod is schizophrenic.

Random Note: I can't spell schizophrenic without help.

I am a professional, but I'm not professional.
I been with a [sorry Internet - undisclosed] Fortune 500 company for 12 years. I hold a fairly important position in their day to day operations. The majority of my peers are 15 years older than I am. Yet, my worst nightmare is wearing heels 5 ~~minutes~~ days a week. I abhor wearing suits. I'm not a fan of manipulation or lying. I work remotely, which is to say away from people. I like that.

I am an athlete, but not an athlete.
If I told you I could run for 5 1/2 hours straight, you might say "WOW". If I told you I can't even run a marathon in that time, you might say "WALKER!" and *pshaw* your way right to judgement. I'm ok with that. I run slowly, but I run. I am not a waif, I don't look like a skeleton, but I am at a very healthy weight for me, and I feel happy. I have "quads of steel" as @tmbrunnerfirst would say, I wear running skirts - sometimes with sparkles - and I have a blast out there with the 85 year old women. Someday I hope to be one of them. I don't run to win (obviously), but I do run for sanity, which may be even better.

I am a mother, but I'm not a mother.
I don't have (nor will I have) any biological children. My husband and I are actively looking at CPS adoption, but we have put our process on hold until we feel like it's the right time for us. That doesn't mean that I don't know kids. I've been babysitting since I was 8, I was a posh nanny 'Real Housewives of Connecticut' style for years, I basically raised my brother - he may be hopelessly flawed, but he's happy, damnit - and I have a remarkable step-daughter, S.

This remarkable step-daughter recently hit J and I up for money for a charity event, and pre-signed us EACH up on a website to donate funds (she did a really good job with the salesmanship, I'll admit). When I went on the website, there I was - listed as "Friend".

I am spiritual, but not religious.
I believe in quantum physics - that we are all connected, and we have more of an impact on our environment and ourselves than we understand. I believe that we should be kind to ALL people, that we should be tolerant, and understanding. I don't believe in organized religion. I respect people who do, but it doesn't work for me. I should note here that I was ~~kicked out~~ asked not to return to the Catholic Church when I was 7. Apparently, owing to my curiosity of biology at the time, I asked one too many questions about the immaculate conception, and I may have alluded to the fact that if I got pregnant, and told my Dad it was a beam of light, that he would believe me because I was a good girl. It was my own Aunt who asked me not to come back to CCD.

My biggest regret is that I didn't get the fancy white maryjane shoes with the little heels for first communion like everyone else.

I *might* have concerns that I'm going to spontaneously combust each time I step over the threshold of a church.

I am socially liberal, but fiscally conservative.
The only thing that is off-limits on my blog is politics. I may touch on a social issue, but I will not dissolve into Us vs. Them conversations, or talk about politics at all. I am informed, I hope you take the time to inform yourself. I believe that people allow politics to polarize their opinions society.

I make decent money, and I don't believe in credit cards. I pay my bills first, my savings second, and if there's any left over, it generally goes to a bookstore, @runprettyfar, lululemon, or target. I can say probably, because any time I spend a $1 at a location not above, my bank turns off my debit card. This generally happens around Christmas, when I buy things for other people. It annoys me greatly.

I love social media, but not ALL of social media.
If you follow me on twitter (@eisparklz), you know I tweet and retweet random stuff daily. I love it. I love the interaction, I love the pieces of info I read, I love finding people with my passions. It's a maven's dream.

If you follow me on facebook, you know I haven't posted anything on my wall in months. I do check it about daily. I do read what others are doing. I do look at cute photos of friend's kids. I post comments on people's postings, but I just never post myself. Occassionally, my hubs will post pictures and tag me, and that's how you know where I am and what I'm doing.

I am a blogger, but I'm not a writer.
Consistency, thou art a jewel (thank you Rhett Butler). I'm not making any commitments to writing daily/weekly/monthly, because I don't see myself as a writer. I understand grammar, but I don't understand the mechanics of telling a good story, or presenting information. So I'm basically just talking with my hands right now. Blogs going forward will be similarly just stream of consciousness. There will probably be pictures.

These things are who I am, and who I'm not. Who are you? Do you hide your quirky self from the world, even as you blog/tweet/post on facebook?

National Adoption Day - November 19th

2011-11-16T14:23:00.000-08:00

National Adoption Day is this Saturday, November 19th. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, National Adoption Day is a special Saturday where courts open their doors, and judges (family court and otherwise) volunteer to hear and finalize as many adoption cases as possible.

Maricopa County (Phoenix Metro) has had the largest National Adoption Day event for the last 3 years. Our teachers have told us that it is a carnival-like event. They have entertainment, games, face painting, photography, gift bags - and lots of kids who have their adoptions finalized. It's a great feel-good day, and there are tons of smiles!

I've heard that it's a great day, and I think we're going to go downtown to see it in action.

For those in Maricopa County, you can see the details here: http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/events/2011-11-19/maricopa-county-national-adoption-day

Family Photos...

2011-10-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

As part of our adoption process, we need to put together a life book. This book will be a representation of our family to CPS, and will be used during our "red flag" meetings - when a group of specialists (CPS, child advocate, our adoption specialist, and other family specialists) will review a child's file and determine the best set of parents that fit the child's needs. We will not be in those meetings, so the only visual of us will be this book. It will also be shown to the child to give them an idea of the family that will be adopting them. Although the courts will also have our exhaustive home study details, the pictures will speak volumes. In fact, our trainer mentioned that she was in a red flag meeting last week, and that the group had serious concerns with one of the families, because the grandparents "didn't look very happy" in their picture. I'm not joking. So pictures are super important.

The only problem? We don't have any.

Well... we don't have any good ones.

There are several reasons for this.
1. We don't take a ton of pictures except for when we travel. We generally travel together, which means there are rarely pictures of both of us in the picture.
2. I'm not photogenic - or I'm actually way uglier than I think I am, but I'm going with not photogenic.
3. J cannot smile on command. I wish I were joking, but he sucks at it. He looks like he's being tortured, or half asleep, or mad in every picture. So finding a pic that has both of us, where I actually look like a human being, and he is smiling is nearly impossible.

Eileen, you must be exaggerating.

You think so? We made a conscious effort to take photos during our recent trip to Boston. And here are some of the beauties.

Cute picture of us at dinner in the North End.

Attempt #1

Dinner with rainbows... (and yes this was a digital camera...)

Attempt #2

Blurry Couple.

Attempt #3

By the way, IRL I swear I do not have a double chin...

Attempt #4

Success?! You know, minus the fact that there is a statue of a man smoking cigars between us...and my chin is tilted up to prevent imaginary double chin.

Normal Happy Couple:

Less Normal Happy Uncomfortable Shiny Couple:

Uncle D and Auntie V:

Perfect, one shot.

Now let's try J and Eileen:

Squint-tacular.

Round 2: In which J refuses to take his sunglasses off.

Hey, evasive actions were needed here.

There were about 10 more attempts at this one before we gave up, switched direction, and tried to include the whole family. Remember that part about the unhappy looking grandparent?

Take one.

Nana holding her tummy does not indicate that there are any body image issues here, of course.

And an eye-roll for the trifecta! Awesome.

OK last (pathetic) chance is the Patriots Hall of Fame...

Yes, our eyes are both closed, even though we're inside and there was no flash. I don't like parts of that quote anyway...

Yup, best one yet. Again, taken with a stupid-proof, took glorious pictures of trophies and rings, and everything but the owners camera.

Drum roll please... this is our LAST chance.... on the balcony of a bar (we don't drink) looking over the stadium on a day when there is no game... super romantic, and just what you want to put in your life book, and we have...

Success!!

Thankfully, one of the people in my adoption class takes family portraits. So yes, we'll be trying her services!

Being a Loss Expert

2011-10-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Fair warning, this is a heavy post. Feel free to skip, if you're looking for jokes. That will be next week.

This past week's class was about loss and grief. It was a somber class, but focused mostly on how our own losses - and the way we have handled them - can actually be strengths when considering child placements. Basically, if you've lived through loss, you're a better fit for a kid who has experienced loss. You can support them better than someone who hasn't experienced one. Conversationally, if you haven't dealt with a loss, or are still struggling with a loss, it can be a need of yours, and can indicate that you wouldn't be a good fit in certain situations. People shared their losses in the class, and it was hard, but also very uplifting.

Courtesy of http://images.paraorkut.com/img/pics/images/c/crying_and_alone-13002.bmp

For the purposes of education, I'll give a couple of examples of things people in the class shared.

Strength - one person in the class was adopted, her birth mother was a teen mother. She also became a teen mother, and gave her first child up for adoption. She has since raised her other children (without teen pregnancies - cycle broken!), foster children, reconnected with her birth daughter, and is now looking to foster teen moms to give them the skills that they have not received about parenting. I mean wow. This woman has experience as an adopted child, a birth parent, and a resource parent. By the way, she's around 35 years old, open, honest, funny, has an easy comfortable relationship with her husband, and is potentially my new idol. Say it with me - resiliency! If you were an adopted kid, wouldn't you want this lady in your corner?

Courtesy of http://douglaslrichardson.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/resilience.jpg

Need - After this woman shared, another woman spoke up, and said that she would really struggle with working with teen moms, because she is still dealing with the fact that she's infertile. She felt like she could see herself feeling bitter that she is so ready to have her own children, but these teen moms - who may not be as prepared - have no problem with pregnancies. This was possibly the best comment of the night, because it was so open, and honest. It's a fair point, and gave me a new perspective.

Courtesy of http://static.oprah.com/images/spirit/201002/20100224-frustrated-woman-300x205.jpg

So, for our homework, we need to put together a list of our own situational losses (unexpected, unprepared for - death of family member at a young age, divorce, job loss, pet loss, adoption - anything that causes you to grieve). Then we need to apply our own sets of strengths and needs for certain tasks of foster and adoptive parents. Some examples:

- I feel comfortable about "shared parenting" with birth parents - if not in person, then at least through helping the child have a positive self-concept and feel positive about self-identity and roots. (we have strong strengths and strong needs for this one)

- I understand if I choose foster care, I have an obligation to help the child return to their birth family (we're mostly needs on this one)

The final important concept that we covered was developmental grieving. It's the concept that there are things you cannot grieve about until you get there (like a woman who lost their mother when she was 8 cannot grieve the fact that Mom will not be at her wedding until her actual wedding day) or the re-opening of wounds due to situations, frequently coming during holidays, birthdays, and generally 'happy' occassions. Imagine you're a kid, and it's Christmas in a new home. Your family used to watch White Christmas together, but your new family doesn't. Wouldn't you feel sad that the tradition had died? Wouldn't you miss your old stocking? All of those feelings are valid, but certainly not what people who are excited about Christmas are expecting. Sometimes, you need to be aware that these feelings are out there.

Courtesy of http://andreagrossonline.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/sad-holiday-dog.jpg

Fascinating class, and I walked away feeling like there was a lot to absorb - so thanks for reading! By writing it out, I feel like I can understand it better.

Strengths vs. Needs

2011-10-04T14:01:00.000-07:00

One of the early important topics that we've been discussing during the first few weeks is the concept of strengths vs. needs assessments for children and prospective parents. I really like the concept, and the way that it manifests itself, and I want to use it in other areas of my life, so I figured I would share it.

Courtesy of http://www.getfit4kidz.com/wp-content/upLoads/2011/01/tug_of_war.jpg

*Disclaimer* everything that I'm talking about in this scenario is made-up. I do not know a child by this name, nor am I personally familiar with a child who has experienced these things.

Jacob (most popular boys name in the US so far in 2011) is 8 years old. His dad is not in the picture, and his mom has recently been sentenced to prison time. He is in a foster care home, where he refuses to come out of his room, or do chores - even when asked. He misses his mother and talks about her all the time. He has gotten into fights with boys at school, during recess.

Ok, so you read my made up story, and what do you immediately think? This kid is angry, he's withdrawn, he's sad? All true, but none of those things really give you any traction on how to help Fictional Jacob. So... consider when you take that story, and put it into a strengths/needs assessment.

Strengths:

Jacob can form healthy attachments, because he misses his mother
Jacob has a strong will, and holds to his convictions

Needs:

Jacob needs to find a way to express his frustration in a more constructive manner
Jacob needs to feel a sense of bonding to an adult male who can be a positive role model

Courtesy of http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FDwhpnqEVoQ/ThDRzy6xRpI/AAAAAAAABcA/6nxWL5dTF9A/s1600/DadHug.JPG

See how the strengths are shown even through his behavioral struggles? See how the needs indicate WHAT to do to help this kid who is struggling with a loss that he can't express?

I *heart* this idea big time.

Adoption Training Class!

2011-09-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am a big dork - I really like to learn. When people ask what I would do if I won the powerball, I always say that I would go to school forever. I'd take random classes on things I didn't know anything about. I'd soak up the opportunities to learn. This is important because our adoption training classes are starting this week. You need to know that my pencils are sharpened, and I have fresh notebooks that are just waiting to opened. I love any class that is going to teach me something I don't know. In this case, I don't know a lot. Since I have no idea how it will go, I'm going to do half of this post before we go, and half afterwards. That way you can get a fuller range of emotions. I may have no idea how it will go, but I have a lot of preconceived notions. :)

Love school, love apples. Chalk, meh. http://nolesfamily.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/alphabet-chalkboard.png

BEFORE: It's Wednesday morning, and our first class is tonight.

Things I know:

Training will last for 12 weeks
The classes are from 6:30pm - 9:30pm (EEEK, I go to bed at 7pm people!)
There will be prospective foster parents and adoptive parents in the class
Our pre-training paperwork is due on the first night (I finished two days ago, thank you!)

Things I keep thinking about:

I've been told that this class could be renamed "1500 reasons why you shouldn't adopt" - which scares me, maybe, just a little bit.
I have a hard time believing that everyone will have completed their paperwork. Maybe I just think I'm better than everyone else, but I generally enjoy paperwork, and this was a slog. So, there's a small part of me that hopes no one else finished, and we can go ~~to bed~~ home early.
J and I feel strongly about not fostering. For us, it's just not the right choice - and as much as we want to help kids, it has to be something that isn't emotionally devastating for us. Based on the fact that we see Syd approximately 30 days out of 365, fostering just isn't a healthy option for us. That said, I'm feeling kind of like the lone atheist in a crowded room- based on the situation right now in AZ, I'm worried that there will be a lot of pressure to foster, and I'm going to keep politely and respectfully refusing. Even if/when J succumbs.

I'm the kid raising her hand. J's the kid with the spaced out look in back. http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x3610665/eager_student_1797350.jpg

The Temperature: Lukewarm

Right now, we have actively not committed to anything. We want to have a family, but we also still really love our lives together. We've chosen to go through the classes to educate ourselves, and prepare for the possibility if we choose to move forward after the training classes. However, for us, going through 12 weeks of training does not mean that we HAVE to adopt. My choice to write this blog is to capture our thoughts as we go through the steps of the process, but I will not feel obligated to adopt because of it. So, though it's potentially exciting to take the classes - and today could, in retrospect, be a big day for us - it's not a defining day. It's not going to shape the remainder of our lives unless we choose to adopt later down the road.

AFTER:
So the first class went well. I didn't run out of the building screaming madly about the freaks at Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, but I also didn't drive away honking the horn in excitement and waving a banner out the window that we would be adopting. It was a pretty dry, informational meeting, though it sounds like it will perk up after all the initial rules and definitions have been reviewed.

Happy with books, notebooks, binders, and an apple - http://www.cenlafocus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/teacher.jpg

There was an interesting activity that we did as an ice breaker - Some people were given cards of types of children in the foster care system, and the others received cards of different types of parents. There were more kids than parents, and we had to go find a good fit. My card read "I am 9 years old. My biological parents are drug users, and I need to find a forever family who can help me deal with my past." I found a good match - a parent who has helped a family member deal with drug abuse - but even more, I met a really amazing woman who has 5 kids, and a soon-to-be foster daughter. She told me a story about the foster daughter that just rocked me to the core - more than any of the kids that we reviewed in profiles during the course of the night.

One of the things that I really liked were that we reviewing profiles of children who have actually been through the system. We used the profiles to go over things like child strengths/needs, risk and safety assessments, etc. I thought it was more powerful knowing that this child exists, and has been through the program than it would have been with a made-up example. This way, we get a better idea of the kids who would be coming to us.

Things I know:

All of the items above are still true
There are 34 people in our class, 16 couples, and two singles
Most of the other parents have not finished their pre-training paperwork
We will not be getting out of class early - ever
The classes are well structured, and we get agendas and packets for a binder each week (I love this)
There is a TON of info to go through, and we will not get through all of it in class - homework!
The trainers were very open to the idea of parents who were only interested in adoption

Things I don't know:

How we'll feel at the end of this program
How many paper cuts I'll have accumulated by the last packet (current count is 2)

Temperature: Still Lukewarm

Families are Complicated

2011-09-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of the most frequent questions that we have been asked - by friends, family, and the agency - is "What kind of kid are you looking for?" There is no simple answer - there are a lot of factors to be considered, and that I'm sure will change based on the info we receive on training classes. We'll talk about that in another post. However, I'm almost certain that the people who are asking this question are really asking about race/ethnicity/creed. So that's what we're going to chat about today. I apologize in advance if any of my verbiage/word choice that I use is offensive. I'm intending to be respectful.

Bottom line - J and I don't care. At. All.

That might seem a little less than truthful - at least that's the impression I'm getting because everyone seems so surprised by it. But the reality is that we have a lot of diversity within our family and friends, and so it's not really a big deal for us. Kids are kids - brown, purple, green, yellow. It is not a deciding factor for us. Consider that we nearly went the route of international adoption, and that we considered the entire globe and settled on Ethiopia. Ethiopian kids are *generally* not white, with freckles and blue eyes. We were prepared for the multi-racial family, and the stares and the cultural sensitivity that is required. My biggest fear was - honest to god - that I don't know how to do black hair. I spent a lot of time looking for classes, looking at blogs, and finally decided that I would just ask someone who's hair I liked.

http://www.blackhairplanet.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/child-braids2.jpg

Different is ok. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's wished I could just put my hair into a certain position (fun braids with beads) and it would just stay that way. I'm also sure that a person with black hair has looked at my ~~homeless tangled~~ wavy mermaid hair with envy that it has body and moves. For me, it's more about education, and finding a respectful way to ask questions.

I mentioned that our families are pretty diverse. Our current 2 1/2 person family looks like this:
Ei: Biracial (Hispanic and white) - corpse white skin that does not tan, freckles, blue eyes, wavy brown hair
J: White - paler skin that tans well, freckles, brown eyes, straight brown hair
Syd: Jewish (she apparently counts this as race/ethnicity/and religious background, so I'm going with her definition) - medium skin that tans well, freckles, brown eyes, curly brown hair

We look basically the same - but we have very diverse backgrounds.

Now take it out a level:
Eileen's Dad: White
Eileen's Mom: Hispanic
Eileen's Full Brother: Biracial (Hispanic and White)
Eileen's Half Brother: Biracial (Black and Hispanic)

J's Mom, Dad, Brother: White
J's Sister in Law: Ethnic Chinese, from Laos

So just in our immediate family - we've hit: White, Black, Hispanic, Asian. We're missing Native Americans and Pacific Islanders (which combined only total 1.1% of of the US population), but that's it.

http://kyndnotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/obamafamily.jpg

Yay Diversity!

Now to the religious stuff. One of the big "stumper" questions for future adoptive parents is "What are you going to do if the child has a religious background that differs from yours?" Ah ha! You think you've stumped us, but we've already been on that carousel ride!

I am an atheist. I'd like to say that I'm an einsteintonian (believing in quantum physics) but it's just not really catching on the way I want it to. The closest new-age term would be Noetics. We're connected by energy, it's been proven, it works in ways we don't understand. J also lives a secular lifestyle, though he's not quite willing to damn himself to hell for all eternity by using the A word (it can be pretty scary).

Syd is, as noted above, an active practicing member of the Jewish faith. She is considered an observant Jew - one step down from Orthodox, she observes the sabbath and all religious dates, eats kosher, but dresses in a modern way, and doesn't walk to synagogue. As a small child, if you asked her what day it was, she would tell you that it was Shabbat, rather than Friday, and she would tell you that her birthday was Svet 13, rather than January 16th. As she's gotten older, she's questioned us about our (lack of) faith, which came to a head over the summer as we had a rollicking debate about how I HAVE to believe in SOMETHING (which I don't, actually) and her trying to understand how I can only believe in the Santa Claus, family, Christmas lights, and gifts part of Christmas, but not the "Christian" parts. We have always supported her religious beliefs, and tried to learn about them. We've never tried to convert her, or point out flaws. We answer carefully when she asks questions.

When she comes out in the summer, she goes to a Jewish Day Camp, at a synagogue, every day. I even have a badge to get in - and I haven't spontaneously combusted yet. It gives her an opportunity to be with kids in her demographic, to speak Hebrew daily, and learn more about her culture - baking, plays, field trips, etc. The people running the camp know the situation, and remain friendly and welcoming. Her camp counselors have been extremely helpful when I have questions about acceptable kosher lunches, specific religious day requirements - and they have never ever had a "conversion" talk with us. I respect that so much that I've considered sending future children there with Syd each summer, even though they will likely not be Jewish.

So if we had a child who came pre-programmed with a religious background different from ours, and a desire to continue practicing that faith, we would support it in the same way - learn as much as possible, give them opportunities to participate in age-appropriate activities, and carefully answer questions about our beliefs. That's really all that you can do.

It's exciting to think about how many different ways a future family could manifest itself - one child, two? A boy and a girl? Two boys? Ages? Races? Religious background? It's like a kaleidescope of colors that changes every time you look at it. I have no idea what the stork is going to be bringing us, but I know that our family and friends will support us, and we will love our opportunity.

Sisyphean Challenge!

2011-09-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

For those of you following along, we're back to "current", having cleaned up the history piece of this adoption puzzle. The current state is PAPERWORK. Right now, we're trying to tackle the 85 pages of paperwork required in order to attend training class.

None of this paperwork will count toward our home study or dossier. (This is where I keep having to hold my tongue as I receive frequent word that AZ is hurting so badly that not only are the foster homes maxed out, but so are group homes, and juvi centers, and now CPS kids are now living in homeless shelters - yet it takes 85 pages for me to take a training class. I understand the reasoning behind it, but it still rankles my mortal soul.)

When I started reading other adoption blogs, I heard the word paperwork tossed out everywhere, but there were no clear descriptions of what they were talking about. So, I'm going to share some of the forms and questions that need to be filled out. I *promise* that I am not exaggerating or adding any fake questions. These are real, people.

Accordhr.com

Pre-Training Required Documents:
- Reference forms (2 relatives, 3 non-relatives)
- Official Application (15 pages)
- Training Profile (10 pages)
- Profile of Existing Child (2 pages)
- Profile of Family with Children (10 pages)
- Personal Profile (15 pages each)
- Personal Profile by Child (5 pages)
- Child's Medical Background and Immunization
- Criminal History Self-Disclosure (5 pages)
- Fingerprinting Cards (2 or 3 copies each, still need to confirm)
- DPS Waiver (each)
- DPS Application (each)

The hardest part of this was emailing J's ex - "Hey! Can you please take the time to sit down and walk Syd through all of this paperwork, and also send a notarized letter that we're up to date on your child support, and also go to the doctor to get her immunization and health forms filled out, so that we could try to adopt a child? Thanks! K, Bye!" Families are complicated.

I actually really like paperwork. It's like a test I know I can ace. I'm also fairly organized, so we have copies of all of our important documents, and I have things like VIN numbers, monthly expenses, and 10 years work and housing history that could be challenging to remember or track down. However, even I have been thrown by some of these questions - which are either ridiculous or incredibly difficult to answer.

fentonreport.com

Some gems:

From the Criminal History Self-Disclosure Form (keeping in mind that I don't drink, have never had a cigarette, done a drug, or gotten a speeding ticket - and I'm still a fun girl!) some of the acceptable, appealable offenses for prospective adoptive parents:

Involving or using minors in drug offenses - as long as it was 5 years ago, you're good to go!
Selling or giving nitrous oxide to underage persons - no biggie!
Theft, burglary, fraud, and forgery
Depositing explosives - what does this even mean?
Misdemeanor offenses involving child neglect - ok seriously, I don't even drink. Can we skip the paperwork, and save a kid from a homeless shelter now?
Misdemeanor domestic violence - a great way to raise children
Cruelty to animals - no one who is cruel to animals should get a kid. Enda.
Kidnapping!! KIDNAPPING. That's not even a wait 5 years until you can appeal offense.

Then it gets really messy.

http://acccbuzz.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/paperwork1.gif

From the Personal Profile packet:
When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed anger?
Hmm... let me take some time to write a detailed reply that is honest, and yet reflects my family in the best possible light, so that we are well received. Typing... deleting... typing... typing... good!

When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed disappointment?
Jesus, this is the same damn thing. Grr. Ok, let me try to rephrase the exact same info in a slightly different way. Phew, good thing I have a firm grasp on the English language.

When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed frustration?
AHHHHHHH BY YELLING AT STUPID QUESTIONS ON PAPERS!!!

When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed stress?
*head desk* Ok seriously? This is freaking ridiculous. Can we go back to that whole I've never kidnapped anyone thing?

When you were growing up, what were the ways your family showed sadness/depression?
Tears - lots of tears, as they imagined drowning in paperwork and never being able to start a family.

http://drdbroker.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/womandrowning-in-paperwork.jpg

More from the Profile packet - keeping in mind that we need to fill it out together:

What do you like least about being married and living with someone else?

What would make you want or consider a divorce?

What would you most like to change about your partner?

What do you dislike most about being a parent?

And finally, some nice jabs from Syd that she included in her paperwork (she's 8):

In what ways are you different from your Mom? I can cook.

Do you like to spend time with lots of friends, a few friends, or mostly by yourself? I love to spend time with my friends. I have lots of friends. I wish I could have more play dates.

Imagine that today I am bringing a new child to live at your house. What do you hope this new person will be like? A boy, or a girl? How old? What will they like to do? What will they look like? Boy, 3 - but potty trained (thanks Syd ) would play with S's brother, and he would love to cook. He'd be tan like our color, and would have blue eyes (yay! She likes something about me, I'm the only blue eyed person in the family)

As I am driving over, what would you like me to tell the child about your family? My parents are divorced. You get to live with my Daddy. I live in Florida, and I hope we'll get along.

(And finally - as she realizes at the end of the last question that there will not be a question about where she wants the children to sleep - her biggest issue - she adds it herself ) Tell me about you: I live in Jacksonville. I go to ___ Elementary and I am in 3rd grade. I live with my Mom, my Daddy Michael, my step brother T, and my sister M. I go to Arizona in the summer and I go to the Jewish Community Center summer camp when I am there. The new child will have lots of love. The new kid will sleep in his own room.

We have about half of the paperwork filled out at this point, and need to have it all completed in the next 10 days. Here's hoping! *face palm* *rub eyes*

So many choices...

2011-09-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

1For those of you who have not experienced the joys of adoption decision making, it can be very overwhelming.

Do you want to adopt? Foster? International? Infant? Private? CPS/DES? There are many options, and all have their strengths and weaknesses. For us, there is no perfect solution - by adopting another person's child we run many risks that cannot be controlled because it's not our genes, our health, our environment, our love starting the child/children out. Everyone who adopts picks a process eventually, and I wanted to share some of our thoughts and reasons. For the record, these were OUR personal preferences. I believe other people have the right to make other decisions that work for them.

The first thing that we reviewed and quickly ruled out was infant adoption of any sort. If you know us, you know that a lot of it had to do with the fact that I am dedicated sleeper. Sounds ridiculous, but it's beyond the mere desire of quality sleep (which frankly should be enough of a reason on it's own). I need 8-10 hours of sleep every night, or I become a very horrible monster. Even one night without adequate sleep can leave it's mark. Also, sadly for J, I am a very. deep. sleeper. Nothing wakes me up - not J trying to fix beeping smoke alarms in the middle of the night, not the house alarm going off, not being physically shaken and told I need to wake up because of "X" catastrophe. If someone broke in, I would sleep peacefully through the entire thing. That means in an infant situation, J would be doing ALL the heavy lifting - and as we recently learned with the smoke alarm incident, he would quickly begin to feel an overwhelmingsense of bitterness - not that I wasn't helping, but that I could sleep deeply through the chaos.

(Courtesy of http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/13242/2009/12/daddyincrib.jpg)

The second reason is that J is several years (8) older than I am, and so an infant adoption (with the 2-3 year typical wait) would make him almost 60 years old by the time the child graduated from high school. Love kids and all, but that's a little late to be getting your life back.

(Courtesy of http://farm1.static.flickr.com/177/440354778_952d16b6e7_o.jpg)

The third reason was that we both work, and we will both continue to work going forward. This made school age children (or close to it) a better choice for us.

And finally, J was a teacher for special ed kids when he got out of college, and found the process very draining for the parents. There are a variety of developmental disabilities that we believe we can support as adoptive parents, but their are others that we don't feel well equipped for - and most of those have manifested themselves by the time you get to school age. The big ones on our list are fetal alchohol syndrome, and impacts from drug dependencies.

So infant adoption was out.

Fostering was the next thing we looked into, and when we first reviewed it, the laws were set up so that the goal was ALWAYS to reconnect a child with the natural birth parents. That meant that the children could be in foster care for 5-10 years, and not be eligible for adoption, because the parent was still doing just enough to keep stringing the court system along. This was unpalatable for us for several reasons. First, J has a cousin who was fostered by his aunt and uncle since the day he was born, and yet they were never able to get legal custody of him (his birth mother committed suicide after he became an adult) and it was a very challenging situation for all parties. The other thing that we really didn't like about it was the bonding with a child and high risk for losing them. J already has a daughter he doesn't get to see the way he wants to - adding another bond/taken away situation was not something he felt like he could live through again.

(Courtesy of http://chernobyl.typepad.com/chernobyl_childrens_proje/images/2008/03/13/zhila_family.jpg)

So foster care was out.

That left us with International adoption - so we thought at the time. China was our first choice (for those of you who don't know, I've always had an affinity to China, to the point where I held my eyes stretched for hours at a time as a child convinced that if I held them long enough, I would grow beautiful epicanthic folds). We quickly learned that neither of us qualified. I have a facial scar (yes that's one of the rules) and J was previously divorced. He could requalify after we have been remarried for 5 years, but by then he'll be over 40, so then that rule will disqualify him. Bleh. I want it noted here that we both met the BMI index requirements - China has some interesting qualification rules.

J felt very strongly that we should only work with countries that are following the Hague Conventions. The idea of adopting a parent's stolen children just did not resonate with him, and the Hague Conventions were set up to prevent illegal adoptions. That limited our choices for countries of origin. Not being religious limited our choices way more than I thought it would. Not being married for 5 years left us with 5 options - Colombia, Guatemala, Estonia, Moldova (WTH is Moldova?!), and Ethiopia. At the time Guatemala was a Hague Convention country, but under suspension, so that was ruled out. Colombia made us nervous because it required being in the country for an extended period of time, and the words Colombia were linked with "drug cartel" in our minds. Between Estonia, Moldova, and Ethiopia, Ethiopia was the best choice for us. J joked about conducting sports tryouts at the orphanages, but it really had more to do with the fact that there were rumors of major palm greasing needed in the former Soviet block countries, and we wanted to be able to have a legitimate adoption, without lingering questions or guilt.

(Courtesy of http://www.childrenshopeint.org/ethiopia/image/Cover-2.jpg)

We seriously considered Ethiopia. For a while that was the route we were going with. We liked that Ethiopia was religiously diverse (1/3 christian, 1/3 muslim. 1/3 jewish - this made Sydni thrilled that she had a chance at a jewish sibling) all living in harmony. We liked the perspective of the Ethiopian people, who are proud and loving, but completely overwhelmed with caring for their children due to famine and HIV. They were also open to transracial adoption, which most other African countries are not. We have a diverse family (another post coming later to discuss) so it wasn't a problem for us to adopt a child with a different ethnicity.

The problem was cost. The average Ethiopian adoption runs about $35,000. Both of our companies have great adoption assistance programs, and $10,000 reimbursements, and there is a tax credit for adoptions for about $13,000, so we could come close to breaking even. The problem is that we don't believe in credit, so we'd need to accrue enough in our savings to hand out $35K cash and still have a savings to support the new family. It was a big amount for us, but we decided to put our noses to the grind and start putting serious money away.

(Courtesy of http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/07_01/billsPA_228x388.jpg)

That was when we learned about the new foster/adopt program in Arizona. I was introduced to a woman who had recently adopted two boys from the foster/adopt program, and everything that she told me sounded fabulous. Aparently they had changed the rules so that birth parents were given a specific amount of time to get their act in gear (depending on the age of the child between 9-18 months). If that did not happen, the parental rights were severed and the child would be a ward of the state and immediately eligible for adoption. The agencies that supported foster/adopt would only pair you with children that were eligible for adoption. Oh, and it cost $800, which was reimbursed by the agency upon successful completion of adoption. They also had many older children and sibling pairs already waiting to be placed.

(Courtesy of http://www.mesaunitedway.org/files/images/iStock_000013114851XSmall.jpg)

The foster/adopt (a.k.a CPS/DES adoption) seemed to meet all of our requirements, and allowed us to be able to make a difference right here in AZ. So that's the choice we have made.

Pool Requirements

2011-08-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

There have been many items/issues to be considered as we go through this adoption process. This post is on the pool - just one of those small things that has really annoyed us, so I thought I would share!

When we were looking for a home in 2009, we specifically wanted a house that had a pool. It was important, since J's daughter comes out in the summer, and it is frankly brutal here at that time of year. We were very lucky and bought a house that had a lovely backyard (by AZ standards - it probably looks like a side yard for most people, but lots aren't big out here). The most enjoyable part of the yard is that it's green, and you can't see most of the brick fence.

(We have never used the chimney thing - but there's always hope!)

Because many homes have pools in AZ, there is an unfortunately high drowning rate for children here. Every year the fire departments and news stations put out a "No Drowning" campaign, but accidents still happen. So, AZ law requires that every household with a pool either needs to have 1) a fence around the pool or 2) high doorknobs to all external doors. Our house had high doorknobs, which was our preference. Don't knock the doorknobs - Sydni is 4'6, and only this summer was she able to get enough leverage to open the door after three or four tries. I occassionally need two, and I'm almost 5'6.

The pool area was designed to have mesh fencing - and did have it when we purchased it, but somehow the mesh fencing disappeared by the time we moved in. We considered buying one, but never really got around to it.

When we started the adoption process, we were loathe to learn that the judges in AZ have refused homes without pool fences so frequently that no agency will accept high doorknobs as a viable security option. This did not go over very well at all. It was something that took us about 6 months to really agree to, and most of our reasoning was that we could use mesh fencing, and take it down once the children were fully adopted.

(That is not a real turtle on the step. It's just a mosaic turtle, who needs a name)

We found the agency that we really liked, and then we hit another snag. The agency that we're partnered with only works with children who do not have major developmental delays, are relatively healthy, and speak English - all items that were important to us. We also had a great recommendation from a friend, and that is worth it's weight in platinum. The snag? There had been an issue with a foster family who had a mesh fence and had taken it down to mow the lawn - and a child drowned. So, they do not allow mesh fencing at all. No mesh fences. At. All.

Insert an additional 6 month deliberation on the pool vs. the adoption.

When we had really come to terms with it, and said, "OK, the yard is really split in half anway, we could put a fence right down the middle of the yard, and that would be fine." we decided to jump into the training with both feet. We had our initial (exhaustive) home visit which went incredibly well, except for one piece of information - she had concerns that we would be required to put a fence around the entire pool, including this section:

Between the wall of the house, and the lip of the pool is approximately 2 ft (it might be 3 ft, but it's too hot to go out and measure it). Putting a fence in the middle of that not only blocked the view of the yard out of the livingroom windows, but also made it impossible to walk to the other side of the yard - where our good fruit trees are, the AC units, dog poop... things we need access to. This lead to the statement from one person in this family, who will remain nameless:

"F that. I am NOT putting a fence around the whole pool. I refuse to! I won't do it!! End of discussion!!"

Keeping in mind that it means you're also not adopting a child or two, that's a pretty heavy statement.

So, this lead to a panicked review of safety and pool regulations in an attempt to find a loophole - and if anyone could find one, it would be me. I'm a master of reviewing legalese, I should count it as a second language. :) Luckily I DID find a loophole, and so from there it was just hoping and pleading that DES would agree that it was an acceptable safety solution. The loophole was to "permanently disable" the windows from the livingroom and our bedroom that are along that wall. Lucky for us, this couldn't have been requested if the children's bedroom windows were there, or if the gate to get out of the yard had been on that side, as it would have prevented egress routes in case of a fire. So, since we never open those windows anyway (did I mention it's 107 degrees out right now?) we decided to do our initial pool evaluation with DES, and hope that I could convince them that disabling the windows was perfectly legal, and met all safety requirements (please, please, please, please, please!)

Good news! The DES guy was very friendly, and he immediately suggested my proposed solution, so I didn't even have to weedle my way into the discussion. He approved the plan to fence the yard in half, and even showed me how I could disable the windows.

Phew! We might actually get to the training class without another pool catastrophe!

How Did We Get Here?

2011-08-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

My Side:
I've had an underlying hormonal issue since I was 20. I basically can't produce estrogen on my own, so I've been post-menopausal for 10 years. There are many symptoms and side effects, from which I spare you the vivid (ly red) mental picture, but suffice it to say that it's not natural for a 20 year old girl to be post-menopausal. Left untreated, it made me "functionally" infertile, which basically means that I could conceive, but not build a sufficient lining, and so would be a miscarriage machine.

In relation to this issue, but because of some of the other symptoms, I've done hormone therapy two times. For those of you who don't know, each time you do hormone therapy you increase your risk of cancer to the 10th power. My symptoms were bad enough that I agreed to that -- twice. So lucky me, having already gone through menopause, I got to go through it again backwards while doing treatments, then waited six months while it wore off in the hope that I would start producing it again myself (which didn't happen). Then went through menopause again. Early in the second round (after going through menopause for a 4th time) I started rapidly developing abnormal cell growth in my cervix, and we had to cut off the therapy immediately. The solution from there was to take double birth control indefinitely, skipping placebo pills, as a low grade hormone alternative.

(picture courtesy of http://www.acupuncturenova.com)

J and I discussed the possibility of a natural birth, but the reality was that it would be high risk. It would require another round of hormone treatment, with enormous cancer risks, which neither of us were willing to do. Even then, there would be no guarantees that I could carry. When we decided that we were definitely never going to go the natural route (before we had clearly defined an adoption path) I had a tubal ligation, and ablation done, so that I could at least stop taking birth control and go back to my natural (post menopausal and 30 lbs lighter) state. That would be menopause #5, and what I dearly, seriously hope is the last one.

The good news is that I learned about my health issues many years ago, and had plenty of time to make a decision on what was the right choice for me. Whether or not we adopt children, I am comfortable with the fact that I'm not going to have my own natural children - or have the horrible symptoms of trying to make your body into something it doesn't want to be.

J's Side:
J's easier. He makes beautiful babies.

(picture courtesy of ME, I take great photos :)

He actively talked about adoption before we even decided officially that we would not go the natural route. J has a big heart. He believes that there are very few ways that you can truly make a difference in your life, and adoption is one of those times. He is energized by kids, went to school to be a teacher, and worked in a special needs class, before he started his own family and needed to make more money.

J was also influenced by a childhood friend, who was adopted, and raised in a loving family. It always impressed him that the child was "one of them", even though he was adopted.

The hardest part about the decision process for him has been the situation with his daughter, who lives in Florida 11 months out of the year. He is concerned about the impact on her (in the other part of her family, she has an older step-brother, and a younger half-sister) not being the special only child when she's here, having to share a bedroom when she comes, etc. He's also most driven to this process because he truly wants to be an every day Dad, and he's not able to do that in his current circumstances.

The Decision:

We've talked about adoption now for several years, on an almost weekly basis. It's a big change, and we already have a great life. I think sometimes that makes it even harder - why make a huge change, when everything is going well? For a long time, I struggled with not having my Sunday afternoon nap. J concerned himself about finances and afterschool activities. We both didn't want to put a fence around the pool (we bought a house with high doorknobs for a reason... but that's an entirely different post). We went back and forth on the idea at least 100 times, and never stayed in a certain direction for very long. We went to orientation for the agency we liked back in December, and we only turned our initial paperwork in this July. So... we've given it a lot of consideration.

(picture from downtownprintwear.files.wordpress.com)

Where we stand right now is pretty simple. In a cold-hearted, rational, logical approach is never ever ever ever ever going to get a family started (I'm pretty sure there's a reason why people are physically attracted to each other, because who would willingly give up Sunday afternoon naps?!). So, we agreed that we're going to sign up for classes, and see where we stand. If we feel good, then we'll get licensed, and then see where we stand. If that works, and we're commited at that point, we'll go for it. But the important thing is that we won't be feeling any pressure to move on to the next step just because we've started, or because I'm writing a blog, or because the family is expecting some changes. The right decision for us will be the right one - so now we're just looking for additional information, and training will give us that opprtunity.

Initial Home Visit

2011-08-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

Welcome to my new blog, Adventures in Adoption. Long post initially - I promist they won't all be this long. A couple of housekeeping notes:

- For those (few) of you who have this blog on your following role, it has been repurposed from tri/running race reports, to now be focused on our adoption process. Feel free to unfollow, you won't hurt my feelings.

- Since it's being repurposed, the blogs from 2009 and prior are old blogs that I still want to keep, but they have nothing to do with adoption. :)

- We had our initial home visit this past weekend, and so I'm going to start with fresh details, then play catch up, so this is not exactly in chronological order.

- We are going through the process of a Foster/Adopt Adoption, or DES Adoption - basically, kids that are eligible for adoption through Child Protective Services. We will not be fostering children who are not eligible for adoption. If you have any questions, feel free to ask - but I'll be covering those details in another post.

About two days before the home visit, I started thinking that I needed to write everything down. Part of it was so that I would remember the details of this process to tell to children later. The other part was that a lot of the blogs I was reading/searching/hunting for info on the initial home visit didn't really say much about the details. There were no how to steps, no prep for what to expect. It was mostly "CLEANED EVERYTHING!!", followed by "NO sweat, 10 minutes, why was I panicking?" This was not very helpful when I myself was panicking. And this leads to my thanking my twitter and IRL friends for being soothing, calm, and answering questions like "Do I make the bed? Or is that too obvious? Do I unvacuum the vacuum lines? What do you think about flowers on the kitchen table? HELP!! I'm ironing the shower curtain and I can't stop!"

(picture courtesy of http://images.inmagine.com)

So, in addition to my emotions and feelings for this process, I also want to let you know what I did - and how it worked out.

So, without getting into too much detail - once we decided on a US adoption, I had reviewed several agencies, gone to a Valley wide multiple agency orientation, and we decided on the agency for us. I filled out the initial interest paper (1 pg, nothing detailed) and handed it in. Within a day, our licensing specialist Diana called (and we were thrilled to get her, as we have some friends who recently adopted, and they had her as their specialist and loved her). She gave me her name, email, phone, asked for my contact details, told me she lived just a few blocks away, and then set up an initial home visit time and date. During that visit, she just wanted to get to know us, fill out some initial paperwork, and take a glance around the house.

This sounded like an absolutely adequate amount of information until... two days before the visit. That was when I realized that I had no idea what kinds of questions she would ask to get to know us (Favorite color? Am I a picky eater? Do I have a criminal record?), what kind of paperwork we'd be filling out (I was thinking everything from household income, to military release paperwork - which luckily I had handy), and glancing around the house kicked my OCD self into action.

In preparation, I was told by a family who was involved in a foster program that too neat is just as much of a turn off as too dirty. This killed me. Aparently, some agencies feel that Better Homes and Garden neat means that the family is completely unprepared for the messy monsters that will be coming to live with you. J and I are pretty neat in general. It's not that we clean every surface three times a day , but there's only two of us, and neither one is a slob, so the house doesn't really get messy. In retrospect, I probably could have cleaned off the counter tops, and been fine. But, instead, I rescheduled the cleaning ladies to come the day before the visit, cleaned out closets, reoganized the office, wiped away the vaccuum lines in all carpeted areas and the couches, swept the front courtyard, organized the pantry (things were starting to go OCD awry when the labels all had to be facing front), and yes, I ironed the shower curtain in the guest bath. But from there, I was struggling with too neat - so then I did a poll on bed making (end concensus was smooth out the comforter, but don't put decorative pillows up, let the guest bed and Sydni's bed stay made, and nice) and that lasted until about 2 hours before the meeting, when I did in fact put decorative pillows on our bed. I just. couldn't. help. myself. I also did a poll on clothing options (I wore nice jeans, and a comfy, modest black top, J went with red sox t-shirt, and khaki shorts), how many dishes I should leave in the sink (breakfast dishes), and what would constitute "lived in" (for me, scattering books around the house). I did all this anticipating she would be in the house for 10 minutes, and not look at any of it.

I was wrong.

The initial home visit took almost two hours. We filled out and reviewed mounds of paperwork, and she reviewed every part of the house to check for "potential issues" and give suggestions on things that we would need to prepare for the final home visit, after our training. I was so glad I had cleaned out the closets, you have no idea.

The good news was that I felt like she appreciated our (sometimes painful) honesty, she clearly liked the house - making comments about how big the closet was, how much she liked my bookshelves in the office, that she liked the floor plan, that we had a nice layout, and overall that we were clearly safety concious, and there were not too many changes to make. Also, for those of you following along, the smoke alarms did not chirp once while she was there. Whew. I think we made a good and realistic first impression.

The questions that she asked us were mostly on parenting. What experiences did we have with children? Had we ever worked with special needs or at risk youth? What were our preferences regarding age, ethnicity, and gender? All questions we were well prepared to answer. The paperwork is amazing. It was given in three segments - initial home visit, before training, and home study.

During the home visit, we filled out the following:
- Adoptive Families Central Registry Records Clearance (CPS background check)
- Initial Visit Questions (above)
- Adoption Orientation Checklist
- Agency Policies
- Agency Fee for Home Studies Agreement
- Department of Economic Security Release of Information
- Release of Information/Training Attendance

We were given large packets (to be discussed in a future post) to be turned in before training. Those packets included:
- Personal Profile (one for me, one for J, one for Sydni to fill out - each about 12 pages)
- 5 References - family and friends
- Application (16 pages, everything from householding info, detailed financial records, 10 years physical addresses, 10 years employment history...exhaustive details)
- Training profile (10 pgs)
- 3 sets of fingerprinting cards, each

I can't even think about the paperwork to be filled out for the home study, but it includes marriage licenses, divorce decrees, child support tables, medical reviews, counseling, CPR documentation, military discharge paperwork, credit reports, etc. It's amazing how little paperwork needs to be signed to have your own children, and yet if you want to do a good thing and raise a child without a family, well then, let's make sure CPS has your tally of birthmarks, previous haircuts, and blood type on file.

So from here, we're on paperwork duty (for those keeping track at home, the queen of papercuts has already received one from this stack - feel free to put over/under bets for the entire process tally in the comments). Our training class starts on September 21st, and we are tentatively optimistic!

So Much Fun!

2009-12-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to share a couple of great photos of the girls at the race this weekend! It was freezing cold (35 degrees) and raining during the morning, but all of the girls were confident in themselves, and excited for the race! They've worked for 10 weeks to accomplish this goal, and they've all come a long way!!

I'm so proud of my girls! The best part of the week with them was definitely the last practice. They shared how they felt about the program, and their experiences, and I was elated to hear how many girls felt like they could "do anything" and were "proud" and "confident". It was an emotional practice, but it was a good one!

Mackenzie just before the race started - ready to run!

Marissa with her mom - she has worked so hard this year! Almost at the finish!

Sophia charging ahead (a huge improvement for a girl who had never run), and Kayla behind her surviving the cold!

Lilac being the best running buddy you could ever ask for - encouraging Alondra on the way!

Amya- a champion!

Thanksgiving!

2009-11-27T11:26:00.001-08:00

Picture of Plimoth Plantation, the living museum in my hometown of the original pilgrim village. I also had my first job here - ironing out the wool costumes.

So I had my first "real" Thanksgiving at my house, and by real, I mean that my mother and her husband came, which meant that the meal had to meet a standard, rather than being a mess that my Dad and brother would love me for anyway.

I got up at 2:45am, and had the turkey in at 3:03am at 275 degrees (we did prep it the night before). After 4:40, we basted it in butter, garlic, and black pepper + turkey drippings every 20 minutes. My mother told me it would take about 10 hours to roast a 24 lb turkey. My bro spent the night, so that he could assist with basting while I went to the turkey trot with my neighbor, her friend, their kids, and of course Lilac. The "race" wound up being more of a walk, since I was the only one ready to race, but it was fun all the same. After the race, we let the kids play at the park and feed the ducks.

I got home at about 10:30...and the little thermometer was already popped up. WHAT?? the turkey can't be ready already - it's 10:30 in the morning!! But it was. I used a second thermometer, we took it out, and it was perfect! Even though we didn't eat for another couple of hours it wound up working out just fine.

Everything came out well, the turkey, two types of potatoes, portugese meat stuffing, regular stuffing, peas, sunshine carrots, sweet potato pie, homemade cranberry sauce, and of course pumpkin bread, pumpkin pecan pie, derby pie, death by chocolate cookies, and red velvet cake.

It was surprisingly relaxing, everything went smoothly, and I think everyone had a great time. The neighbor even came over to borrow our stove (hers wasn't big enough to feed 18 people), and was commenting on how nice it must be to be able to hang out together and relax.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Running in the Redwoods

2009-11-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

Ok you can tell by my lack of posts that I've been in a mulling phase. I'm trying to work with this new shot and the process of going way up, and falling way down, and then climbing back up. Basically, I'm trying to get the timing down so I feel fairly well all the time, and tweek my workout schedule to ensure that happens. It's been an interesting challenge so far. As of right now, I'm going to try to get more shots, in the hopes that I can avoid that lovely feeling I like to call "being hit by a bus".

I've changed my training plan substantially, as I've opted out of PF Chang's 1/2 this year. I just don't feel like my body is quite ready for the riggers of another long race. However, I have found the most exciting race that I plan to do the first week of May - the Avenue of the Giants 1/2 marathon!

Tell me this race doesn't sound perfect for a Phoenician? It's in May, in the the woods, in 60 degree temperatures, no time cut offs, and best of all it's $45 entry fee. Did I mention that it's in the woods? And not just any old woods, we're talking Redwood National Forest. They say that the 1/2 marathon course is the most scenic of all the options, and looking at the pictures I have to agree. It's perfect since Lilac and I were planning on doing our annual girls only trip around the giants anyway, might as well get a race out of it! She's not 100% sold on the 1/2 idea, but I basically told her that with no cut off, we can run/walk/stop and take pictures as much as we want. Just consider it a day hike, and it's a piece of cake!

(I have no idea who this is in the picture, but you need to see the scope of how massive these beasts really are).

The plan winds up working out perfectly, and I'll start running my "long" runs with an easy 3.5 this weekend, and slowly build up by 0.5 miles each week (cutting every 4th week in half, and then repeating the previous week 3 the following week) culminating in that big 10 miler the middle of April, with a perfect 2 week taper leading into the race.

This rotating 4 week plan has worked best for me in the past, so I'm going to keep up with it - and hope that I can get the shot in line as well.

I'm SO excited to go see the Redwoods (a bucket list item) and to be able to enjoy a day running with them is going to be awesome.

I'll be keeping you updated on my training successes here!

Can you guess...

2009-10-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Which one is my brother?

Light the Night!

2009-10-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

My cousin Kristen was diagnosed with Lymphoma about a month ago. (technically, she's the daughter of my Dad's best friend, who he's known since childhood, and who is my god-father, but I don't know what you call the kids of your god-father, and frankly, I see him more than any of my real relatives on my dad's side, and celebrate holidays with them, so for the benefit of this blog, I'll be calling her my cousin). She was diagnosed at stage 2, and based on it's location, treatment is 90%+ successful.

When I heard the diagnosis, I felt pretty useless. I like to be able to fix things, and this was just something that I could not fix. I had thought about it for a few days, and I decided that it was likely that everyone was feeling about as useless as me, and that there was a way to give people the chance to feel like they were contributing somehow. So I offered to captain a team for the Light the Night walk - where we could raise funds, and more importantly, meet as a big family and show Kristen in a palpable way that we are thinking of her and supporting her.

Our initial goals were pretty lofty (at least I thought so). I had initially hoped that the Penney family and my family would walk with a couple of friends. My uncle thought that we could raise $2K, which I thought was possible, but I didn't consider it entirely probable. However, the community really stepped up, and after the paper checks are counted, we'll have raised OVER $10,000!!! We had a total of 62 people make donations, and 52 people actually signed up to walk with us. It was pretty amazing to get that kind of response. In fact, we were recognized by the National Team Coordinator for our efforts! THANK YOU to everyone donated, or participated!!

The organization has been pretty difficult, especially considering the way people receive incentives by both donations and fundraising efforts. However, I've already sent out half the thank you cards (the hardest part) and I will be sending out the remainder THIS WEEK! Of course I have no pictures of the team as they gathered before the event, or of the team picture we took (I was too busy running around giving out t-shirts, checking off balloons, handing out water, etc) but I have some before shots that we took in the lull before people arrived. The one above is of my brother and I (I swear he is not a militant terrorist, he's just lazy, does not like to shave, and for some reason his beard is just patchy) underneath our pop up tent (we were graced with lovely three digit weather as we prepped for this walk).

This are my stevedore-sherpas, my dad and my bro at Tempe Town lake, both sweating their butts off after carrying tables, tents, cases of water, boxes of t-shirts, ice, and backpacks from the parking lot at Tempe Center for the Arts to our spot in the park. No, somehow I didn't wind up doing any of the heavy lifting. I had the clipboard and was checking activities off!

This is Dad posing with about half of our balloons. You can see that they each had sticks attached to them. There were lights inside of the balloons, with the wire from the light acting as your string, and you would hold on to the stick, which had a switch for the light itself. One of my father's many non-commercial talents is his ability to create and untangle knots. We had 46 balloons (6 popped on the way from the park to our tent) somehow with their wires in a hopeless tangle at about 5:30. By 6pm, he had untangled them all, confirmed that the lights worked, and prepped them for our walkers. Go Dad!

Once we had actually begun the walk along Tempe Town Lake, I realized that I had forgotten to take any pictures with MY camera before the walk. So I tried to take this one of all the balloons stretched out ahead of us on the walk. All of the red squiggles are balloons. However, I never remember that you have to be really still to take night shots, so this is how it came out. I still like it :)

It was incredibly successful, and I'm pretty sure that we'll be doing it again next year!

Race Reports: Grasshopper Congo Women

2009-09-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

I want it noted that I wrote this post four days ago, but somehow blogger lost it as it was saving before the final send. So my enthusiasm has had four days to wane. I think it has something to do with loading the picture in the beginning of the post.

This weekend, J was gone, and I had two races on the schedule. I NEVER run two days in a row, but because it was two of my favorite races, this year I figured I'd slough one or the other and do both - because I had to.

Saturday was Grasshopper Bridge (see picture) which is a race for the Phoenix Children's Hospital. This race is close to my heart, because it's important to Lilac's family. Her younger sister nearly died of a rare illness when she was younger (I never get it right, but it's something like strepptecocklemeningipneumonia - streppe, meningitis, pneumonia, and something that messed up your lungs all in one nasty little bug). The docs gave Lilac's sister a 5% chance to survive the first night! She hung on though, and because the doctors couldn't believe she was still alive they tried a revolutionary new procedure which has now made this bug survivable (nearly everyone died of it before Lilac's sister). The hospital calls her the Miracle Girl on {level} Four, so it's really important for the family to participate in the race and give back to PCH.

Since Lilac's mom decided to "race" with us, we took our time and spent more time chatting and catching up than actually running. Still it is always a great event, with the neighbors and kids sitting on the front lawns and cheering us on. After the race the whole family gathered and we went to breakfast together. It was a great morning. I had a chip, but I chose not to wear it, so my time was not official. It was also not good in any way, but that wasn't the point.

So Sunday morning was the Run for Congo Women (which incidentally will be featured on Oprah today). I had plans to run this race with Tanager, but she came down pancreatitis this past week, and had surgery on Thursday. She was still talking about racing, but I told her she was out. Besides the fact that I hate that the name of the race is not grammatically correct, this is a great event. It's put on by Women for Women International, which is a program that sponsors particular women in war torn areas. The race is a grass roots effort. If you're looking for a great goody bag, 20,000 participants and a party and concert at the finish, you're at the wrong race. last year about 20 people showed up, took off, and I was not only by myself, but since the course wasn't marked I got incredibly lost.

Although the race is important to me, with Tanager on the bench, I thought seriously about picking up our t-shirts, and going home without racing. This was further decided when my "fuel" on Saturday consisted of pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, potatoes, english muffin (breakfasts 1 and 2), pretzel fishies, a bag of popcorn from the movie theatre (lunch) tiki tenders (yes chicken fingers), and a basket of fries (dinner), and cold stone chocolate double oreo chocolate fudge love it ice cream (dessert). Finally, when my brother kept me up until 9:30 pm telling me riotous stories, I decided firmly that I was just driving by the race, and not participating.

And then Sunday morning I woke up wide awake at 5:30am, and ready to race. So I did!

I got to the event way too early, because I wanted to get a definitive answer on the race course and review a map so I wouldn't get lost again. I was told very nicely taht there was no map, but there was duct-tape directions on the course. This is meaningful because Kiwanis Park is used for a LOT of races, so there are random marks all over the sidewalks - chalk, tape, spray paint, etc. I'd like to call it out here that we need to find a standard course for this park. I've done three races just this year, and none of the routes has been similar. The guy (who was delayed) told me that he would be happy to explain the course map to me, and I listened very carefully although I didn't understand what he meant when he said "take the sidewalk past the basketball courts to the guarded loop and go around the soccer field". It took me until I got past the BASEBALL FIELDS to realize that "guarded loop" was GUADALUPE (for you non-spanish speakers that would be goo odd ah loop ay - a major street that everyone knows how to say out here).

Anyway, I would say that there were probably 30 people at the race. The horn went off, everyone took off, and I had the race course to my onesy. This is the only race where I truly enjoy this because it actually allows me to think about what I'm racing for. This time, I thought about the fact that my hospital is 3 miles from my house and how hard would I run if Sydni was sick and I had to run to get help.

I went under 40 mins! WOO HOO. Not fast for anyone else, but this race started at 8am, it was still 105 on Sunday, and it was at very hilly Kiwanis. It's almost like a triple PR to do it in those conditions. I felt incredible afterwards, and it was definitely worth getting up and doing it!

This might be the only time that I get top 10 in my age group (because I doubt there were 10 women there my age) but since it's so grassroots, the results still aren't up. I ran 39:50, only 4 seconds slower than my best race this year (in rainy beautiful 60 degree conditions) so I'm taking it.

And yes - my legs are still sore, which means I worked HARD!

Half the Sky

2009-09-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

I just read the most amazing book. Normally I save my book reviews for Goodreads, but this one is so important that I'm writing about it. It's called "Half the Sky - Turning Oppression Into Opportunity For Women Worldwide".

A week or two ago, I read an article in the NY Times Magazine by these authors which talked about microfinancing that is funneled to women in third world countries, and how and why it has been so successful. It was a fascinating article that showed how a $65 loan to a woman in the slums in India allowed her to go from a object in her home, who was frequently beaten, uneducated, and had no options, to become a successful business woman sending her kids to college, who is respected in the home and in the community. Yes, I am always skeptical about these sorts of stories - like it's great that it can happen for one person, but is that really the norm? However, the article was truly thought provoking and really forced me to look at the grey in some situations. One of the concepts that they brought out to think about was that we know that sweat shops are horrible situations, and the labor and low pay and forced overtime are all horrible - but that the only thing worse than having a sweat shop job is NOT having s sweat shop job and starving, at the whims of bad harvests, and not able to educate yourself and your children. It really made me think, and when I looked the authors up and saw that they had a book coming out on this topic this week, I immediately decided that I had to read it.

Half the Sky was an incredible book because it captured your attention, told stories through particular people, showed that NO aid is 100% successful and clearly described the challenges of giving aid - not only to show the pitfalls and issues, but to also try to avoid them. There are no Cindarella stories, and the authors take the time to show how difficult change can be for each individual and all of the social and economic impacts of making those changes.

The stories and information are often difficult to understand, gruesome, and painful to read - but they are happening to people all over the globe. However this is not a book that you read and feel down-trodden about the world. It's subtley uplifting throughout and lets you know that there are ways to change the world - but that some are better than others. It was surprising in that in some situations the authors supported drastic actions, and other times really "soft" options, that may not be palatable but have still shown that they are effective for long term improvement.

Some of the things that I learned that were fascinating -
Today, 2009, there are more women actually sold and trafficked in the sex trade across international borders than there were slaves taken from Africa during the height of the of the slave trade in the 1780's. Granted, there are more people in the world today, but it does not account for the millions of women who are sold into sex slavery within the borders of their own country.

The most effective means of keeping girls in school - give them a uniform every 18 months, pay the parents $10 a month if the girl has perfect attendance, feed her at school. That's all that it takes.

One of the best parts of the book (aside from the quotes at the beginning of each chapter which were awesome) was that it gave you many different ways to help and make a difference, whether it was letter writing, sponsoring a woman, donating time to a foundation, loaning to microfinancees, etc. After reading this book, I went to kiva.org, which is a microfinance organization that allows people all over the world to lend directly to people in need. The agreement is that once the small group receives the money, they will repay it within a year, and that if one person in the group defaulted, the others would be willing to pay the difference. You can donate a minimum of $25 to any group that you pick (you can search by gender, country, loan amount, proposed business, etc) and once the group receives the necessary funds, the loan starts.

I picked a group of five women who are hoping to open a clothing business, and who needed $450 for all five of them to start. They had received donations from a variety of people, and were only waiting on $50 to get started. I loaned them the remainder, and now these five women (pictured above) will be able to start their clothing business, and improve their own lots. Once they repay the loan, I plan to lend it to someone else.

Many starfish washed up on shore. A young boy started picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean. Someone saw what he was doing and told him that it was pointless, that there were too many to save, that it wouldn't make a difference. Throwing another starfish into the sea, the little boy responded, "It makes a difference to this one."

Why don't I Wiki?

2009-09-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

Wiki is my friend. It might be my best friend. I read it every day. I check the news, I like the what happened in history today. I really enjoy the article of the day because I have yet to figure out the algorithm which defines how random these posts actually are. This should not be a shock at all - if you know me enough to be reading my blog, you know that I love nothing more than to learn something I didn't know. I thrive on learning.

However, my boss sent me a link to this article http://mashable.com/2009/09/01/women-wikipedia/ which was titled "Women and Wikipedia Don't Mix". Before I even read the article, I was livid - how dare they say women don't like Wiki??!! I just told you, it's basically my favorite website. I was ready to rumble with this article! Then I read it, and it stopped me in my tracks.

Basically, Wikimedia recently did a survey on people who access Wiki, and of the 175,000 respondents, 31% said that they have actually made changes or authored an article, but only 4% of them were women.

Hold the phone. I can't argue with this article because I've NEVER authored an article, and even when I've read something that I KNOW is incorrect, I've never made an update. I'm on this site every day, and I know that you can update and make changes, or share knowledge, and yet it has never even crossed my mind to make a change.

The question is why?

I can't speak for other women here, I can only speak for myself. But can I even speak for myself? I'm not sure what my reasoning is, and I can't explain it with a logical solution. So I've been mentally doing a PET interview with myself, and here are my results - which is likely just a confabulation on my part, but hell I'm trying here.

Social Media - I can't say that I'm a fan, though I don't think that my reasons are exactly the same as most people who don't dig on the new world order. (And yes, I see the irony that I am posting this on my blog - I'll get there). There are three reasons why I don't like social media.

1. I don't like the fact that people can get into my world - especially my work. Work is great, but once HR finds my Facebook page, it's a whole different ballgame. Here's the thing- It's not like I'm a wild party animal and likely to be fired for posting pictures of me and Lowell dancing the night away. However, I HAVE been demoted due to something that happened outside of work, during non-working hours, with someone who wasn't an employee of Verizon Wireless (I yelled at my brother and called him a racial slur [one that accurately reflected his ethnicity] while on the phone with someone who was a co-worker). Once bitten, twice shy.

2. I don't like people. No, seriously. Unfortunately I grew up in a small town where people have been living for 10 generations and my family is the only one that left - which means that every single person in town remembers that we moved away and wants to get in contact with us. I don't care about the people I went to second grade with. In fact, I don't remember most of them at all - but they ALL remember me. My brother doesn't mind this, so I use him as my barrier. They contact him, he contacts me, I tell him no, and he ignores them even though they are allegedly his "friends".

3. I can't imagine that anyone cares about the little trivial thoughts going on in people's minds - it's great that I'm enjoying myself on the back patio and reading in the rain and all, but who cares really? And frankly, I don't care that someone else is eating lunch, or is bored at work, or likes Hugh Jackman. Really, if I cared, we would talk about this when we're together. It's also not helpful that I believe no one is interested in the random stuff that goes through MY particular mind on a daily basis- like the impact of the Han Chinese exiting Burma due to strife in that country - and how much better that must look like to them, even though it looks NO better to us.

The Blog. The one you're reading, right. I actually spent a lot of time secretly reading blogs, without ever planning to write my own. The whole thing came from reading people's race reports, which they posted on their blogs. I liked reading about the things that happen to other people during their races and how they handled them, because it taught me how I could think differently when I hit the same speed bumps. I also liked reading about their training woes and triumphs.

When I did my first triathlon, the Tri for the Cure in 2008, I was so overwhelmed by the experience and wanted to share it with my family that I actually wrote my own race report so that I could try to share the moments during the race with them. Then it turned out that they really liked them, so I started writing race reports for all of my races. This was still through email. Then I read a couple of blogs about their privacy protection and how you could prevent it from being really public- so I said why not?
The reason I'm ok with the blog is that it is set up as private, and no one reads it. Maybe 4 people do, but they all received the blog link from me, so they are people that I know and trust. It's really not for anyone else. It's for me. It's like a diary that happens to be online and lets me look back at my training and races, etc.

Goodreads. I use goodreads, and I post my feelings about the plethora of books that I read because I know that there are actually 3 people who actively read my posts, because I lend them my books. Not only do I get to remind myself how I felt about a book when I had freshly read it, but I get to share the things that I love with the people that I love. Does it get any better? Plus I think the rating system, helps me clarify how I really felt about the book. Would I do it if my 3 followers didn't read them? Yes, but it's because there's still value to me and organizing my library.

So why don't I Wiki?
I can say conclusively that I'm not a fan of Social Media, though I can't confirm that the reasons I've provided are the "real" reasons, but I tried. But what does this have to do with Wiki-ing? Everything.

I am a maven. I love to learn. I like to learn about anything, but I'm most fascinated by people - how they interact, how they react, how they organize themselves, etc. I like them historically, culturally, literally, just not personally (See the I hate people thing above!). However, as much as I love to read, I'm not really a fan of sharing my knowledge with random people. I don't like to teach, and I don't like to train. I like to talk to the people I care about (all four of them) and get their opinions on what I'm thinking about, but frankly, I don't think that the lowest common denominator gives a crap about the concept that the only thing worse than working in a sweat shop in a third world country is NOT working in a sweatshop in a third world country.

Also, as a rabid learner, there are some things that are sacred to me, and one of them is the information in an encyclopedia (even one that is updated by people every day). I can't update an encyclopedia! I'm just not qualified. And what if my bias in an article negatively impacted someone else's feelings on that particular topic. Plus what am I actually going to write about? I don't consider myself an expert in anything!

I've thought all morning about making an update in a Wiki article, and I've found that I'm paralyzed and completely incapable of doing it. Is it possible that this same feeling of inadequacy, or of not being right, or of potentially looking the fool is part of why I don't participate in most social media?

I think it's probable, and I think I need to dig down deeper to try to understand. Where is Eric Schaffer when I need him to psycho-analyze me?

Circadian Rhythms

2009-08-20T08:13:00.000-07:00

This picture is of Little Tova modeling her favorite outfit from the school clothes shopping that we did - yes, the scarf was a must have, and yes, it has sparkles. I'm so envious of kids clothes.

She was here for 10 days and it was magical - for the first time in years it actually felt like summer time while we were in AZ (probably the first time ever for us). There's something about spending the whole day in your bathing suit, swimming for 5 hours, eating outside (in the misters, fan, and shade) diving for rings at the bottom of the pool, and playing freeze tag that just makes it summer time.

It's also funny how the little queues that we get from the universe changes our rhythm and has us thinking of the next season. We went school shopping, she went home, and she starts school on Monday. That means it's fall.

The sun is starting to rise later here, which means it's back to the gym and my glorious summer outside is over - so it's now fall.

Here's the thing. I've found myself thinking about sweaters, and Christmas, and being cold in the mornings - yet nothing has physically changed from last week. I'm still getting up at the same time. It's still in the 100's every day, it's still exactly 79 degrees in my house - just like it has been all summer - and yet I found myself putting on a hoodie this morning because I was "cold". Why? I have no idea. I also started looking through my desktop pictures for something with fall leaves. Eileen - it's still actually August. And hot. And not remotely autumn like.

I just think it's interesting how these small changes can changed the way that I'm thinking about the environment that is exactly the same.

Anyway, going back to the gym has been weird because it doesn't feel weird. It's like I didn't spend the last 5 months outside. The same treadmill, the same bike, the same shows on, the same people trying to pick other people up. It does give me a chance to focus more on training specifics, but I'm still waffling with where I want to take my training this winter and in the spring.

I still definitely definitely want to do the XTerra Offroad Tri in May, yet I haven't been out on my bike and in the mountains in well over a month. I've been on the bike, but just on the canals. I need tog get back to pemberton - maybe for Labor Day. The hard thing is that not doing PBR in October and not being able to find another offroad race, nevermind a good offroad race, means that I'm sucking wind with the offroad training.

I have been running South Mountain, but I also can't seem to find a trail race anywhere around for the rest of the year either. So I'm just going to have to step up my weekend outdoor training, and get good mileage done indoors during the week.

I haven't been swimming at all - unless you count the diving for pool rings. Lady Tiara is going to be doing the fall splash and dash, and I'd like to do it - but I looked at the distances, and the swim distances are fairly long - 1000 m and then a couple of K running. I need to do some research on temperature of the lake and whether or not I need a wetsuit, and then I need to find some cojones and actually get in there.

Since I can't seem to find a race that meets any of my needs - I've been looking at the following races for the rest of the year - none of these are guarantees at this point.
- Grasshopper Bridge for Children's Hospital - 9/26 This is the Miracle Girl race that we will probably do, but probably walk most of it because Lilac's family likes to go, and none of them run consistently.
- Run for Congo Women - 9/27 I swear would it be so hard for them to make this race gramatically correct? It should be Congolese. Anyway, it's only a 5K this year (last year it was 10) and although it's the day after Grasshopper Bridge, since we'll be sloughing and I really like the home grown roots of this race, I'll probably do both. It doesn't hurt that J will be in Boston this weekend.
- Ghosts/Goblins 5k - Oct 31 - Might be interesting. I just want a race in Oct, and aside from the weekend I'm gone there's not much out there.
- World Run Day/Run Against Domestic Violence - 11/8 I want to do the Run Against Domestic Violence with my girl who has experienced it and is still struggling to get out of the marriage. We say every year that we're going to do this race, but for some reason there's always a horrible dust storm or something that prevents it. This year we're going. It's also World Run Day, and I can sign up for taht, get a t-shirt and run wherever I want - like the other race.
- Iron Girl - 11/15 - Since this is not the GOTR race for the fall season I might be able to run it - though I've crossed out the 10 miler at this point. I know that Lilac had visions of our hubbys dressed in pink and waiving sparkly signs for us. I'd like to do this one.
- Mesa Mi Amigo's Turkey Trot - 11/26 - Best race of the year. I'll be there, and then I'll get to eat whatever I want for Thanksgiving dinner.
- Fiesta Bowl 5K - 12/6 - This will be mandatory since it's the GOTR race this year.

We'll see how it all irons out!

Race Report: Summer Series #5 - South Mountain - 8/9/2009

2009-08-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

Ok the reason for this late post is because Little Tova was with us for the last 10 days, and frankly she's more important - sorry!

Pre-Race: I signed up Little Tova and Papa in case she wanted to earn some bling (one of my race medals) she told me that she wanted a medal but she didn't really want to run. I told her sorry, you have to pick, she picked pancakes and eggs with Daddy - which was A-OK with me, as I really really wanted to run this last race hard and finish strong.

We got to the race and did all our standard pre-race stuff. Again, a lot of people there - definitely more than last year.

Race: This is such a weird course. You leave from the far end of the parking lot of the South Mountain preserve, and run along the parking lot - which is so long that you run .6-.7 miles just to get out of the parking lot. The first 1.5 miles is all uphill - the insidious uphill where you're not necessarily licking the dirt, but you can't understand why you feel so slow and tired so quickly. It's probably a 2% incline on the way up, with a couple of sections that are steeper. So to get to the first guard station out of the park is .6 - .7 miles, and then you run along the road to the second guard station which is the mile 1 marker. At this point you're just looking forward to hitting the water station and going DOWNhill for the second half of the race. The .5 miles from the second guard station up to the water station loop is pretty steep, and it hurts. The best part is that you hit the water station, and then go downhill the rest of the race. It's an out and back course, but that .6-.7 miles on the way back from the first guard station to the end of the parking lot takes FOR-EV-ER. It's the longest finish "sprint" of all time.

This year it felt WAY better than last year - probably because the temperature was in the low 90's, which felt great, but also because I was definitely acclimated and had been doing hillwork all summer, so I didn't feel like I was going to die before I even got out of the parking lot (like last year). Lilac and I had a great time, and we decided that the Summer Series isn't that bad if you actually prepare for it.

Post Race: 44:09 (there IS this thing called South Mountain involved in the race which slows you down just a speck), 442 pts, 36/38 in the 25-29F division, 634/660 overall.

SERIES: 20/111 in the 25 - 29F division, 168/712 of all women, 1865 pts. This put me in the top 18% for my age group, and 23% overall.

Am I dissapointed that I finished in 20th place again this year? A bit, yeah. Still I earned 400 more points than last year, had better times at every single race than last year, and there were more people competing this year - so I guess I can't ask for more than that. I have had stray thoughts about signing up in the walk division next year, since I run/walk every race, and I'd have been in 8th place if I had - but it just feels like cheating to me.

Goals for next year's series - earn 500 points in a race, break 2000 points overall, place in the teens, break my PR at the first race.

Summer Series #4 Kiwanis Park - 07/18/09

2009-07-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

First, sorry about that last post. It's amazing how getting not enough sleep can turn me into a human thundercloud like that. I feel fine today :)

Pre-Race: Lilac could not attend this race because she's in Minnesota for some Army thing. As I may have hinted at yesterday, I wasn't really looking forward to this race in any way at all going into this weekend. However, after I rumbled and threw down some lightening, I realized that every single complete meltdown that I've had as an athlete has been at Kiwanis Park.

- My first run there was the first GOTR race that I ran as a running buddy - and although I made it painfully clear that I wanted to make a slow girl feel like a rock star -they gave me Miss Speedy Gonzales, who I attempted (and failed) to catch the entire race.

- My first 10K - Run for Congo Women (yes, the grammar is wrong and yes it drives me insane that it's not Congolese) was at Kiwanis. It was such a small event that there were like 50 people there, and they all took off at the start of the race - and I not only got left in the dust, but also got completely lost on the course, since it was poorly marked, and wound up making up my own route. I came close to 6.2, with my 6.08 mile run, but I was panicking the whole time, and it was a disaster.

- The lowlight was the the Chances for Children Triathlon, where I got hit by a car while biking to the race, and decided to do it anyway. The craptastic event that followed that decision (completely blowing up on the "run" which I walked the whole way because my knee was too swollen to bend, temporarily quitting when I couldn't find the entrance to the bathroom and erupting into frustrated tears, being the LAST finisher, and getting a DNF because they had already removed the finish line and packed up before I got there) lead to my personal intense dislike of Kiwanis in general - which is one of the reasons I was less than excited about this race.

4:30am. Alarm goes off. Eileen (stupidly) checks the temperature. It's a cool 94 degrees, and pitch black outside. Yes! (apply sarcasm as necessary). Still I'm determined to challenge myself to push this race and leave it all out there. I'm going to beat this damn park. I have no time goal. time doesn't matter - my goal is to follow my plan and push myself throughout the race.

I eat, get ready, and I'm out the door by 5:30am. Arrive at the race by 6, get my bib and chip, hit the honey pot, do my pathetic warm up jog, and then line up for the race.

Race: For this race course, they chose to start in the park area on the east side of All American Way, just south of the Garden of Sister Cities. The course started north, and my goal was to run to the bridge, walk along the rose gardens, and start running around the lake when the path split. In fact, I started running once I go up to the hill where the GOTR race generally starts, and ran around the lake and over the first hill on the east side of the lake. Walked over the next two small hills to catch my breath, and then ran through the 1 mile marker, through the rose garden, under the bridge and to the water station which was right on the top of the hill after the bridge on the east side. This was a poorly coordinated course, because the water station was only on the left, where the super fast guys were already coming back from their loop out, and we slow pokes (who really needed the water) couldn't get any. A simple additional table and some water on the right side would have fixed this. Anyway, eventually I was able to sneak through and get some water, and then ran down the east path to the big curve that goes around the rec center. Walked to the soccer fields, ran the along the long part and short part of the soccer field, then walked along the street side of the field - and passed the Mile 2 marker. I ran back to the courts, walked to the rec center bend, ran to the water station (this was the hardest run section mentally) walked down and up the hill by the bridge, and then ran it in for the rest of the race. I have no idea where I finished, and I'll have to add a post script later about standings, since they won't post until at least Tuesday. I can say that when I finished, I knew I had put it all out on the line, done even better than my plan, and worked my but off.

Post Race: I definitely pushed it today. It took quite a while to get rid of the foggy brain, and I'm still red in the face (it's 8:30am now.) I definitely feel like regardless of the time (it was definitely over 42 minutes), and the goals that I set for the series, I can look back at this race and say that I beat the goon in my head and I showed this park that it can't get the best of me - even when conditions were not ideal.

Here's hoping for 500 points, and a spot in the teens - but even if it's not, that's ok with me. I know I ran this race to the absolute best of my abilities!

Post script - Results - like I said, the time stinks, but is not a reflection of the progress that I made mentally in this race. Also, about 5 minutes faster than the last summer series race last year in similar conditions. All's progress!

Summer Series #4: 42:51, 29/31 F 25 - F29, 246/268 female, 642/676 overall
Women's Standings: 16/98 F25 - F29, 129/639 female, no results overall
My points for this race was 458. Still one race to go!

Death Valley

2009-07-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

This is a poor me blog. Just skip it. I just need to complain to myself. And yes, I know that the rest of the year in AZ is gorgeous. I know that when people are slogging through snow, I'll be out running trail in shorts. I know all of this, but I'm still whining today).

It's been over 110 for the last two straight weeks. And not just 111 each day, we've had some beautific 115+ days here. Note: they shut down the airport if it hits 117, because the tarmac actually melts. Like literally.

The mean temperature for the last month - including the night time weather - was 96.67 degrees according to the electricity bill I just received. It's hitting 100 degrees one minute after the sun comes up at 5am or so. Then there were the great articles in Runnersworld this month. The first one gave degrees and how much you should slow down off your pace - except that it said "90+? Just walk". Well thanks Runnersworld, that does not help my motivation. The second was a long article on some guinea pigging that Amby Burfoot submitted to which involved determining the impact of heat on the body when all other running conditions were consistent. We'll just say that he ran at a very easy pace for an hour - in the 53 degree weather test he was pronounced healthy as a horse. In the 90 degree test, he had a temperature of 103.5 (104 is heatstroke), and a heart rate at 96% of his maximum threshold. His lactic buildup was off the charts as well. And this was for a nice easy loping run. The moral of his story was even nice gentle runs in the heat can kick your ass - so don't do it.

Wow, thanks. I hadn't noticed that.

The crappy part is that there's always this little caveat - give yourself two weeks to acclimate - but it never actually says how much more acceptable that makes it to run. And we're talking about 90 degrees in these articles. I ran on Saturday, where the high was 116.

Ok I'm working out of the complaining thing.

I think the problem with the summer here is that everyone and every article is talking about how wonderful it is (and I've been in Seattle two weeks in a row, and I can attest - it's absolutely GORGEOUS out there now), and how people are training hard for fall marathons, and trail runs, etc and I want to be able to be motivated and excited about it, but then I go out and check the mail and say Forget it. There's absolutely nothing out there that's talking about motivation and struggling with the weather - probably because this is the best season for most of the country. We're just backwards. In the winter, when I want to be outside every day, all of the articles are about getting out there and doing a little bit - which doesn't help me when I'm running 10 milers.

)(*(*&%%$#@!

I have a race tomorrow, and I don't even want to go. There. I said it. I don't want to go. My bro said today "The things you do for 'fun' are insane. Why are you sweating it out for cancer? Write a check." Yeah I can't say that I can disagree with that philosophy right now.

All I can say is that I hope that tomorrow the race report will say that it was worth it. And that I make over 500 points. And that I get into the teens in the women's standings.

Death Valley here I come.

Summer Series #3 Rio Vista Park - 7/4/09

2009-07-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

I know, how dare I post a race report when the race took place two weeks ago. In my defense, I wanted to write the race report that day, but the overall standings didn't post until after I started traveling again, and I just haven't gotten to it until now.

Also, see the swirling heat that is shown in the Summer Series logo? That's actually how it feels. Seriously.

Pre-Race: As always, the 4th of July race is generally my favorite race for the community feeling, but right up there as my least favorite due to the fact that it's been in the teens for the last two years. This year, it wasn't quite as hot, but it was really sticky. It was way worse than just being hot and dry.

Lilac and I had planned to meet at the Borders parking lot and take the long trip to Glendale together in her new car. Generally she texts me when she's left, and again right on time to tell me she'll be five minutes late. This happens almost every time we get together. So I get up at the ass crack, eat something, get dressed, set the alarm off again, frantically turn it off, and get my happy ass in the car to meet her at 5:15. As always, I am 10 minutes early. I wait, and then I realize - crap. She didn't text me. This means pretty much conclusively that she is still sleeping. But, who wants to call someone at 5:15am on a holiday and ask if they are still sleeping? I decided to wait the 5 minute standard grace period, and another 5 minutes, just in case. I finally text her at 5:25, when it is absolutely dire to get on the road for the race that starts in 65 minutes all the way across town. She's sleeping. She's frantic. She's convinced she can still make it to the race, even though she's at LEAST 25 minutes behind me. I tell her to go back to sleep. She absolutely refuses.

OK then, so I drove to the race, and hoped she'd make it. While I was driving, I decided that it didn't matter if we started with everyone else or not, it was more important to run with her, so I'd wait.

Due to the semi-narrowness of the course, they decided to start in waves. 6:30am, off goes the fast people, then the pretty fast people, then the semi-fast people, then the less fast people, then the slow pokes, then the walkers.... and then I get the call from Lilac - yes she's actually lost. So I walk her through how to get back to the freeway and start over. Meanwhile, I'm standing at the starting line by myself with and extra bib and chip, and the announcer is looking at me, and then says "Last call?" I explained the situation, and promised that we would not be the last finishers if I could just have 4 more minutes. Finally, she's parked and running through the long parking lot, right to the start line, throws her chip on, and off we go!

Race: Again, the weather was beastly. I had sweat pouring down my face in big droplets about 10 minutes into the race. I generally don't start to sweat at all until about 15 minutes in (why do runners know these things about themselves? I have no idea...). The course itself was all on a wide sidewalk that rolled up and down the banks of a fairly large (dry) wash. There were, unfortunately, no good consistent landmarks to run off of, so we just did the best that we could. We ran south along the eastern bank, under a bridge, and just as we were approaching a decent sized hill up to the top of the bank did we hit Mile 1. Just after we got up to the top of the hill, we hit a water station (thank you gatorade) and then continued cruising south to the turn around point - which crossed the wash at the bottom of the wash, and was sidewalk, but not the place I'd want to be if a flash flood was coming. Hit mile 2. The other side was just as boring, just as hilly, just as humid - and oh by the way they decided to make this a 4 mile race this year, because a good ole' 5K would have been too easy. Still we had hopes that the 4 miles would scare people off and we could get better spots in the series. There was a second water stop at Mile 3 - thank you! The finish of the race was across a pedestrian bridge, and right back to the starting line, now the finish line. Overall, I can't say that it was particularly interesting, exciting, or enjoyable. It was just another race. The good news is that I gave myself a very liberal you'd better finish by 60 minutes, or be embarassed for all time, and I finished before that, so all was good.

Post Race: Breakfast, and TWO cold chocolate milks.

Results Race #3: 58:55, 27/27 F25-F29, 230/245 F, 634/656.

Series Standings after #3: 20/85 F25-F29, 140/558 F, no overall available

*Also, let the record show that the female winner for every race has been in my age group. In addition, the record should also show that this was my slowest race of the season, yet I got the most points. Similarly, my best race is the one I have the fewest points in. My new goal is to get 500 points in either race #4 or race #5.

Next stop - Kiwanis, this weekend!

Zanjero!

2009-06-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's been fairly sticky this weekend - above 20% humidity which makes the weather rather unbearable. However, I decided to take my bike out exploring this morning, and I found some amazing things!

- The biggest jackrabbit I've ever seen
- Several cotton-tails, and lizards (no confirmed snakes, I'm going to assume the rustling in the bushes was lizards)
- A huge great blue heron that did not want to remove itself from my path - at least 4 1/2 feet tall
- The standard scattered horses and cows
- An arboreteum/set of greenhouses with flowers that lasted for a mile
- U Can Fly Trapeze School - seriously, there's really a trapeze school with full blown outdoor stage and nets and everything
- A new park (Zanjero Park) that runs all the way from Lindsey and the eastern canal to Mercy Hospital
- A 12 mile route where I only have to cross two streets (twice), and get to stop for Einstein's on the way back!

The park was great with this wide sidewalk that went around the edge in a giant U, and a valley inside the U that had picnic areas. All of the paths inside were dirt paths, and they will be great practice for my downhills/uphills when I can't make it to the mountains.

I had seen the park from the freeway, but had no idea how to get there, or what it was for. I completely stumbled upon it this morning, but when I saw the sign, I was like, um, Zanjero Park? What the heck does that mean? I spent the next twenty minutes or so thinking about what it could be - a rich patron of the town, one of the great rodeo riders (I wasn't far from the Gilbert Rodeo Park), a historical figure... whatever it was, it sounded like a command for my bike to move! Vamanos! Zanjero!!!!

Bet You Didn't Know: Zanjero is Spanish for “water master,” and today still is used as name of the occupation of controlling water supplies. (Yes I had to look it up) It is in fact owned by SRP, and was created as a park to support the water retention area for the freeway - which is why the picnic areas are built at the bottom of the valley, and the pathways go around the top of the retention area. Not quite as cool as my guesses, but it was at least suitable.

Mother Nature's Gift

2009-06-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

So alright, I'll admit it. I've been feeling stagnant for the last week or so. It's not the heat, not my performance, not the hour of the day, not the consistency. It's the route. I'm sick to death of the "Allen Loop".

When we first bought the house, I was so excited that there was a perfect 3.1 mile loop within my neighborhood that I decided to use it all the time, and not go to the gym at all for as long as it remained light out during my training time. It's basically an L shaped loop with the long part of the L being exactly 2.5 miles out and back, and the small part of the L being .6 miles out and back. It runs up and down my neighborhood passing 3 parks and a variety of "green" areas each way. It's idyllic. Really, it's perfect for a runner. The paths are even lines with flowering trees the entire way.

But say I run 4 miles on Tuesday, 3.1 on Thursday, and then bike 4 laps on Monday, and 5 laps on Wednesday. I've now seen each of these parks 24 times. In one week. I've been running this same path for nearly 3 months. I'm done. It also doesn't help that I've been having so much fun in the mountains that I really want to ride/run on trail in the morning, and the neighborhood just does not have the same appeal.

The benefits of it, and the reason I haven't switched up the route, though I have switched up HOW I run/ride the route, is that it's very safe, and there's limited exposure to cars and stupid drivers who don't pay attention at 5am. It's fairly flat so it's a good compliment to the trail running, and it starts and ends at my house. Still, with all that in mind I've just been dreading getting out there the last week. So I've tried to do some interesting brick work, where I ride around once, and then run around once, then ride, then run which did break it up a little bit. I rode around the neighborhood twice yesterday, so I was on the main surface streets. But this morning just wasn't interesting me at all.

I got up, almost said screw it, convinced myself to get up, got dressed, almost gave up when I couldn't find my good socks, found them, got the dogs out, and stepped outside where the sun was coming up as it usually is at that time of morning. As soon as I stepped out of the courtyard, 5 big raindrops hit me, even though it was sunny, and I very nearly turned around and went back in the house and called it a day.

Then I started telling myself that I've actually had fun in the rain in the past, and I'd give myself to the point where I can quickly turn around and run back to the house if it was lightening but if not I was committed to running 4 miles.

It looked weird - sun coming in from the east, yet cloudy above me and raining all around me. I was just running easily, and trying to mentally get ready for this run, and all of a sudden as I reached the first turn around, I looked to my left, and over the park across from me is this unbelievable double rainbow that is arching all the way down perfectly around the park.

I actually stopped dead.

It was magical - I couldn't have drawn it better myself, and both rainbows looked super clear and in fact the bottom one actually started over, so you saw red orange green blue purple red orange again before it faded out.

Wow.

I could almost hear Mother Nature telling me to take that! and how did I like my route now b*? The flowering trees and parks weren't enough, so she made me an amazing double rainbow.

So after that I was kind of like - wow, ok that was worth getting up for, and the lighting continued to be really weird, because the sun was just coming up, but it looked like spot lights on the trees because it was cloudy overhead. Each time I started to get mentally tired, this gorgeous little breeze wafted in, and then just as I was getting really hot and humidly tired at about 3 miles, it started gently showering and felt awesome.

I guess somedays even the mundane can surprise you. You really never know what you're going to get when you get out there!

Summer Series #2 Horse Lover's Park - 6/14/09

2009-06-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

Pre-Race: Lately I've really been focusing on speed and interval work, getting outside, running trail, and basically being more acclimated for the Summer Series races. I haven't run at the gym since we moved into our new home at the end of March, which is not only a record, but is also way more fun.

Since I had a very decent race at Papago, I was convinced I could PR at Horse Lover's Park. It's a flat course, and there's a long tunnel of shade from sage brush that makes the run much more manageable. However, the course is also very sandy (dusty for those of us in the back) and I just couldn't quite remember the entire course in my mind (which is actually ridiculous, because this happened to be our home training course when I ran cross country at PV High, so I've been through the course probably fifty times).

I read my race report from last year to make sure that my memory was pretty accurate from the race, and it surely matched the race report, but I have to say, the race report didn't have a lot of detail on the course itself. It basically said I hate sand, love sagebrush, and hate the sun.

Lilac and I got up bright and early to drive up all the way to Horse Lover's Park, which is on the very north end of the Valley. We arrived at her parent's house at 5:55am, for a bathroom break, and then drove to the park, which is about a mile from her folk's. Again, it was more crowded than it has been in year's past, though we didn't see Lady Tiara (hope everything is ok girl!). We warmed up, and lined up in th back of the line.

Race: OK, so this race starts out going west through the park to the street where it curves around several times. We spent about .75 mile on the road, and then finally got on the dirt way after I remember getting on the dirt. This year the sand wasn't nearly as deep. It wasn't hard packed clay, but it was a comfortable soft surface that didn't eat away at us. Mile 1 happens on the dirt, and we spent that first mile really toodling along in the desert. We didn't actually get to the tunnel until 1.5 miles in (the water stop was almost immediately when we entered the tunnel.

This is where we noticed that Autam was having a skin reaction - her legs were swollen and blotchy red - generally indicative that she had been bitten by an ant, but in this case we believe it was just the dust - she has such sensitive skin! We threw a couple of cups of water at her legs, which seemed to relieve some of the itching, walked so that her socks could dry out a little (maybe I was a little over-enthusiastic with the water splashing) and then took off down the tunnel. The tunnel is so nice and cool and shaded that you just want to take your time with it, but that's where you can make the difference up. We ran through a good portion of it, passed the mile 2 marker, which is at the very end of the tunnel, and then went back out into the sun.

I'll admit here that it was quite a bit cooler than it has been at this race in past years. I would say that it was in the mid 80's to low 90's, which is a blessing for the summer series.

When we passed the mile 2 marker it said 28 minutes, and I knew that it was not going to be a PR day. I'm not sure what happened, because I felt rather good, but the clock was just moving faster than I was - even with the quick ant scare stop. I'll admit that this kind of took the wind out of my sail, and rather than push for the impossible, I just sat back and let the rest of the race happen. The last mile is on sand and we zig zagged from the front parking lot, zig zagged through the park, finally saw the chain linked fence, and knew that the end was almost in sight.

Post Race: We saw Cindy and Bob at the finish line - both of them still convinced that they aren't going to do the whole series, but both smiling and kicking our rear-ends with the extra 30 years or so that they have on us. We went to breakfast with the Lilac's parents (the buttermilk spice muffin at Mimi's is WONDERFUL) and then came home to finish painting the office.

I think the most challenging part of this course is the fact that it meanders so much and there are really no visuals that you can use to queue run/walk patterns. At Papago, I worked with the high tension wires - run three, walk one. With this it's like "well there's some sage...". The sections that we do have, street, dirt, tunnel, dirt, are too long to use as sections for running, and breaking them up is a challenge. I've learned that I can mentally push myself as long as I have a visual queue. When I'm not working with something consistent and in front of me, I struggle more.

Race Results: 42:47, 648 of 689 overall, 43 out of 46 females in the 25 - 29 category (44 being lilac), results not yet posted for the series - but I'm hoping to move up a little bit. I'll repost once it's listed.

Race Report: Summer Series #1 Papago Park - 5/23/09

2009-05-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

Pre-Race: This is the first Summer Series race of the season. After taking a long look at least year's results, it became obvious to me that a top 10 finish for the series really isn't in the cards for me - however I decided that I still want to improve on my overall placement against last season. Lilac missed this race, since she's honeymooning in Europe right now, so it gave me an opportunity to really focus on a goal with full concentration.

It's been overcast, cool, humid, and rainy for the last few days, and I've been praying that it would either be raining, or very cool and overcast during the race - since my best times last year were at rainy races! The forecast had said that it would be in the low 100's today, but when I woke up, it was still cloudy and cool. I absolutely cheered the few patehtic raindrops that hit my windshield as I drove out to the course.

There were a LOT of people there (there goes my small hope that the sagging economy would help my overall placement). In retrospect it makes a lot of sense. Where else can you take your family for 5 mornings of activity for a total of $25? Still, there were a lot of charity groups there - something you never see at Summer Series - and lots of high schools trucking their kids in.

*Reminder - this race is the only one with an age-group setup - so the 80+ year old women go first, then 80+ year old men, then grandparents and children go, and then they seed everyone else. Dorothy, our single 80+ year old (and the "professional" from last year) actually false started (she didn't hear the gun go off right next to her, poor dear!) so we did it again, and off she went. She had the most remarkable fuzzy red hat on. It was awesome.

Race: After pummeling my way through the teenage boys clogging up the corral, I was off - a bit after my +12:15 start time, but hey it's chipped timed anyway so no big deal.

The race course is fairly hilly for the first .25 miles, and then it lands you right onto the canal, which you run up to the turn around point, and return the same way. Although my goal was to PR (this is my best chance because of the weather) I wanted to manage myself - not go out too fast, pace myself, challenge myself, and finish strong. I feel very good that I did all of those things. My challenges were to run the entire park/hill area out and back, to run two major electric poles, and walk one continuously, and to not stop in the congestion of the tunnel either on the way out or on the way back. They were challenges for me, and I conquered them all! I also didn't get passed by someone coming back while I was going out until the 1st mile marker, which is a big deal.

What's so interesting to me is that since I've really tried to focus myself on the concept of the challenge and asking myself "Why can't I do this? What's the worst that could happen?" I feel more and more confident with my running. Rather than just running completely by feel, setting up clear physical goals for myself is actually making me a better runner.

I tried actively to not look at my watch, but it happens. My first mile was 12:42, which is perfect - not too fast out of the blocks, but definitely above where I've been training. When I got to the halfway point, I was actually surprised that felt as good as I did, and that I was halfway through the race. I hit the second mile at 26:22, and thought, ok, still right around 13 mins/mile! In the third mile, I just kept telling myself that I was already in the last mile, and it surprised me- I just felt so good. As I left the canal to get back into the park, I checked the watch again, and saw that I had 4 minutes to go before I would hit my PR time - but it's a hilly last 1/4 mile. Still I tried to push up and down the hills, I was racing, I hurt, I pushed, I kept looking for the finish line, which you can't see until you are there, and I climbed up that last hill and crossed.... 10 seconds short of a PR.

Still I can't complain - it's got hills, and I was only 10 seconds off from a pancake flat race. I also pushed myself as much as I could, and I feel very confident with how great I felt, and how much I gave to the race.

Post Race: Lady Tiara and the Hansons were racing as well, and they were kind enough to wait for me, and cheer me on at the finish line! Such good people, and both of the Hansons ran really good races! Lady Tiara beat me by 4 minutes, but she was hoping for a few minutes less. We did have some rocking breakfast, which was a great end to the morning festivities! I haven't figured out who had the better race yet percentage wise, but trust me, I will!

Race time: 39:46 (still under 40!), which is a 12:46 mile, 54/56 in the 25 - 29 female category (a long way to go to get up from 54th place!), and 724/791 overall. Go me!

I couldn't be any happier about this race considering how I was feeling until recently, the travel I've been doing, and still being prepared!

Making Friends with the Hills!

2009-05-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy, yet exciting weekend. I successfully rode my bike at South Mountain, which is a level 1 of 10, but definitely more than the canals, and had a great trail run!

After having a great homework practice on my bike Friday morning, I was excited, yet prepared to be completely humbled when I met with Joanie and her man to ride the desert classic trail. The first section was fairly flat and not at all rocky. There were some patches of sand but it was totally rideable. It did have that tricky uphill thing, where you're basically riding uphill the whole way, but you can't precisely tell that on the way up, so you're just wondering why your legs hurt after five minutes of riding... the second portion had some "serious" hills (I'm sure my definition will change) but for me, they were absolutely scary. Most of the hills were in and out of washes, so they were steep down and quick steep back up. I was very conscious of sticking my butt out off the back of the bike to ensure that I didn't flip over on the down, and held on to my rear brake basically the whole time down, which meant that I had no momentum to go up the hill. This meant that I would come down slowly, pedal my heart out and stop halfway up the hill, bail off the bike and walk up the rest of the hill. Joanie was great and encouraging, and totally didn't appear to mind stopping every time I had to walk my bike up a hill. We road out and back, and on the way back, I tried to ride the brake a little less, and I only had to get off and push twice, which I think is good progress. The down was SOOOO fun, because that sinister quiet uphill became a totally fun but not at all scary downhill. There was probably a mile stretch where I never even peddled, I just wound with the curves in the road, stood up on my pedals and enjoyed the ride down.

I left the run feeling exhalted and empowered, and determined that with practice I can achieve this goal. I WILL be able to ride at Papago. I will be able to ride at Del Valle. Even better I really enjoyed it. I am feeling very lucky that I chose to challenge myself, because I'm really having FUN out there - and isn't that what it's supposed to be about?

Of course the mood was shattered when I was chatting incessantly to Joanie and her man while taking my bike apart, and then realized that I had locked my keys in my car. I'll save you the long story, but it involved a hammer, and I didn't get home until 11pm on Friday night.

This morning, after Lilac's bachelorette party, I decided to get out and run the South Mountain trail again. I just want to do it consistently in the event that it actually someday gets easier. That's my goal. Keep running the mountain trails in the heat, and road races earlier in the morning will become easy, right? right?

Two weeks ago I ran this trail (I blogged about it) after a two week travel hiatus and about 11.5 hours of sleep each night during that time. The up hurt. It was a good challenge, but I just felt woefully out of shape and tired. The down was good, and I finished the four mile out and back in 1:28 minutes.

Today, again, less than 6 hours of sleep two nights in a row, long business trip, yadda yadda, oh and those B12 shots... It felt about the same effort level to me, at least I didn't feel quite as exhausted at each hill climb, but it was a tough up, and a fun/tough down like normal, except it only took me 1:16!!! 12 freaking minutes off a 4 mile hike/run?? WOO HOOO!!! Lady Tiara is shaking in her slippers right now, since we made a bet over best PR in the Summer Series races.

Now of course hiking/trail running is a LOT different from road races, and since I was oxygen deprived, the climbing was really the hardest thing for me - the muscles are being asked to move mountains, without air. However, I was absolutely shocked to see the 12 minute differential, and it definitely put the icing on the cake for the weekend for me!

This week's trail tip - Make friends with the hills. I've been consciously saying this to myself at each hill that I traverse "make friends with the hill. Little baby steps on the way up, so the hill doesn't even know that you are there, and then big bounding steps down, so that you can run away quick!" It does seem to take some of the effort out. I think our natural reaction is to try to push up the hill (which is exhausting) and then are afraid to charge the dowhill and lengthen our strides. This is going to be my main focus for a while.

Pernicious Anemia

2009-05-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

So after whining, and complaining, and worrying, and more complaining, I finally decided to go in and talk to Dr. Lenny about how I've been feeling lately (which as we don't need to be reminded was somewhere between a smelly pile of wafting poo, and the leftover scraps of a person who was hit by a bus). I went, I brought my training log, my travel log, my food log, and reviewed 8 years of medical history. Since all of my symptoms are.... nebulous... I wanted to give as clear a picture as I could, in case it was something little that I could do.

The absolute best part of going to the doctor was having Dr. Lenny instantly believe me that "something is wrong". He didn't scoff, and tell me that I'm lying about my mileage, or how much I'm working out, or what I'm eating (he saw the M&M's clearly listed on my food log). He calculated out that I AVERAGED 75 minutes of cardio 6 days a week every week for 2008. He also said immediately that something WAS off, and that he'd work with me as long as it took to find the solution.

Step 1 was to do a barrage of bloodwork on absolutely everything that they could test. If that showed nothing, we'd debate the value of going off BC for long enough that I could get additional hormone level work done. From there, we'd continue looking if we needed to.

Step 1 included thyroid tests, blood glucose levels, cholesterol, iron, b12, calcium, STD's, blood cell counts... basically every test that was not a test of estrogen levels, since we couldn't do that one.

The good news is that we found only one obvious discrepancy. I have NO B12 in my system- this is nearly impossible because B12 is in basically everything that I eat. In fact, my food log shows that I'm well over my daily intake requirements of B12. However, I have none. How does this happen? Basically, my body has stopped being able to metabolize/absorb the B12 into my body. This can happen for a variety of reasons, though the most likely is because of my underlying estrogen level issues. The inability to absorb B12 is called Pernicious Anemia (and yes I almost had a heart attack when my doctor gave me this name - for those of you who don't know, the simple definition of pernicious is death. Aparently the clinical definition is the death of an organ or bodily function).

B12 is what helps you put oxygen into your red blood cells and then take that oxygen to your organs and muscles. A lack of B12 can cause - fatigue, complete exhaustion, tingling in hands and feet, low blood pressure, low body temperature, basically absolutely every symptom I've been feeling. Unlike regular anemia, my iron levels are just fine, but the symptoms are very similar. Luckily, there's a very very easy solution - I need to go on a B12 shot regimen (the pills don't work, because they still require me to metabolize, which I cannot do). That's it. The shot location doesn't even hurt afterwards - and I should know, I had to get four of them yesterday to get myself back up to normal levels. I could feel the tiredness melt away as each shot was administered. It was like getting 12 hours of sleep in 10 minutes.

It was amazing that as soon as we knew what was wrong, all of the puzzle pieces fit perfectly into a picture, when just days before they were a big jumble that made no sense to anyone. My doc said that I had basically been living in an oxygen deprived world for years - and equated it to trying to climb Mt. Everest every single day. He even mentioned that the fact that airplans have less oxygen than the outside was part of why I was absolutely slayed by my travel. He was frankly stunned that I was training with the condition, and said that he had his money on a SERIOUS PR this summer, once my body got used to actually having oxygen and blood again.

I did go for a run this morning, and athough I didn't miraculously become a 5 minute miler, I was able to run the same time that I had run for this path after two weeks of extra sleep and no travel. Considering that I had a 22 hour day the day before yesterday, and crossed the country twice in four days (never mind not getting the standard weekend relax time that I generally NEED to keep going) I felt really good out there. In fact, I did notice a couple of body reactions that were interesting. One, my face did not get nearly as red as normal, and it calmed down by the time I got out of the shower, not 2+ hours later. I felt like I was sweating more, but working less hard. Also, the weirdest thing - about halfway through the run, I could feel the blood pumping in my fingers, almost like I had slammed them in the door, and realized that I hadn't felt my fingers when running for a long time. It was sort of weird, but still felt remarkable at the same time.

This is the acknowledgement section of my post. I want to thank a lot of people who in one way or another inspired me to go to the doctor armed and ready, and hope that they would be willing to listen - some who know me, and some who don't know me at all.

Lilac - who has been telling me for over a year that I need to go to the doctor because I know that something is off - and her mom Larue, who mentioned that she was concerned about it back in 2004 when I was completely oblivious.

Iron "Geek Girl" Misty - who writes the blog The Athena Diaries. She is also a plus sized athlete who suffers from several of the same symptoms (different condition), and has been very forthcoming in writing about her medical struggles and her relief in actually identifying the problem. She was the one who finally convinced me to go to the doc, even though she has no idea that she did it.

Lady Tiara - Has continued to be positive, and supportive of my efforts, small or herculean, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that blast of fresh positive air when she puts a comment on my blog.

My Mom and Dad have both been very pushy about my health lately, mainly because they were struggling with the most stubborn person on earth, but the fact that they both still care enough to tell me to go to the doctor means a lot.

Momo - Has been struggling with an injury, and although not a health related issue, it's reminded me that I HAVE the power to attempt to figure out what is wrong with me, and the opportunity to make myself feel better. I know she'd kill for an opportunity to feel better right now, so I took that and used it as inspiration for me! It worked.

Drums, my bro, has listened to every single variation of conversation that I wanted to have and did have with my doc, and he has continued to be suportive, even though I've talked of nothing else for the last two weeks.

Here's hoping it will continue to help!

Race Report: Girls on the Run 5K 5/02/09

2009-05-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like I just wrote a race report... after not doing any spring races, the summer season has begun!

Pre-race: This race was previously called the Wondergirl (see race report from May 2008). It is the culmination of all practices and training for the girls in the spring GOTR program. I ran this race last year as a running buddy, and fell so in love with the program that I started coaching, and became a part of the Operations Committee in the fall. I also ran for the program for the PF Chang's 1/2, although the program name has changed.

This year, due to travel requirements, I have not been able to coach. However, not coaching made me eligible as a running buddy again! Since I was familiar with several of the returnees from Manitas, I fished around and offered to run as "Maire's" running buddy. We share the same middle name, Maire, which is the gaelic version of Mary, and sounds more like Marie. This girl reminds me so much of myself - she's not a natural athlete, she's a huge bookworm, she's way beyond the other girls in her class as far as interests and the things that she "gets". In fact, she frequently made comments during discussions at practice that just floored me - a very wise girl. Which means she's also vastly awkward and not at all popular. I can foresee that the teen years will not be easy for her, but if she can get through it, she'll be an amazing young woman.

OK sorry... the race...

So I got there, signed in, and went and found Manitas. It was great to see the girls and parents all excited for the race. I also got to see Lady Tiara, which was great, and one of the coaches from Crockett that I heart. It was very mellow but exciting. Maire brought me a bright pink feather boa to run in (which by the way, was pretty hot to run in, and the feathers stuck to my lip gloss) but we had GREAT flare and were ready to roll!

Race: Maire is one of the few participants who understands the concept of pacing. She actually asked to go to the back of the starting line (most girls are pushing to be the first one under the balloon arches) so that we would have more room and wouldn't get pushed around - sure, I always start at the back! Her mom had actually signed up originally to run with her, but due to some confidence issues, she was afraid she'd keep Maire back. She did want to make the point that you follow through on what you start, so she was racing anyway, though she expected to be far behind us. We started out after the gun, and we were off!

Maire was in charge of our starts and stops, and ran/walked consistently throughout the course. She had a good steady solid pace that she kept up for fair distances throughout the race. Each time she stopped to walk, we agreed that she had to say something positive. This was to ensure that she didn't think of walking as a bad thing. Her positive affirmations ranged from "The breeze is nice" to "those are pretty hibiscus flowers" (yes she actually said hibiscus) "I'm feeling really good" to "I like donuts". Whatever works. The surprise was that her mom kept up with us the whole way! Maire learned to make friends with the hills, and to push through her running to her goal locations, be it the water bubbler or the boat ramp.

It was a two lap course, and I have to say that from a personal perspective that even though we were not pushing my pace, it felt a lot shorter than it has in the past, even though I haven't really been running longer than 2.5 - 4 miles at a time lately.

At 52 minutes into the race, the feathered up ladies crossed the finish line. Maire felt awesome finishing her "6th" 5k (she's done four in practice in two seasons). It was great to experience, and both mom and daughter were an inspiration. The best part was that the mom was saying before the race that she was planning on doing the race and then throwing out her asthma inhaler, because she was never running again. By the end of the race, she was talking about taking the whole family to the ARR Summer Series races at Papago and Kiwanis this summer.

Overall it was a great day. I love being able to share in the excitement as all of the girls told me how great they did, and how proud they were. It was definitely worth the packed travel day to start at the race. I needed that pick-me-up that I could put in my pocket, and take out this week and enjoy!

Homework Assignment!

2009-04-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

In preparation for my first trail ride, my mentor, Joanie, gave me a bicycle riding homework assignment. She was kind enough to mention that I should practice on the grass (see field to the right - also noticethe long pants in the event that I fell).

Those of you who know me know that I take things like homework very seriously. I was the only kid who would do my homework twice each night to make sure that I not only had all of the right answers, but that my penmanship looked perfect.

I invited my brother over to "play bikes" like when we were little kids, and to be my adjudicator and assesor for my homework assignment. My brother road a fixed bike in Boston, so he's very good with bike tricks, though he's never offroaded. Still he was a great judge. As Joanie said, "I'd rather run with the bulls in Pamplona than ride a fixy in Boston!"

Here's my assignment and assessment:

Prelim assessment - pre homework that my brother required:
- I need to be able to get on my bike with one foot and ride it comfortably before swinging my leg over. I cannot tell you how much time I spent looking at my foot and the peddle and saying "no, I can't even imagine it". I've seen people do this for entire parking lots. Currently I can do it for about two inches, but it's progress. At least now I feel comfortable with my extended hand being on the handlebar and not the seat. I plan on practicing this for 10 minutes before every ride.
- I also need to practice standing up on my bike to start, move, go uphills, and downhills (is there anything else?) I did feel more comfortable with this by the end of my first homework practice.

For the actual homework my brother gave me these grades -he's much more generous than I am, counting level of effort and improvement, where I look at current level vs. the elites. :)

Figure 8's - B+
I used a basketball court by my house, and did my figure 8's around the free throw circles and the middle of the court as my pivot point. I tried to do them completely standing up. Need to improve speed, and get deeper in turn, but overall I could do it with a fair amount of control. Really confidence is the key for me in all of these, but especially this one.

No Hands - A
They say you never forget how to ride a bike - I could disagree with that, but I guess you really don't forget how to ride no hands - this one was a piece of cake. I rode my entire street no hands (it's like .2 miles, but it's better than the 2 inches riding on one pedal) and made sure to move my arms in different positions, no issues. I love riding no hands!

Water Bottle Pick-up - N/A (F)
For this trick, I was supposed to be able to bend down while riding, and pick up a water bottle from the ground. I even cheated and used really tall water bottles. No dice. I wasn't able to do it, nor was my brother, although he tried this funky trick where he went one pedal, and then used the wrong foot on one pedal, squatted down, all while the bike was coasting by the way, but he still couldn't get the water bottle. It was like a walk-the-duck ice skating move on a moving bike. However, when I asked Joanie for clarification, she said that she had only ever done it on a road bike, and to skip this one since mountain bikes are a little bit taller.

Stick Wheelies - C
Score One for the HOA, I couldn't find a stick anywhere at the park in my neighborhood. My brother grabbed a boulder, but I baulked, so we used an "imaginary" stick. This was not a natural trick for me (and I'm not even mentioning that I actually read a "how to do a wheelie" article on line to prep for this - I take my homework seriously!) I tried to move my body forward, and then rock back and pull, no such luck. After a while, I'm certain that my brother was lying that I was getting off the ground because he wanted to go swimming (it was hot), but I wanted to get at least one good one before turning in. At one point he told me to try a bunny hop, which actually somehow produced a fairly good front wheelie on the first try (at least 3 inches, which would have gotten over the imaginary stick). Needs some serious work, and we'll have to figure something else out when I really need to do a bunny hop, but for now I have a plan of action.

Overall: I did better than I expected, but there's still plenty of room for growth. Starting at the bottom is always a lot of fun because you get to see huge improvements in the beginning - like wow, I can get on my bike without looking like a tard now! And best of all - I didn't fall down one time, which means I also didn't break anything. I did bail a couple of times, but I think that's par for the course. How else can you learn your boundaries?

I can't wait to get back out there and do more practice!

The Next Chapter...

2009-04-25T11:29:00.001-07:00

This is an old picture, but it's one of my favorites. It's Lilac and I at South Mountain, having bombed down the last hill. It was one of those rare perfect days where the weather was great and we were both feeling awesome. It was actually not at the Moon Valley Grasshopper Bridge race, we just happened to be wearing the same t-shirt- which happens much more frequently than it should considering that we have about 30 race t-shirts in our rotation.

Of all of the things that we do together, South Mountain is one of my favorites. Whether we're walking leisurely, hiking hard, shuffling along in a run, sweating bullets in the heat, or standing at the outcrops looking at the gorgeous panaramas, it is a place that just feels good and uplifting. I've been running there for 5 or 6 years now, and it's always a challenge that makes me feel good afterward.

Today, I ran it by myself, and I challenged myself to run about 3 miles of the 4 mile loop I do there. For the record it's about 400 feet in elevation change up to the top. I got close and I worked my butt off. I sang out loud to my iPod to remind myself to stop holding my breath, and got some giggles out of other people hiking by me. It was another beautiful AZ morning. We've been so lucky this spring.

So why am I telling you this?

With all of the traveling I've bee doing, and the recent down turn in health again (if they could ever figure out what is wrong with me) I'm feeling exhausted pretty much all the time. You all know I haven't been training consistently since the 1/2 marathon. It's funny how whatever it is that's wrong works. If I'm not traveling, I can focus on my sleep schedule and my workout schedule and do amazing things (for me) like the half marathon. I can challenge myself and most of the time I feel ok. However, as soon as I start traveling, it messes up the amount of sleep that I get, and the wheels come off immediately. It takes so long to get them back on. I have been home for a full week, and I can NOT get my ass out of bed before 6am without starting to get sick feeling. It's the kind of tired that you can feel in your upper back and shoulders. I'm getting 11+ hours of sleep at night, and if it were any less, I wouldn't be able to function.

So what do I do? I know that the next two months are going to be non-stop travel. I know that I need my sleep to get through it. I also know that I'm putting weight back on at an alarming rate. I need to work out, but I just can't put two hours in every day.

I've decided that I'm going to train for an XTerra offroad triathlon. How does this make sense? I'll tell you.
1. It allows me to enjoy the activities I'm doing when I have the time to do them (read the South Mountain description above)
2. I can continue to ride my mountain bike, and not worry about the looming need for a road bike that I just know I'm going to hate.
3. Because it's a sprint distance, it allows me to get in some extra "short" workouts and not feel like I'm dropping the ball while training for a longer event.
4. It's more of a challenge physically, so even though some of my workouts will be shorter, they will be more intense.
5. It continues my goals to get outside more and do hill work.
6. It will allow me to stay sane and focused and not disgruntled about long training sessions that I just don't have time for right now.

There's one problem. I don't know how to ride my mountain bike on anything other than the pancake flat canals. However, Landis is offering a *free* mentor program, and I've been matched up with a hard core X-Terra girl - "Joanie". She has agreed to take me out on some baby rides, and teach me some of the technique to mountain bike riding.

I have to admit, it's the first time I've been excited about training since 1/2 was over.

So here's what I'm looking at. There's a PBR (Pabst(sp?) Blue Ribbon, not Professional Bull Riders like I thought) race at Papago in October. It's going to be my test race. That gives me 6 months to make myself and offroader. It will be the indicator for whether or not I'll be ready to do the XTerra Offroad Tri in Del Valle, CA next May. I think a year should be adequate to focus on, and challenge myself with a new skill.

What about my existing goals you ask?

If you recall at the beginning of January, I had 6 goals for 2009. They were:
1. Stay Healthy
2. Complete a 1/2 marathon (Check!)
3. Push hard at Tri for the Cure (mmmm, well I went...and pushed hard having done no training)
4. Take one for the team at Club Championships (I forgot Autam's wedding is the night before...)
5. Do all the Summer Series Races
6. Complete and olympic distance tri- Nathan's.

#1 is the key here. It said "This supersedes all other goals listed here. If I do nothing but Goal #1, it will be a successful year."

So I'm taking that, and modifying the list. The new list is:
1. Stay healthy
2. Complete a 1/2 marathon (check!)
3. Prove that a sprint is well within my abilities (check!)
4. Do a splash and dash this summer (I'll talk about this another day)
5. Do all the Summer Series Races
6. Do an offroad triathlon - PBR
Optional: Complete an olympic distance tri - I'm not taking it off yet. If I feel like the distances are manageable, I will go for it, but it's no longer the prize at the end of my race season.

*The first lesson in trail running is a short memory, and looking only one foot in front of you. If you try to take in the whole mountain, it kills your concentration.

I'm looking forward to training for it and chronicaling it!

Race Report: Tri for the Cure 2009

2009-04-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Pre-Pre-Race: So with all the travel I've been doing, I've been getting a lot of reading in, if not a lot of working out. I'm almost finished with the book Mindset, which is written by a woman who has spent her entire career in Psychology studying the effects of failure on people in society. What she's found is that there are two different mindsets - the fixed mindset, and the growth mindset. If you're reading my blog, I'm sure you know by now that my time sensitive, ultra planning, super efficient, perfectionist self - well I am the definition of a fixed mindset. I am what I do, not WHO I AM!

I've read people with the growth mindset - people who take (enjoy?) set backs and use them as challenges and opportunities for growth, and it's always inspired me, but I can't keep with it, because damnit, I wouldn't be perfect then. You can say this book has been a game changer for me, and you would be right.

So, with that said, I went into this race woefully unprepared, untrained, having done zero swimming, little running, and even less biking. Was I terrified? No. Nervous? No, I can't say that I was. I said "What the hell? I paid $100 for this race, at least I can have a good time, right? We're curing cancer here!" So that's what I did. Shockingly I had a way better time than normal!

Pre-Race: The race was at Chandler High, which was oh- less than 10 minutes away. I think I'm in love with this race solely because it's so close to my house. :) We had to get into and out of transition before 6am. I showed up at 5:15, AFTER Lilac, which shows you that I wasn't worried about the time. In fact, I set my alarm for 5am, so I just got up and got in the car.

We set up, and because our race didn't start until 9:13am, we went home, and went back to bed. Literally. Lilac jumped into the princess' bed, and started sawing wood, and I decided that was a good idea, and followed along.

We got back up at 8, and were feeling incredibly unnervous. We got dressed, checked our stuff, and left for the race. We parked across the street, and went to see the sights. We snuck into transition to put our clothes in our bags, and checked out people who were already racing. This is such a fun event because it's all women, all for a good cause, and frankly not a lot of "athletes". I felt entirely comfortable walking around in my bathing suit and swim cap. So did every other lady out there. It was a rare day that was judgement free. We all need a day like that to celebrate being women.

So, about 5 minutes before the race, Lilac and I got into queue, and started putting on our swim caps. We actually both put our caps on with our nose plugs in our hair. We took them off, found our plugs, and started over. Mine was not staying on my nose, but I kept messing with it. The funny thing was that I was so intent on getting my nose piece on, that I didn't even really care that we were quickly moving up in line. Before I knew it, Lilac was shoving off the wall, and I was 15 seconds behind her.

*Note, Tri for the Cure start times go by age. In order for us to race together, Lilac had to be aged up a couple of years. The people running the race knew what happened and didn't seem to care. Neither do I. This race is about being together.

Swim: Again, I've done no swimming. The pool was the perfect temperature, and incredibly clean. It was a good 50 meter pool, and we were to swim 8 snake laps, meaning that we hit the wall, went under the buoys, and swam up to the other end of the pool where we'd hit the wall swim under the buoys. It was a 400 meter swim. As part of my new growth mindset I decided that it wasn't necessary to pass Lilac, just to show that I could. This was about us doing this together, so I had a very leisurely swim. I lost my nose plug in the water about halfway through, and wasn't worried about it all. I just plunged back in. When I caught up with Lilac, I decided to do a nice easy breaststroke, because it was slow enough that it didn't make her feel like I was all over her feet. As always the first 200 stink mentally, and then you get in the groove.

12:13, which is at least a minute slower than last year, and I couldn't have cared less. It was 29th of 44 25-29 year olds, and 25th of 43 in the Athena division.

T1: We trotted all the way to our bikes, which were as far away from the pool as you could be - they were assigned spots. However, the ladies around us had been very nice, and all of our stuff was laid out perfectly, as it had been at 6am. Bra, shirt, skirt, socks, sneakers, sunglasses, helmet, (moisturizer, deodorant, those little gummies, and a bit of water) and we were off! Transitions were untimed in this race - yeah!

Bike: The bike was 8 miles, two loops of the city block from AZ Ave to Chandler Blvd, to Alma School Rd, to Ray Rd, back to AZ Ave. Alma School was a beast with the wind pounding down, and likewise AZ Ave was like rolling downhill - it was quite fun. Aparently my brother drove by during one of our loops - he noticed the running skirts - but smartly decided not to honk, and prevent the freak out, spin out incident. The cops were cheering us on, there were plenty of ladies that passed us, and again, I passed no one, but eventually I'm going to figure out the secret to biking. Until then, I'll just keep cheering people on, and enjoying being out in a beautiful day!

45:38, 41 out of 44 age group, 37 out of 43 Athena. So hey at least three other people (including Lilac) don't know the secret.

T2: off with the bike, off with the helmet, more gummies, more water, feeling good!

Run: The run was a great course. One mini-block traversed twice, small enough that we could easily see each corner. Then you get into the stadium at Chandler High, run around the track and finish off with a bang. I'll admit that the travel weariness/lack of fitness caught up with me a bit here, but I hardly noticed, because we were having so much fun! The volunteers were rocking, we were dancing to the music in the stadium - the Dirty Dancing song was great, if you had seen us doing the mashed potato and the twist while we were running. Great times! At the end, they announced us, we crossed the finish hand in hand again, and got some great pink ribboned medals, and best of all the coldest water I've ever consumed. It was perfect for a 95 degree day.

27:08, 39/44 age group, 33/43 Athena. Go me!

Overall: 39th of 44 age group, 34th of 43 Athena, with a total time of 1:24:59. I enjoyed every minute!

Home Sweet Home!!

2009-04-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a roller-coaster couple of weeks, and I feel like I need a post just to remind myself of all that has happened. So on Tuesday March 10th, I was in Albuquerque, NM for a tech support F2F. Jason was hunting for homes, as he has been doing for the last few months while we waited on the longest "short"sale of all time. He found the most beautiful home, but it was listed for more than we wanted to spend. He tried to talk himself out of putting an offer in, and eventually asked me to go look at the house when I got home on Wednesday the 11th. I went to the house straight from the airport. I loved it. We said what the hell, we'll offer what we're willing to pay, and who knows, sometimes you get lucky. We submitted the offer on the 12th, and to our intense surprise it was accepted by the owner (another real estate agent) on the 13th, and the bank first thing Monday on the 16th. I was in Chicago at this point, but it was sure exciting. Aparently the other offers had been higher, but the bank approved letter for required price was just below what we had offered, and it expired at the end of March - no one else could close quickly enough for the approval letter to still be active. We were now in escrow So I'm in Chicago for the week, frantically writing down lists of everything that needs to be done - all the addresses that need to be changed, the updates to our utilities, rental trucks, cleaning crews, landscapers, the whole shebang. We actually get the inspector to come on Monday the 16th, and he gives it a very good bill of health, with just a few minor issues - AC needs servicing, there's an electrical outage in the 3rd bedroom, and one of the outside faucets had a small drip. I get home from Chicago on Thursday the 19th to find that the entire house has been packed. I have exactly three work outfits laid out for the following week, and peanut butter and almonds in the cabinet - which is really good for those mono-unsaturated fats, but where the hell are the pretzel fishies?! That's about it. Everything has not only been packed, but staged in the garage for a quick move. That weekend we get our new appliances, and some other shopping done. Monday the 23rd, my boss is in town, and we're doing another pilot - this time in Chandler - which means I'm once again unavailable for house stuff. Tuesday we close. Wednesday we get the keys, Thursday "we" (being J and my brother) move. Friday and Saturday we un-pack. Sunday we rest. Count the days... we were in escrow for a total of 10 days. 5 of those days I was gone. The details on the house? 2970 sq. ft. on a very nice sized corner lot. 4 bed, 2 1/2 bath. Pebbletech pool, outdoor fireplace and built in grill, courtyard, office for me, lush tropical vegetation, and upgraded tile, granite counters, crown molding, and plantation shutters. And we stole it. Does it get better? I feel like I'm staying at a nice hotel. The best news of the whole thing is that one of the bedrooms is pink and purple, just like Sydni wanted, and she's going to come out in July to spend a week with us. Yay!

Feeling Alive

2009-03-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day that I actually felt good working out. I biked on the stationary for an hour, and finally felt like my fourth and fifth gears are back. When I finished, I walked back down to the lockerroom to grab my stuff, and I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and ability. I am healthy, and lucky to be able to go to such a great gym whenever I want.

I walked outside, and it was absolutely beautiful out. Windows down weather for sure. Blue skies, flowers out, gorgeous breeze. I felt so alive and glad that I live in a city that lets me feel that way six+ months out of the year - as opposed to 6 days, if some are lucky.

We found a beautiful home, put an offer in, and are going to close on Tuesday. We have a 10 day escrow period, because some of the short sale paperwork was going to expire, and I've been out of town for 5 of them, so it's been just a little frantic. Still - with all of the people in this country losing their jobs, struggling, losing their homes, the things they've worked so hard for - I'm extremely lucky to be able to buy a gorgeous home way under price, at a very low interest rate, in a neighborhood way above where I expected to be. I'm lucky that I can pay for all of my new appliances with cash, that the government is giving us our down payment back to stimulate the economy.

I'm lucky that I'm so in love and so aligned with J, and that we have the same path ahead of us.

I'm feeling absolutely alive, lucky beyond belief, and truly happy.

Hill Heaven

2009-03-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm certain that at some point in the hot Phoenix summer, I'll be posting a "Hill Hell" blog. But not today!

Sunday, Lilac and I (ok I) decided to go exploring at South Mountain. Our (my) goal was to find a good long decent hill that was neither too rocky, nor too sandy that we could use for our summer hill work. We explored different trails and found lots of washes that were really rocky - just spells disaster - or were short, but none that were Goldilocks 'just right'. Then we went back to our staple National trail, and decided to use a section that is rolling hills, and finish it with short but intense hill.

It was an absolutely beautiful day. Just slightly chilly, so that it felt perfect when we were running. It was green, we saw a coyote, it was just a beautiful day. The best part was that I felt good doing 'sprints' in th hills. It was the first day since I've been sick that my lungs didn't completely collapse on me. My knee hurts today, but I think it just needs to get used to running the trails again, versus hiking them. My initial early season version II times? 2:27 through the rolling hill section, 0:46 for the longer portion of the last hill, and 0:11 for the short part of the last hill. We'll see how that improves.

I think that after training for the half, I need to change my focus a little. Now I know I can go somewhat long, and I can build on that, but I want to work on my explosiveness and speed - primarily because with all this travel, I will probably be doing more short workouts. Might as well make the most of them, right?

I feel confident that the short stuff will help me with my Summer Series goals, give me some incentive to push through this funk, and keep me from dwelling/dreading? the training for an Olympic Tri at the end of the season. I don't have to think about September right now. I just have to think about short effective workouts and I can take a mental break from 3 hours on the treadmill.

We'll see how it goes. Did anyone notice that I actually am trying something new, without being forced into it? It could become a habit! (Yeah right)

Itching...

2009-03-07T08:03:00.000-08:00

First - Thanks Lady Tiara, for your positive post to my last message. I can't tell you how much that helped me work through my funk. It's still a work in progress, but I read several blogs this week that reiterated that I need to take care of myself, focus on the long term goals, and have faith in the process.

Gotta love a good 4.13 mile week. Sheesh. It wasn't so long ago that 4.13 was just my warmup hour. And it felt easy. And I enjoyed it. I guess at least now I know it's possible to feel that way, and I can get there again. I went for a beautiful and easy bike ride last Saturday - the weather is absolutely perfect right now - took Sunday off, swam Monday (more seasickness), tried to run Tuesday afternoon but gave up after my stomach revolted, took Wednesday off (which was the plan all along, to slowly get back to active) biked Thursday, and took Friday off. I just got back from a short two loop run around the bike park.

The interesting thing is that both my Thursday bike and this morning's run were not far off my previous fitness according to my graphs. The problem is that they felt like herculean efforts. I just feel like there's no energy in my legs - I think a single line of lunges would be the death of me right now - and my lungs are seriously "scarred" from this cold. I haven't felt my lungs like this since I was a wheezy out of shape kid trying to do the mile in gym class. I guess it's a good reminder that they are there, and maybe I've been taking them for granted.

As always, the hardest part of balancing multi-sport with life for me is adjusting my expectations. Tri for the Cure is 43 days away, and I went from wanting to really push hard and PRing to not feeling confident that I will actually be able to finish it. Notice there's no countdown clock up for it. I think it would push me over the edge. Sounds stupid, I know, but I've really lost that much fitness in the last few weeks. It certainly doesn't help that I'll be traveling for the next 3 or 4 weeks. I acknowledge that I feel that fear right now, but I have to take care of myself, focus on the long term goals, and have faith in the process.

Taking Care of Myself
Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe forcing me to start my season slow will let me build to a successful olympic distance race at the end of the year. Maybe by traveling and taking more rest time, and doing some shorter workouts I'll actually wind up with a better healthy base for when I want to kick it up later in the season. Maybe doing some shorter work will give me the incentive to continue working out outside, fit some hill work in, and make me feel like I CAN workout when I'm traveling, because I'm only expecting 45 minutes or so from myself. Maybe that's not so bad. Maybe I'll look back at this time of frustration and think that it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Maybe I'll get over getting pissed every time Lilacs tells me I need to rest and take care of myself, and reminds me that I promised I would listen to my body.

Focus on Long Term Goals
Ice Cube - You Can Do It, Put Your Back Into It - yes I actually still listen to this song. It's a great warmup song. There's always one line that reminds me of my REAL goals - ...training like an athlete, life ain't a track meet, it's a marathon... well damnit, don't I keep writing and telling myself that I want to be healthy for the long term. Yes I do. I know you're sick of hearing about it. So why can't I remember that when I'm pissed that I'm hacking up a lung 5 minutes into a run, or that I'm sitting at 85 rpm on the bike at level 5, and I just can't get my legs to move faster? Pespective. I need some.

It's spring. The weather is perfect, and will be for another week or so. I want to feel GOOD when I'm working out so that I can enjoy it! All summer I'll be thinking about how nice the weather was... except I won't remember any great moments, because I'll just remember dying trying to run for 5 minutes at a time. Races are starting, and I'm itching to get into shape so that I can start racing. I feel like I'm way behind my expectations of where I should be right now, and I'm struggling with - you guessed it - adjusting my expectations. I will get there. I know I will. I'll die before I'll DNF at Tri for the Cure. If I can get run off the road by a car on the way to Chances, and finish that race with a two knee caps on one torn up leg, then I can finish Tri for the Cure just being out of shape. Is it what I wanted? No. Will it be just as great of an experience for me, because I'm coming back from illness? Especially with those cute new princess skirts from runningskirts.com? Yes. Maybe even more so, because it's another year that I've continued to attempt to be healthy.

Have Faith in the Process
Anyone who knows me, or read about the "alleged" ping pong paddle incident knows that I'm not at all religious. So I'm not talking about Faith that God will lead me on the path to greatness and a gold medal at the Olympics. My faith is more about trusting myself. Trust is not a natural tendency of mine, and even trusting myself can be hard. Yes, I have read thousands of articles about training, and I have found a way to train that mostly keeps me injury and illness free. But what if it's not right? What if it's not enough? What if I can't prepare enough to do an Olympic distance tri this year? What if I start riding my mountain bike on places other than the canal and I break my arm and I'm out for months? What if I become a total bum with all of this travel? What if I can't balance it all and I get sick again? Sadly each of these things has crossed my mind. I need to learn to trust myself, and my body, and be willing to adjust my short term goals to maintain my long term goals. I can do this. I can have faith in the process.

Random notes:
- Did some shopping, and felt good with everything that I put on, so that's always a subtle bonus.
- Word from the bank this week is that they are not even going to LOOK at our offer for another 60 - 90 days. I guess it just gives us more time to save and plan. Nothing wrong with that.
- I'll be in lovely Albuquerque this week for work.

Thanks for listening. I'm getting my head wrapped around my frustration and itchiness to get where I need to go.

Facing the Facts

2009-02-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long delay, but I've been very very sick for the last two weeks or so. I had a sore throat for about two weeks, lost my voice entirely for 3 days, and took another 3 or 4 days to get something froggy back to "my" voice. I had a high fever for nearly a week - and was delirious to the point where I was trying to convince J to turn the heat on in the house because I could see the steam raising off my arms, and feel the steam raising under the blankets. I probably don't need to tell you that it was 75 degrees in the house, and there was no steam - though I clearly remember seeing it. I also woke up in the middle of the night after my first out of body experience - which I don't actually remember the out of body part, I just remember God slamming my soul back into my body with a ping pong paddle. None to gently, I might add. I'm fairly certain he's not a fan of mine. By the way, this story got out at my doctor's office, and was the big talk at the water cooler - the girl who's soul got slammed into her body with a ping pong paddle by God. Good stuff.

I'm sure my blog posts would have been very interesting during this sick period, but I decided to spare you the delusional talk. I haven't been to the gym since February 10th. I feel like a complete bum, and yet at the same time I still do not feel particularly well. This is part of a larger problem for me, so I'm going to pound it out here, and Maybe I'll have a better idea of what to do.

I've alluded to the fact that I'm not a particularly healthy person anymore. I did it to myself after I dieted excessively. I lifted and did cardio and didn't eat for about 6 months to the point of complete exhaustion and a severe case of mono that I've never really recovered from. I slept for 8 straight solid weeks - and I mean 23+ hours a day every day for 8 weeks. When I woke up after 8 weeks, the big challenge was to try to talk to the mailbox and back and taking less than a 3 hour recovery nap. It was bad.

When I started running, I immediately put the same intense (insane?) workout mentality towards my workouts - and immediately got sick, followed by injured, followed by sick, injured, sick, injured, etc. To this day, my 5K PR is from the Summer Series Race where I had a stress fracture in my leg, and ran the whole way. Some would call it determined, some would call it idiocy. I'm not sure which one I call it.

Once I finally admitted defeat to the stress fracture, I read "The Courage to Start" by John "the Pengiun" Bingham, and it really helped me reshape my attitude with regards to training. I should ENJOY what I'm doing - wow, novel concept. I should work towards goals for me, not based on what someone else can do. I should never ever ever ever ever do something today that is going to keep me from running tomorrow. These are the things that stuck with me.

AS I mentioned, 2008 was a real success for me. Although I made mistakes with my training (not running outside in the heat, not enough hill work, etc) I did not over-train, and I had an injury-free and healthy year, which I'm very proud of. I even trained for the 1/2, and had no injuries or issues - minus the nueroma in my toe, which is really not something that I did "wrong"- it's just the shape of my foot.

2009 has started out a completely different story.

I started with the taper for Chang's. I knew that my body needed recovery, but it just felt like a bad way to start out the year, you know? Everyone and their mom is starting healthy habits, and I'm actually stopping my healthy habits. Just seemed somehow wrong. If you asked me I would tell you that it was necessary, but deep down, I didn't like it.

I did the race. It was great! I couldn't have asked anything more of myself, and I'm super proud of it. I walked like John Wayne for the rest of the day, but after a massage I actually felt really well. The next day I went to NJ. I allotted 10 days for recovery, but I felt so well that after 7 I decided to start my Tri season. I went one day, and I got sick. Surprised? I actually was. I'm a moron.

Was it the fact that I had shocked my body with the 1/2, and should have taken more time off? Was it the sub-zero degree temps in NJ? Was it being in a germ infested center/airplane/airport? I have no idea. I immediately rested, and recovered pretty quickly.

I started Tri training Part 2. I felt REALLY good. Like I was bumping up the treadmill time because it just didn't feel right enough until I was up to 6.0+. This lasted for about 4 days before I went to Seattle, where it was snowy and very Snow Falling on Cedars like. I had plans to run in Seattle (the gym at the Embassy Suites there stinks) on my favorite trail, but we were putting in long days, and I decided not to push myself - especially with the weather thing, and oh by the way, my boss had been in the hospital with the cold he got from NJ, so I didn't want to lower immune tolerance with a run in the cold.

I came home from Seattle on Valentin'es Day and woke up with that same sore throat. I didn't go to the gym, but I did go to the gem and mineral show with my mom, in Tucson. By about noontime, I started feeling sick, then the fever came, and I spent the afternoon in the car. Fever, fever, fever, sore throat, dry hacking bloody cough, loss of voice, dr's appt, TB test negative, command to not speak for 24 hours, loss of voice, sore throat, cough, cough, cough, all of a sudden it's Wednesday of this week. I'm not kidding, that's how it felt.

So now I'm feeling "normal", but at night I'm still coughing up a lung, as well as whenever I try to talk for an extended period of time. But I want to go back to the gym, because Lilac has been working out this whole time without me and I feel like a bum friend. I've also been out of the gym for almost 3 weeks. I feel like I need to get my life back in order. At some point I have to be "over the cold". However, J and Lilac both vociferously protested my attempt to go to the gym on Wednesday (note: J has been sick twice with me during this period and continued to go to the gym the entire time). Their reasoning is that I am just "not healthy" and I need to take more time to recover. Like another week. Another week?! I basically missed the entire month of February. The entire month!!!

The thing is, I don't like people I love telling me that I'm just "not healthy". What do you mean I'm not healthy? I just ran a 1/2 marathon. I ran 22 races last year. I bike, I swim. I'm outdoorsy. Yes, I could eat better, but I'm afraid of eating "healthy" all the time, because I quickly fall into the trap of cutting cutting cutting until there's no calories left to eat! Plus I'm lactose intolerant, so except for the chocolate, I eat fairly well. Even the pretzels are because I am "required" to eat additional salt because of my low blood pressure. I have never smoked, done drugs, and I don't drink. I like M&M's for pete's sake. It's not like I eat more than a handful or two a day! I'm HEALTHY!!!

I feel like saying I'm not "healthy" is the same as saying I'm soft, or I'm overweight, or I'm not dedicated, or I'm a bum.
I'm not soft -I'm tough!
I am overweight, but really skinny only got me incredibly sick for the last... 4 years or so. If I had never tried to be skinny would I be struggling with my health so much now? I'm fairly certain I would not be. I was always robustly healthy.
I'm dedicated - but I'm fearful that with the travel I'm expected to do this year that I won't be able to stay healthy and train consistently.

What is the right answer? What is the question??! Should I have taken more time after the 1/2? Probably, but I really felt fine. Can I just not tell if I feel good? Am I capable of being healthy? Do I have to set my expectations lower? Do I need to take better care of myself?

Maybe this blog didn't help clarify anything for my right now, but maybe I'll be able to look back at it and there will be dawning comprehension. For now I'll just reiterate to myself that my first goal is to be healthy (whatever that means) and my second goal is to be consistent.

First Week Back

2009-02-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

So my official first week back has felt pretty good overall. I wonder now if I should have given myself the full 10 days recovery before I started back up and if that would have prevented me from getting sick, but since I was feeling poorly after just a short swim, I doubt it.

The nice thing about this first week is that it has been mentally manageable, and nothing that ached or hurt or seemed too tough. I need some of that while I build back up. I can conclusively say that my body came off of the 1/2 marathon in great working condition and without any noticeable injuries. For me, that is a huge accomplishment. It's actually more important to me to have remained healthy while training for a challenge than it is to complete the challenge. I KNOW I can finish something - no one can stop my bull-headedness, but can I be Smart? That's a little tougher. I can officially call the 1/2 a success and move on.

Tri for the Cure is my next focus. It's a 400m pool swim, 8 mile bike, and 2.25 mile run - which finishes at the track of Chandler High School, which is pretty interesting. My goal is to push hard on this one - and get in 1:20 or under. (10, 40, 30)

I signed up on Friday, so now I am officially in. I think the swim will be pretty easy - if only because it's 1 by 1, and it's in a pool. It will be the easiest swim of my season, I can say that. I'd really like to work on my speed for the bike a little. I don't think I'm going to be passing a lot of speed racers, especially on my mountain bike, but I would like to get the bike done in under 40 minutes. I think it's possible. Hopefully my new stationary sprint/stand up work will assist with this. The run is the run. I will continue to get outside once a week to run, and hopefully that makes the difference in my race comfort level.

The hardest thing is going to be maintaining my consistency because I see some heavy travel in my future. I need to be able to get some work done wherever I am, as long as it is smart work (like no running with only 4 hours of sleep) and not at the detriment of my health (I'm talking about you swollen legs and feet from flying).

And since I'm home today, I'm going to go run three easy loops of the Bike Park. Happy Weekend!

Sick

2009-02-01T07:23:00.000-08:00

I've been sick since Wednesday. I finally got that cold that everyone's had for the last six months or so. My dad told me he just got over it, and he's had it since Christmas. It's February 1. I blame Cake, who is a person. When she and her hubby Tiger came out, she started talking about this tickle in her throat that she just couldn't get rid of. Since she's 6 mo pregnant, no one really paid any attention to it.

So Wednesday, exactly 10 days after my first 1/2 marathon I started my 2009 Tri training. I had given myself two weeks of recovery, but I really felt completely fine, and I was itching to get in the gym (and I had eaten so many desserts with Cake and Tiger came out - Tiger has a serious sweet tooth - that I was convinced that I was back in the 180's).

Ironically, my first practice was a pool swim. It's been quite awhile since I swam - like almost 2 full months. Don't let me fool you, I was more than a little scared that although I really needed the mental break, that I was going to get in the pool and forget how to swim altogether. Because of this, I had a plan. I was going to start with the Terry Laughlin drills. Backfloat, sweet spot, and sweet spot with my hand out front.

It felt pretty good. There were so many people in the pool that I had to go to the other indoor pool, which was fine, since I was just drilling. The secret is that the other pool is significantly warmer than the lane pool. I know this because halfway through my 30 min swim, everyone left, so I hopped into the lane pool. Regardless, I was pleased overall. It felt good to be in the water. No headaches, and I had actually only put on 2 lbs - which is nothing when you look at what I've been eating the last 10 days. 173 is a fairly good starting point for the season.

Wednesday night, I started feeling a tickle in my throat. Did I think it was Cake's tickle? No, didn't even cross my mind. I thought it was from the chlorine in the pool. Really I thought nothing of it, until J came home and told me he had a tickle in HIS throat. Oh no. J never ever ever gets sick, so when we have the same symptoms it's not good news. Still, I tried to ignore it.

Thursday morning, I was super excited because Lilac finally got her gym membership, and we were meeting to do our first brick workout. So I ignored the fact that my throat was really really sore. We got settled, we did 45 minutes at level 5, with a 30 second sprint/30 second heavy stand up on alternating 5's. I have to tell you, the standing up and peddling is not that easy. I can stand up, but I don't think I've ever tried to do anything but coast while I'm standing. I think it's going to do good things for me though.

We then went to the treadies to do 10 minutes of sprints and cool down. For someone who hasn't run for 10 days, my legs felt pretty weak sauce. 5.2 was a real struggle, and it shouldn't have been. I now know the answer. It was the cold.

After I left the gym, my health rapidly deteriorated. Unending snot. The cough started Friday morning, and it needs to be mentioned here that I had a final interview on Friday morning, so I couldn't take any cold medicine, which leaves me drooling and asleep, even if it's the daytime stuff. I cancelled on Lilac on Day 2. Sheesh. At 10, my 11:00 interview got moved to 3:30, and I started praying that I would make it to the interview.

I got the job! You're reading the blog of the new HQ CS Ops Strategy Manager. Go me! We were so thrilled that we decided to go out to dinner. I got in the shower, and as I was putting on my final touches, I called J and we decided to celebrate when we felt better. :)

Saturday morning, J goes to the gym and goes house shopping. I cancelled my biking date with Lilac and slept. I slept until about 11. Then I took a nap at 2. I did nothing by lay down all day, and I went to bed at 6.

I slept until 7 this morning, and I feel much better. I still see a nap in my future this morning, and I decided to give myself one more day before I go to the gym. It should be noted that J went to the gym again this morning, and he's still coughing up a lung. Meanwhile, he told me I should relax today because I "have a tendency to break down" 1+1=3.

Regardless, once I kick this cold, I'm looking forward to getting back to a regular routine!

Fresh Start

2009-01-27T15:36:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a nice little vacation away from training, I have to admit. I spent last week in NJ, where it was brutally cold, and I had no interest in trying to go running on the ice, and then our friends from Jax came out for the weekend, so I indulged in far too many desserts - Grand Lux cookies, Sprinkles cupcakes, Paradise Bakery cookies, and the delicious pizza cookie from Oregano's... twice! Still, our bodies need some rest, and after about 10 days, and 10 extra lbs, I'm officially ready to start my 2009 Tri Season.

I'll be starting tomorrow with... (drum roll please!) a swim! That's right, it's time to get back into the pool. I am going to start by focusing on the Terry Laughlin drills - mainly to get my feel and lungs back, and then I'm going to start incorporating some of the drills from Lady Tiara's fabulous Swimming bible - which by the way, I will return eventually! This season, I'm going to be focusing on distance, rather than speed - though I plan on maintaining a more well-rounded swim approach this season, and incorporating more drills into my regular workouts. If I'm going to do Nathan's, I'm going to need to be able to swim 1500 straight like it's cake. I'll get there, I'm sure.

I'm excited about focusing on the bike again. Towards the end of last season, I was really peaking - at least for me. Every single ride (stationary or actual) was a personal best. I'd really like to work on my overall speed this season. I'm going to incorporate some fast sprints into my longer workouts (30 seconds every 5 minutes) and mix up both fast spins and heavy heavy gears. I'm positive I can take 30 seconds per mile off my time. I know it. I also want to ride more on my actual bike.

I'm fairly excited to run some shorter distances and see how it feels. I'm going to drop down to 3 miles, and start to re-build from there, but I think my stride is in a much better place. I've said it before, but the key to my success this summer is 1. Train outside at least once a week, and 2. Hills, hills, hills.

I can just feel that it's going to be a good season, and I'm looking forward to it! Next Stop - Tri for the Cure.

Race Report: PF Chang’s Rock n’ Roll ½ Marathon

2009-01-21T05:04:00.000-08:00

Pre-Race: As we all know, I’ve been solely focused on the this race since the November timeframe. That kind of focus can be very good, and it can also be very bad. I believe though, that I had the right amount of focus for this race, I arrived at race weekend prepared and healthy. I couldn’t have asked more of myself than that. I felt ready.

The day before the race: Packet pick-up was on Saturday. Lady Tiara and I decided to take a test ride on the light rail to the Convention Center. I’m starting to realize that I’ve done a lot of “tests” for this race. Oh well, it keeps me sane.

We arrived at the Convention Center at about 9:30am, and I have to say that it was incredibly well organized and well signed. It was also heaven/hell for an impulse shopper like me. However, Coach Jenny had alluded to he need to shop during taper in her book, so I had pre-allocated $100 for shopping purposes. Having that freedom definitely made the expo fun!

We picked up our numbers (42738 – bad luck start, good lucky early on, so so towards the end, and a lucky finish) then got our race t-shirts (loved the design) and headed into the madness. I wound up purchasing a white dri-wick t-shirt for the race (which I elected not to wear at the last second, but I’m going to get tons of use out of it) a great pair of pink racing sunglasses, and finally got my subscription to Women’s Running locked on. With the subscription came a pink “Run Girl” t-shirt that I had wanted all along.

Once we walked around the expo, we went to the panel/speaker section, where we got to hear John “The Penguin” Bingham talk to us about race day and what it really should mean. Everything that he says resonates with me as common sense that I somehow can’t see until he states the fact. The two statements he made that stayed with me on race day were “The race is the celebration of your hard work and training” and “Get your money’s worth – stay on the course for as long as possible and enjoy every moment.”

After I returned from the expo I became temporarily insane as I started prepping for the race. I clearly switched into a nesting-like primal preparation mode. I got dressed as I was planning to the next morning to ensure that I hadn’t missed anything. Then I laid the clothes out carefully in the exact order that I planned to put them on in the morning (compression sock must go on before tights, that must go on before the skirt). I applied my bib to Team Tiara singlet, put my chip on my shoe. I methodically reviewed every item in my gear bag. I re-read every instruction, map, and spectator guide. I reiterated the spectator plan to J and Lilac until they were begging for me to stop. I cleaned out my car.

Thankfully, J took it all in stride and allowed me to be crazy without comment. He made pasta for lunch, knowing that my sensitive stomach would have trouble if I ate it for dinner. He made sure I went to bed at a reasonable hour. On race day morning he was up before I was to make sure that he wasn’t a cause of anxiety for me as I prepared, and panicked. He was incredibly supportive, and reminded me that even with all the hooplah, all I was doing was going for a run, and there was nothing to be afraid of. That stuck with me throughout the race.

Race Day: I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm went off and took it as a sign. I’d slept remarkably well – considering that I had trouble sleeping the night before my 10 mile training run. I was feeling unusually calm. I had breakfast, prepared second breakfast, and grabbed something for Lilac. I got dressed slowly. I finished my book. Lilac arrived, and J drove us to the lightrail, where we were meeting with Lady Tiara. It was fairly brisk – about 38 degrees. Everyone was bundled up. Lady Tiara met us at the station and then we were off!

I was still unusually calm. Everything was running smoothly, we were on time, and I had nothing to freak out about. Lady Tiara on the other hand broke everything she touched. Literally. She broke the zipper on her fanny pack, then broke her hand held water bottle, then the clasp to the fanny pack – and this all happened in a span of about 5 minutes. Meanwhile, the train was full of participants, and the mood was one of quiet anticipation. It was the calm before the storm. The train ride was only 20 minutes, and it was apparent that I was the only one who had researched WHEN we should get off the train, because I was the only one to get up for the stop. However, when everyone else saw my gear bag, they all got up and got out of the train as well.

We had to walk from the train to the starting area – and let the record show that it was just over a mile, so you’ve already got to start adding mileage to my legs. We found the portapotties, and good thig too, because the lines were pretty extensive. They were also already in very rough shape, even though we were very early to the race. There were clearly lots of nervous people, if you get my drift. Poor Lady Tiara was heaving. It took her about 10 minutes to recover from the experience. We dropped my gear bag off at Lucky UPS truck #8 and had a look around.

There was a band playing in the warm-up area singing “Sweet Home Arizona”. For some reason, that was the first tear-up moment for me. I have no idea why. I just went with it. We danced around as we walked around, and found coffee, ate a little something, and then walked over to the corral area.

We got into our corral (#22 – repetitive digits are lucky) with about 5 minutes before the start of the race. Lilac stood with us along the side of the corral until the start – after which she had to walk back to the train station, and took it to the mile 10/11 area, where she would meet us when we arrived about 2 ½ hours later. The race gun went off and….we waited. We waited, and waited and waited. Shockingly I was still incredibly calm. I was getting excited, but it was a mellow excited. We slowly walked (another mile) to the starting line, and after 42 additional minutes of waiting – we were off!

Race: My goal for this race was to run strongly for the first six miles, get through the next four, and survive the last 3. We had been training a 6/4 run/walk segment, and I felt fairly comfortable with the length of running. Rather than looking at our watches the whole race (which for me spells disaster in the form of the Goon getting to me) we decided to start with a run two streetlights, walk one streetlight pattern. That went well, and we were both feeling good. I have to say that having people around us that were close to our level was very cool. For the entire race, I felt included and as capable as the people around me. There were also lost of people around and behind us throughout the entire race – something I rarely experience. I didn’t even worry about being last.

Mile 1 went by and we were excited. Mile 2 came and we were finally warmed up. I took off my jacket. Mile 3, and then 5K, where we saw the first set of portapotties. Since they weren’t as frequent as we had expected (and since it had been over 2 hours since the last stop) we decided to pause the race and wait in line. It was also a good time for me to try to get the first half of a granola bar down while we were waiting. Nine minutes later, we were on our way, and glad that we had stopped.

We got back on the race course with the intent of just doing 3 more 5k’s. Piece of cake, when you think about it like that, right?. Mile 4 came quickly, and before we knew it we were at mile 5 and had made up most of our potty stop. Mile 6 seemed a little further away, but part of that was due to the fact that the lights were spreading out as we left the downtown area. At some point between miles 6 and 7, there was an aid station with a woman who was handing out salt packets, and I “did the salt”- which was a very good move since we had been out in steadily increasing temperatures for over 1 ½ hours at this point. I also ate the rest of that first granola bar. I tried to take my water in slowly, to prevent stomach sloshing, but for some reason I was experiencing some high stomach cramps. They actually felt like muscle cramps. It was weird, but more mildly annoying than incapacitating. We walked more of mile 7, most of 8 – because my right foot had now gone Morton’s Nueroma Numb, and all of 9. The record should also show that miles 7- 10 were basically straight up hill and into the Papagos. The incline really started to tax our hips, so I was really glad that I had a short visit with Lilac to look forward to after the 10 mile mark. It kept me moving forward and feeling positive. I also didn’t want to hang back and worry her with the time, so we kept up a good walking pace. We hit mile 10, and from that point on, I was in unchartered waters – and I didn’t feel too scared. I slipped on a cup and fell at the aid station after mile 10, but nothing was hurt except my pride.

When I saw Lilac, she had a strangely familiar man by her side. J had decided to cut his own workout short, and met up with her to surprise me at mile 10 – rather than just at the finish line like I had planned. I was so excited to see them both that I was grinning wildly and waving like a fool. It was awesome. We spent maybe 5 minutes talking to them while I tried to down another ½ of a granola bar, and tried to get some feeling in my foot. For the record, this was a very bad idea. With some blood in my toes, the right foot burned like it was on fire through mile 11 and up to the mile 12 marker. It felt like someone was taking a blowtorch to my toe – similar to pins and needles, but really more like hammers and stakes being driven through. Still, our spirits were high, and we knew we had just a little bit longer to go. We walked all of mile 11, and decided in advance to run the second half (downhill portion) of the Mill Ave bridge, and then run from the beginning of the spectator area to the finish.

My second bout of tears came right at the mile 12 marker, as we were getting onto the Mill Ave bridge. I knew that I was going to finish, and it felt great. We survived the bridge, and walked to Sun Devil Stadium. Once we saw the photographers, we started to run, we hit mile 13, and kept on going to the finish line. I didn’t see J and Lilac, but I felt great!

Success! A dream day come true!

Post-Race:
Lady Tiara and I had done it!! We went and collected our medals (which are totally cool, and very heavy) and went to get our post-race pictures. As I looked for J and Lilac, I picked up my gear bag, got out of my sneakers, and went to the family reunion area. Lady Tiara’s brother let me use his phone, and J and Lilac were still at the finish line waiting for me to come through – so we definitely missed each other. They came to the reunion area, where I was sprawled out and stretching on the grass, and we made the long and painful walk back to the train station. It really wasn’t that long, but it sure felt like it was. I hobbled along as best I could, and they waited patiently for me. We packed into the train like sardines, and made our way home.

Once home, I walked to the shower John Wayne style, freshened up, and went for my well-earned hot rock massage. The massage worked out most of the kinks, and most importantly removed a lot of the soreness, since I had to fly cross-country the next morning.

All in all, it was a fabulous race, and I’m so glad that I did it. 26. 2 sounds even more ridiculous, now that I’ve done half of it, but somehow I see long distance running in my future. J

Results: 2268 out of 2458 F 25 – 29 (there were 190 women in my AGE GROUP after me – WOO HOO!) 12240 out of 14046 Female (1,806 women AFTER me), and 19,797 out of 21,953 overall. I’m thrilled.

Chip Time: 3:31:34 – I couldn’t be happier, since that was everything that I had to give.
Splits: 43:26 5K, 1:35:15 10K, and 2:36:18 10.2 Mile

Double Digits, Single Digits…

2009-01-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

My taper has begun. I successfully ran 10.16 miles on Tuesday! I’m sure at some point in the future I’ll look back at this column, and laugh that I think 10 miles is a big deal, but I have to tell you – it really was. To be honest, I actually couldn’t sleep on Monday night, I was so afraid that I wasn’t going to succeed. Even the little sleeping that I was able to do was full of dreams of falling off treadmills, breaking my leg, not being able to find the finish line at the race. I was actually kind of surprised at what a barrier it seemed to be.

In my rational thoughts, I thought I felt fairly confident – it was only .75 miles longer than I had done the previous week, and that previous run was almost a spiritual experience it was so positive. I knew that I had given my body adequate rest, in fact I’ve been treating myself with kid gloves in an effort to stay healthy, and injury free. But somehow I just didn’t feel really confident about it.

The goon wasn’t blasting me like normal, although I did consciously decide to run even though I had gotten no sleep because I figure I won’t sleep before the race either, so it was good practice. But he was being extra conniving… I was just hearing whispers of concerns, no real actual threats of failure, but quiet questioning. The thing that kept cropping up in my head was that I had rarely done 10 miles of running in a week. In fact, in the last year, only 16 weeks were over 10 miles, and 9 of those were barely 10. There were 5 during this training cycle. I’ve only hit 14 miles twice, and I’ve never reached 16. So doing 10 miles in a day was a bigger mental hurdle than I had anticipated.

This is where I would like to thank Dave Matthews Band for Live at the Red Rocks. This disc is about 2 ½ hours long (funny, so was my run), and has a patient, but underlying driving movement to it. It’s absolutely perfect for a long run. There are four separate chill moments, and one of them lasts almost 5 minutes. Every song is between 5 and 15 minutes, and they all make you feel good.

The run itself was not the spiritual cloud-9 experience that I had encountered with my 9 miler, but it was not nearly as bad as I expected. I hit double digits baby! You should have seen my grin. Random people were returning my smile as they walked by and I was finishing up. It was an accomplishment on it’s own.

I’m so glad that I made the decision to attempt a ½ marathon. I feel like my feelings on running have been changed forever. I will never be fast, but for the first time I feel like it’s a natural movement (at least for the first hour). I feel like I have strong legs, a strong core, that my arms are relaxed. It’s just absolutely not how I felt when I was “only” running 3 – 4 miles at a time. I never felt like I had my wind, never felt the “high”, and certainly never experienced such comfortable and easy running. Maybe distance will be my thing? Who knows. I only know that I’m grateful for the gifts that have come with this training. Who knew it could feel so good??!

And so now the countdown continues. As of right now we are 008:22:41:38 from race start. That’s single digits away from the most challenging thing I have ever asked my body to do. I am prepared, I will be well rested, I have the courage to start it, and the desire to finish. I hope that I can celebrate the success as much as I have enjoyed the training.

It is in the translation between intent and action where excellence resides. – Kristin Armstrong

New Years Plans

2009-01-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

OK, by this point, if you’ve actually been reading my blogs, you’ll have learned that I’m a planner. I cannot help it. I’m always on time (10 minutes early). I have to think ahead. If I have no plan, I sleep for 15 hours, get up, read and take in breakfast, and then take an immediate 3 hour nap. I’m not lazy. I just need a reason to get up!

However, with the looming economic crisis, J’s obsession with saving (not complaining at all, but I do feel like I need to be responsible with my discretionary spending), the fact that I feel like I’m pushing Lilac’s very frugal luck every time I say we should do a race, and the fact that race fees have gone up substantially this year (maybe because they assume less people will participate?) I’ve decided to focus on training, and a couple of important races, rather than the *cough*15 races that I completed last year (11 road races, and 4 sprint triathlons). Overkill.

So, without further ado… my plans for 2009. It will be interesting to see how this all looks at the end of the year.

Goal 1: Stay Healthy
This supersedes all other goals listed here. If I do nothing but Goal #1, it will be a successful year. Stay Healthy means no injuries. It means no oreo/ruffle binges, and it means never doing anything today that will keep me from running tomorrow.

Goal 2: Complete a ½ Marathon – January 18th
I’m getting pretty excited about this! We’re less than 2 weeks away, I have one long run left (the 10 miler tomorrow), and after a short test run with Tiara (she is so sparkly, fun, and gosh, she runs Team Tiara) I’m sure we’re well matched, and that the race is going to be a great time!

My reason that my MAIN goal for this is to “complete” the ½, is because, as Tiara knows, race day can surely throw you a curve ball.
Sub goals:
- Ideal: complete race in 3:30
- Super: complete race in 3:20
- Amazing super secret it’s not really even here you haven’t seen this – complete race in anything under 3:20

Goal 3: Push hard at Tri for the Cure – April 19th
I’ve been here before, and I know what this race is about. Of the 30ish races I’ve done, this one was my favorite, so it definitely made the cut. Besides the fact that I practically cried through the whole run portion last year – not because I was exhausted, but because I couldn’t believe I was actually FINISHING A TRIATHLON – I’m ready to make the most of this race. It happens before the temperatures get out of control, the swim is ideal in a 50 meter pool, one at a time. It’s super positive, and the women cheer each other on. I want to feel great when I finish this race and have it be well within my abilities. So beginning on January 24th, this will be my main training focus.
Sub goals:
- Swim in under 10 mins – and finish smooth and strong
- Bike in under 35 mins – riding my mtn bike
- Run in under 25 mins – and feel strong doing it!
- Amazing super secret it’s not really even here you haven’t seen this – finish in under 60 minutes

Goal 4: Take One for the Team – May 17th
This one is interesting because it’s scheduled for the day after Lilac’s wedding in Sedona. I’ll be wearing flats, thank you. Take One for the Team has many meanings for me. I want to race FOR Landis. I’m a member of the club, but have never raced for them. Tempe International is the Club Championships, and we’re going to need every point.

If I race, I get ONE point (I’m not deluding myself into thinking that I could earn more than a point here) that counts towards the team total. So my “one” is for the team, get it?

TAKE ONE… now that’s getting into Tempe Town Lake. The reality is if I want to complete Goal #6 I need some more experience with mass swim starts, and I need to get into that damn lake.
Sub goals:
- Survive the swim
- Enjoy the bike
- Finish the run
- Amazing super secret it’s not really even here you haven’t seen this – To not be the last finisher for the club

Goal 5: Complete all 5 Summer Series Races – May through August, 2009
These races made the cut because there’s a lot of bang for your buck. Five races for $25 is a steal. Plus you get five summer weekends planned out, and Lilac and I promised each other we’d do the 4th of July race forever, so why not go the whole hog? Plus I have unfinished business here. I want to make top 10 in my age group overall. All it’s going to take is a little bit better planning. The things I learned from last year were necessary. I didn’t know the courses, so I didn’t know how to prepare. Now I do. Most important? Don’t be a sissy, and get out and train outside at least once a week in the summer. I think this is necessary for Summer Series success. Number 2, hill work, hill work, hill work. Part C, pick up the speed work. I plan on focusing on these items after Tri for the Cure. Put those together, and I think this summer, it will be what I dreamed for last year.
Sub goals:
- Run under 45 minutes for all races
- Make top 10 in my age group for the overall series
- Amazing super secret it’s not really even here you haven’t seen this – PR at one race. I don’t care which one. Sub - 39:36.

Goal 6: Complete an Olympic Distance Triathlon – September 27th
Yup, you heard it here first. This is on my to-do list for my long term goal (Port Macquarie Australia, 2012), so training for the Olympic distance is going to be my main goal over the course of the summer. The summer series stuff will help, but really this what is going to get me out of bed. Olympic means 1500 meters of swimming (in the dreaded Tempe Town Lake), 24.2 miles of biking, which seems reasonable, and tack on a 10K at the end for giggles.

Initially I wanted to do SOMA, but they aren’t supporting the Quarterman this year – totally upsetting. So the only other option is Nathan’s on September 27th. For some reason Nathan’s doesn’t seem as cool as SOMA… but I guess it will work.
Sub goals:
- Train strong, and be prepared
- Amazing super secret it’s not really even here you haven’t seen this – 40 min swim, 110 min bike, 90 min run.

We’ll see how it goes!

Quote of the week - Don’t pursue happiness – create it!

The Year In Review

2008-12-29T11:47:00.000-08:00

I think I might be the only person who is sad to see 2008 go. It was definitely a “lucky” year for me. I’ve been moved over to strategic planning in my job, something I feel I will enjoy and fit well in, the Celtics won, (the Pats came so close!), the Olympics were incredible, and we elected the first Black president of the U.S. My family and I have come through the year happy, healthy, employed, and looking toward the future.

Personally, this has been a great year for me. When I look back, I am so pleased with the progress that I have made – physically and emotionally.

This year I completed my first triathlon. I still feel the glow and the overwhelming feeling of success in completing it. I was so glad that my brother was there to experience it with me.

My relationship with my best friend has continued to grow, even with her man back from the War. I’m so pleased that we’ve stayed true to our commitments to ourselves and each other.

I also combated the bike/car incident and insane temperatures during the Chances for Children event, and finished dead last. I’ll never be more proud of a finish than that.

I overcame my ruffles and oreo addiction. I’ve lost 20 lbs since I stopped eating them.

I completed the Summer Series this year, and finished a respectable 20th place in my age-group, even after several frustrating races in the heat. By working through each race – the good and the bad – I was able to finish in the top 20% of my age group, and the top 22% of women overall!

I stayed healthy and injury free all year.

The first 10K of my career was done for a great cause (Women for Women) and reminded me of the blessings that I have in everyday life. I wrote 6 things that I was grateful for on my hand and remembered them through each mile – even after I got completely lost on the course.

I logged 38 miles of swimming, 1,076 miles of biking, and 332 miles of running from May to December. I consistently trained throughout the year!

Maybe the most important race for me was the Wondergirl, because it cemented my desires to be part of the Girls on the Run organization. By participating in that race, a whole world of mentoring, giving, and receiving has been shown to me, and I am so grateful for the experiences and for the people I’ve met.

In the next year, I’m looking forward to additional progress – mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’ll be running the P.F. Chang’s ½ Marathon, and focusing on building my training to maybe complete an Olympic distance triathlon towards the end of the season.

My new year’s resolution is to develop additional strategic thinking in work and life. Part of that is patience. Part of that is future thinking. Part of that is perspective. I believe that it is the next step in my personal evolution.

Happy New Year all – I hope that your goals, dreams, and desires lead you to a wonderful 2009!

Winter Wonderland

2008-12-20T08:24:00.000-08:00

Today is Winter Solstice. Throughout the history of the southwest, today was a “power” day. The dreamers, shamans, and sunwatchers had their biggest challenge today – to make Father Sun decided to not give up on humans and turn back to the south to start the beginning of the seasons again. The people would wear their ceremonial outfits and dance their hearts out all day and all night in celebration of LIFE and the hopes of being pronounced worthy. Somehow it always worked out. :)

This morning, when I went for my run, it seemed that some of that power was still resonating… there was feeling of being blissfully alive in the air.

Maybe it was the crisp and cool air in my lungs, the frost in the grass, running through falling leaves, the peaceful quiet of the park I was running in – normally full of shouts of little leaguers and metal bats striking balls - but it was serene out there.

This morning’s weather is not what I would consider “winter” weather. In Massachusetts, today’s weather would have happened in early September, and it would be “Fall” weather, but it was as close as I want to get to cold and snow. If I squinted, I could see the glimmer of the frost and dream that it was snow. I could feel the cold on my face, but it didn’t sting. It was beautiful. Fall was always my favorite running weather – when it feels better to run than to walk, because it keeps you warm – and today was exactly what I was looking for.

I got outside, I ran just under 4 miles, and I felt great doing it. I have to admit that through all of my training, I never thought that I would ever “feel good” while running. Even when I had successful runs, or embraced the running high after a run, I never felt good. Since I decided to modify my training plan and do the P.F. Chang’s ½ Marathon, I have never felt so great! When I start to run I actually feel strong and tall and powerful. It may not last the full ½, but my shorter runs feel almost natural! It’s an added bonus that I didn’t expect to happen, but I am even more grateful that I have stuck with it all this time.

Several years ago, I found the perfect Christmas cards. They were a deep and beautiful blue, with a bright and excessively sparkly snowflake on them. The message said “Once a year, everything becomes magical. Wishing you a season of wonder.” I hope that you all get to experience the magic of the season, and the joy of family time and peace!

P.S. Shout out to the Sole Sports folks who spent 30 minutes with me yesterday diagnosing my second toe numbness as Morton’s Neuroma, and gave me several easy and cheap solutions – tying my shoelaces differently, and a medical pad to put underneath the “metatarsal arch” to prevent pressure in that spot. I tried the shoelace thing first, and I can feel the difference already. No numbness. They really really rock at Sole Sports.

Out of Retirement

2008-12-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

The last few months have been tough for me mentally. Not the workouts themselves, but I went back to weighing myself regularly as I slowly re-improved my diet (the ruffles and oreo kick really hurt me more than I realized). I’ve always hated the scale, especially since my body tends to “get stuck” at certain numbers. I start thinking about nothing but the Number, and forgot about how I feel, how I’ve improved in my workouts and races, and how my clothes fit. All I can get out of my mind is that I’ve lost minimal if any weight from week to week. It stinks. I also have to admit that working with four “perfect” athletes at GOTR did negatively impact my self-image, which is so stupid, because the whole point of GOTR is to get out of the girl box. Still, I’m glad that I was able to show the girls that you can be healthy and active, even if you are slow and fat.

Does the looming Wednesday weigh-in make me reconsider that second handful of peanut M&M’s, yes. Is it worth defining myself by a number? I’m not sure that it is. I’ve been so focused on the number, that I really haven’t noticed the changes that are happening to my body. How do I know that there are changes, even if the scale isn’t reflecting them? Funny you ask…

This year I haven’t had to do nearly the traveling, which means I’ve been basically living in my pj’s. I love pj’s. They are fun, comfortable, and colorful – and very forgiving to the waist line. Since I don’t get out a lot, whenever I do – it’s always a struggle to determine which set of clothing I’m going to fit into. You ladies know what I’m talking about – I have my “skinny” clothes, my “normal” clothes, and my “fat” clothes. Generally I start with the fat clothes, and only if they are really too big do I work my way down. Saves the heartache.

So the week before last, I had to go into the office on a Friday. It was pretty cold out, yet I didn’t want to get dressed up because I was traveling for the next two weeks, and would spend plenty of time in uncomfortable slacks. However, my staple skirts were really too big – falling off big - and it was too cold to expose my legs. Since I was just looking around the closet, I said what the heck? I’m going to try on those old jeans. The old jeans that were officially retired over a year ago… because I was about to split the rear-end.

Up and zip, no struggle. I couldn’t believe it! They were actually comfortable!! I called everyone I knew to tell them my retired jeans were working for me! I was so excited that I even tried on the “skinny” jeans (not to be confused with “skinny jeans” which are ugly) and they fit too! Rather than try everything on that I owned, I decided to leave myself glowing that something was coming out of retirement.

Well I packed for my trip, and honestly didn’t even think about trying any of my retired slacks on. I just grabbed my current pants, some tops, and threw them in the suitcase. It was when I got to Greenville that I realized my pants were way too big. Oh well, at least I was comfortable, right?

Well last night, even though I’m suffering through my bi-annual time, I decided to try on some of my other clothes. This was not because I thought any of them fit – it was more because I don’t have 4 outfits to wear into the office this week without repeating from last week.

Guess who is wearing her favorite pair of retired chocolate slacks? With a retired brown patterned blouse? Guess who will be wearing three pairs of completely retired outfits this week??!!

I guess sometimes the scale really doesn’t matter… because my closet is coming out of retirement, and this time I don’t think I’ll be going back to the fat clothes. A slow steady decrease done without serious dieting means that my lifestyle is successfully healthy as it is!

Volunteering - The Greatest Gift

2008-12-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

Today was the Iron Girl race. This race means a lot to me, as I ran it with Mom , Lilac, and her mom last year. It’s a great race because it’s all about supporting women of all ages and abilities, and nurturing their desire to be active, healthy, and have strong relationships with other women.
This year, the race had a different, yet equally special meaning, because all of the Girls on the Run schools from Maricopa County were running in it as their big end of season race. It was a beautiful day, if a little chilly, and I just want to share some of the moments.

I arrived (first of course, damn my time issues) to a very dark, but quiet and peaceful Tempe Town Lake. All of the signage and staging that we had set up the previous day were still in tact, which we were nervous about, and so I had an opportunity to stand on our little hill, and serenely breathe in the early morning crispness.

Yeah, that serenity didn’t last long, but it was all the more precious because of it. Our first girl showed up 45 minutes early (and I thought I had time issues).

All of our girls came to the race, which I would have bet money against.

One of my Hannah’s (we have 4) mom came up to me before the race, and told me that her daughter just loves me, and that she appreciates the time and positive messages that I’ve taught her daughter. Her eyes welled up with feeling, and my heart rejoiced that I’ve been able to make a difference with even one girl.

I was in charge of GOTR tattoo application, which means I had the coldest fingers in the park – those freezing cold wet face cloths (and my hands) made the girls shriek and wince, but every single one of them told me it “wasn’t that cold” and I knew that they weren’t going to let the goon get to them today! Even the running buddies joined in on the fun.

Lilac came, and ran with a girl from Clarendon – someone who wasn’t a barnacle, which I think was good, and will build her confidence as a running buddy after what we’ll call the “Laveen Fiasco”.

The girls warmed up, did their favorite cheer (Dynamite), responded to a rousing speech from our head coach, and lined up to start the race. I went up to the Mill Ave bridge where I could cheer the girls on, let them know it was all downhill from there, and count off to make sure we got all of the girls.

First one in, Jamie – no surprise there. She ran a 27 min 5K. Only about 15 minutes faster that I can run one….Then came Megan, and I’m so glad she was smiling, because she had really put a lot of pressure on herself to do well. 33 minutes. Then came … Zora??!! No way! Then Maurissa - I was shocked out of my sneakers! Then Kiley came charging through, with Madison right behind her. Then Abby, Vivica, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah, Lauren running her heart out on an injured leg, Sofia, Sedona, Ariana, Landry and Kayla, Alissa, Lissett, Noha way before I expected her, Marissa with her mom, Natalee looking proud, Breannon hanging in there while not feeling well, Gabby looking strong, Aly working it, Erin with her pink boa and crown (her running buddy was similarly attired), Lynsey looking for the finish line, Alondra – I’m so glad for her, she worked so hard! I had lost my voice halfway through, and still kept screaming and cheering. It was, as the girls like to say “Magical.”

“The love we give away is the only love we keep.” Elbert Hubbard

Every single one of those girls was smiling, and radiating vibrantly with a tremendous feeling of success and of accomplishment. It’s something that will stick with me and that I’ll keep in my back pocket when the goon is after me, and I need something to lift my spirits. Their smiles are etched in my memory.

And then there was Tiazhe… last on my list… and never crossed the finish line. Never. After about 90 minutes we started to panic, and had the race announcer calling for her. We checked with the computer guys, and we hadn’t missed her, she hadn’t crossed. Did she get lost in the 10 mile group? Did she and her cousin take off and go to breakfast? I still don’t know what happened.

One of the Bustoz coaches came up to me afterward, and said that she was glad that I was part of the program, and that I made a big difference. I have no idea what I did to deserve that, but it felt great to hear it.

Lilac and I went to breakfast, and there we saw the Hannah that most reminds me of shy, awkward, pre- ‘beautiful butterfly’ Lilac. Her mom mentioned as they were leaving that Hannah had come home right before Thanksgiving and said “Coach Eileen said her Dad puts different kinds of apples in his apple pies, and I want to try that with my pie this year”. The pie apparently came out great, and they’ll be doing it again that way. You can make a difference with even the smallest statements!

This program has taught me so much this season. I’ve learned:

- How to be an Indian, and hold back my inner-Chief, a struggle, let me tell you.
- That I’ve gotten back more than I gave, and that it came in ways I hadn’t expected.
- The ‘I feel, when you, because, I would like for you to’ statements. They really do work.
- There is more to life than whether or not my projects get implemented perfectly, and as much as it feels like it, the fire at my desk is actually not going to consume my life unless I allow it.
- That you can make a difference with every girl - maybe not in the same way, or with the same amount of impact - but every moment with these girls provides an opportunity to give them something meaningful.

“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” - Maya Angelou

Travel Time

2008-12-03T15:45:00.000-08:00

Well just to make up for this fabulous year of not too much travel, we’re going to pack it all in during the last few weeks of the year. This might have caused a previous Eileen to panic because her training plan for PF Chang’s was getting interfered with (6 weeks!), but not this Eileen. This Eileen can roll with the punches, and will!

How will I compensate for the fact that I’ll be spending a week in Greenville, SC, and another in Chandler, but with all of my peeps here, requiring that I actually beautify myself for long days in the office (which definitely cuts into my gym time)? Simple. I’m going to do my long runs on Mondays, instead of Tuesdays. I’m going to give myself flexibility to do whatever I can while I’m in Greenville, and I’m not going to beat myself up about it – even if that means doing sprints in the parking lot , jogging around the hotel building, stair climbing, or getting that extra hour of sleep I so desperately need. There’s always plank and down facing dog. (Where is my Runnersworld magazine…it’s 12/3, it should be here by now!)

What about the 15 hour days I’m scheduled to work? Well I’m still going to work them. I’m also still going to take care of business after hours even though my work computer can’t connect to anything. I’m still going to go out to dinner with my team, and whatever else I have to do. And I’m not going to be freaking out about it. At the end of the day, it’s better for my body to get more rest if needed, and I’m not going to get upset about maybe not getting in that 110 minute bike ride I had planned. Really, it’s ok. I’ll survive.

Never do anything today that will keep you from running tomorrow… or six weeks from now. As long as I get my long runs in – which will not be a problem – I’m going to be fine. I have confidence in myself, and my ability to think clearly, and not do stupid things just so I can put it in my log.

I’ll use those 15 hour days as practice for my first Ironman challenge – staying awake that long!

Turkey Trot 2008

2008-11-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

I’m thankful for 23:45!

OK, totally self-centered, but I’ll get into what I’m truly grateful for in a second! I’m also not going to do an actual race report for this one, because the day was about more than just a race.

For my second annual Mesa Mi Amigo’s Turkey Trot 2 Miler, I had to go it alone, because Lilac was having her first Thanksgiving at her house today. Since Thanksgiving is her favorite holiday, and has she has a family of 2 million, I decided to not give her grief for not following through on our life long plans to run every turkey trot until we can no longer run. There’s always next year.

I had checked that the race would be on rain or shine, since it was definitely raining today, and sure enough, it was, so I got ready to end my season with a beautiful run in the rain! (For Arizonans, a rainy race is a real treat, and something that we cherish during the blistering hot summer races).

I had a fairly good run on Sunday, and I was convinced that I could go 27 minutes (a 3 min PR)… until I had a truly horrendous run on Tuesday, which made me hope I could just get through it today. I got to the event, just in time, and enjoyed people watching all the extended families with kids and grandparents who run this race. It’s such a cool experience on a holiday morning to watch families getting out there and running together. Our collective main goal, as a field, was to run hard, and then eat hard. At least that was my goal!

Race gun went off, and I ran to the turn, walked to the light, ran to the turn around walked a bit, ran to the light, walked to the park, and ran it in. 23:45 – a 6 min 15 second PR, and it felt really easy! I felt like I was trotting along easily, except for the first time ever I was passing people even who were running, and no one passed me walking while I was runnig! I know the field maybe wasn’t the most athletic, but it felt pretty cool to pass other people running, I must say.

I grinned from ear to ear, called my entire family, and then went home to settle in to let J cook for me.

Except I could tell that he wasn’t really feeling like cooking, so I took over the reigns and made the meal (for those of you who don’t know, my cooking skill prior to today centered around making cereal and toast. I also make a mean dry pb and j sandwich, but that’s about all.)

And so for the litany –

I am thankful that the turkey, red mashed potatoes, yams, and gravy all came out ok – in fact, even pretty good!

I am thankful that I have a job, a home, and money in the bank.

I am thankful for J, for the easy camaraderie we share, the love that continues to grow between us, and for the ability to spend a nice quiet Thanksgiving together (my first one at home in a decade).

I am thankful that I have my brother in town, and that I got a chance to see Dad this year for a beautiful weekend.

I’m thankful that my relationship with my mom continues to grow.

I’m thankful for Lilac, and everything we get to share together. She’s my rock, and she rocks.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to share my words and thoughts with others, and get to learn about other people who train, and tri, and experience life through the blog world. You are all awesome!

And I’m thankful for a 6:15 PR, because it means that the 85 hours, and 291 miles that I’ve run since Tri for the Cure have actually paid off!

Woo hoo!

I’ll see you in 2012

2008-11-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

So I’m not a huge fan of the standard 5 year plan. I get way too anxious for that kind of thing. Reigning myself into a standard 1 year plan is hard enough. However, this weekend I volunteered at the Ironman Arizona, and after watching athletes of all shapes and sizes, of all ages, from around the globe, I had a driving need to put something down on paper. I’m officially inspired!

I’ve said all along that one of the things that I love about triathlon is that you can slowly grow with it. I’ve also said that I wanted to enjoy every distance before pounding myself through the next distance, so this is the way I laid out my plan, retroactive to April 2008. obviously there will be other races, but this is the skeleton of my year selection.

2008
- Sprint finish
- Sprint enjoy
- Run a 10K

2009
- Sprint compete
- Olympic finish
- Olympic enjoy
- Run a ½ marathon

2010
- Olympic compete
- Half Ironman finish
- Run a ½ marathon in the spring, another in the fall

2011
- Half Ironman enjoy
- Half Ironman compete
- Run a full marathon in the summer

2012
- Finish an Ironman

Now the only place I have to determine is where. I’m totally convinced that if I’m going to train for something like this, then I’m damn sure I’m going to go someplace outside of the US for it. For me, that’s a requirement. I’ve spent the morning looking, and here is my shortlist –

Goto, Nagasaki, Japan – This one got nixed because it’s Nagasaki. Sorry, I think nuclear bombs when I think of Nagasaki. Maybe it’s just me.

Haikou, Hainan, China – I nixed this one because I’m not swimming in the water in China. I’ve seen that water in person.

Taupo, New Zealand – This one is appealing because New Zealand is beautiful, and the population is small. However, I’ve been to New Zealand, and there are other places I think I’d rather go.

Florianopolis Island, Brazil – This one has serious possibilities. My only concern is learning to say “ice water” in Portuguese but I’m pretty sure I could manage it. It’s a serious contender.

Port Macquerie, NSW, Australia, or Busselton, Western Australia – If I was leaning in one direction, it would probably be on the Port Macquerie side, since it’s close to Sydney. However, the Western Australia one is in December, and I may need that time.

Now, I know that my “been there, done that” message from China and New Zealand should apply here, but to be honest, I really really loved the sportive and personality aspects of Australia when I was there, and there’s a part of me that would love to do an Ironman there – and feel the embodiment of the freedom that the Aussies represent to me. Actually, being completely honest with myself, I’d really love to do the Geelong 70.3. It’s in Geelong, Victoria, Australia, which is near Melbourne, and I just loved all of Victoria when I went to visit.

So really, from an Ironman perspective it’s basically Australia or Brazil for me. I won’t mention that I also looked at the state and national flowers for all of the locations, already envisioning my IM tattoo. Brazil’s water lily is the best. Yes, I get that detailed when I daydream.

If I could do Geelong in February 2011, then I could do Brazil in at the end of May 2012, and be totally happy. My wallet might not be, but who knows what will happen. Right now if I had to pick one, I’m picking Port Macquerie, NSW, Australia - April 8th, 2012.

See you then!

Change is the Essence of Life

2008-11-18T05:47:00.001-08:00

Well, due to some family issues, which because of privacy concerns I will not be disclosing, it looks like the trip to Orlando in March has been cancelled. See that big red CANCELLED stamp on my ½ marathon dreams? I sure felt it when the stamp came slamming down, but I think it’s the right decision for our collective sanity, and sometimes you have to take one for the team. At least I hadn’t submitted my registration fee yet, since I’d really be upset if I had already sent Disney my non-refundable $150.

I’m not willing to give up my ½ plans yet, though nothing else perfectly fits my planning the same way. When I initially decided to try a ½, my selection requirements were:
- Make it a big race, so you’re not alone the whole time (see – Run for Congo)
- It’s got to be either a women’s only race, OR a rock n’ roll. A women’s only rock n’ roll would be ideal, but someone hasn’t decided to put that race on yet. Trust me, it would be a great time.

My first thought was San Diego, but they only do the full marathon. I’m never ever running in LA – I might wear the wrong color and be shot at. San Jose, San Antonio, and Virginia Beach just don’t call to me. Seattle is definitely an option, but it’s at the end of June. I’d love to do the Nike Women's ½, but it’s not until October, and it’s already sold out. Eugene would be awesome and beautiful, but it’s a little intimidating to go to Tracktown for your first ½. That leaves our own P.F. Chang’s ½, on January 18th, 2009.

By the way, that is less than 9 weeks away.

My initial thought was NO!!!!!!! I had previously done the math, and had planned on being at about 8 miles of weekly long run two weeks before the race. I did not think it was realistic to pound out an extra 5+ miles on race day, which is why I started looking at March races. However, a combination of a little bit more speed than I planned, and a really successful and injury free year has meant that I’m a little bit ahead of schedule.

I had also shunned the idea of doing a “1/2 marathon training plan” primarily because every training plan I’ve followed has gotten me nothing but injuries, and I feel like the plan I’ve developed myself - the slow and steady plan – has kept me healthy, and for most part it has kept me focused and engaged. So I looked at my plan again after the Cancellation Stamp slammed down, to see if there was any wiggle room.

After some thought, I’ve decided to:
- Up just my long run days by 10 mins per week instead of 5 (keeping to the ABC formula, except that I’d go A,B,C,recovery, D,E,F,recovery, versus my current A,B,C,recovery, repeat C,D,E,recovery.
- To compensate for the added stress that I’ll be putting on my body on long run days, I’m going to keep my other training days to 100 mins or under.
- I will use swimming time from now until February 1 as recovery and efficiency of stroke practice only!
- I will really really really do a better job with my stretching.
- I will do NO running for at least 1 week after the race.

Putting this together should have me at 10.5 – 11 miles for a long run with 2 weeks out. I feel confident that if I can run 10 or 11 miles, I can add that 5K on at the end.

I can do this. I have the confidence in myself. And there’s something to be said for doing your first ½ at home. I can eat the right things the night before. I can be totally mentally prepared. I can go home and sleep in my own bed afterward with my really comfy red velvet blanket that’s heavy enough to keep me dreaming safely.

If I can’t be a princess, I guess my next choice would be to run in a Chinese (food) race, right? I can wear my Xing Fu necklace for incentive too!

And so I leave you with the quote that I am going to embrace during this somewhat shortened training plan -

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender who you are for who you could become.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Red Letter Week

2008-11-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

It has been an amazing week. I’m not sure how it happened, but I’ve had ups and downs, and it’s been a real week of learning about myself.

First, I promise I’m not getting political here, but as a bi-racial woman, I have to say that it was really cool to see Obama get elected. I don’t think I ever realized that there was a hidden ceiling in my mind about what I could accomplish, but if it was there, it crumpled on Tuesday night. I actually did stay up and watch it, and it was spectacular. I really wish that I had been in Chicago – I bet it would have been pretty remarkable to experience live. As it was, having MSNBC announce it at 9pm (my time) and then go straight to the crowds in Chicago, DC, and NYC, and see the celebration for 5 solid minutes with no voice-overs (yes I checked my watch) was pretty cool. We may never see that kind of joyous celebration of Acceptance again, and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to see it – unedited.

It’s funny because Wednesday morning, for the first time in a LONG time, I felt a sense of rampant optimism flooding my veins, and feeling like maybe, just maybe, we had a shot again, and that things could eventually get better. I’m sure I flashed one too many smiles, but it wasn’t even about political feelings, it was a release of a feeling of oppression, and overwhelming negativity that I didn’t even realize was bogging me down.

From a training perspective, my struggle with focus has led me to actually try some new things. Trying new things is NOT in my lexicon, generally speaking. I took a test several years ago that told you your Chinese elemental profile. It was deceptively simple, but had profound thoughts on balancing yourself. It was supposed to tell you an element that you had an excess off (your main element) and an element that you were deficient in, to help you balance yourself out. Except, I was so metal (think strong, sharp, straight lined form, consistent, sparkling, penetrating, unbendable, unyielding, cold) that it just told me that I had an excess of metal twice. Apparently I’m deficient in everything else. The number one thing that the test suggested to balance myself was:

“Try something that you’re not good naturally good at. Take a yoga class, or try to cook something new. You need to be uncomfortable in order to grow.”

This has stuck with me since I took the test. I still park in the same parking spot, and I still do things in a particular order every day, and I still drive the same way, and I still prepare for the day the same way, but at least I know that I SHOULD be trying new things. It’s just really really hard for me to experiment, when I always want my end result to be successful. I know that my current path is successful, but who can say that the new one will be?? Failure can put me in a tailspin. So, putting the stationary bike on “Random” instead of “Manual” is a real challenge. This week though, I did it. I also mixed up my three event day, so I biked throughout rather than just doing them in order. I ran at the bike park, outside. I made a “chicken lettuce wrap” meal for dinner this week. I’ve been doing extra stretching, specifically plank pose and down-facing-dog sets. My iPod has been on random, rather than in order – although this is because of a software glitch, and I’ll admit is absolutely driving me crazy - but it’s refreshing to hear some songs I’ve forgotten about in a different order.

So far, none of these things has been a failure, and maybe it’s even added a little fun to my day, and allowed me to focus in a different way from the consistency that I’m used to.

No word on the job front, for either team. I did hear that Mr. Turkey Sandwich got an interview, and my initial reaction was to be completely and totally bitter about the fact that I’m going to get looked over for someone who has literally schedules his calls around Oprah. It’s a total slap in the face that I would be looked over for that clown. Of course I still don’t know if I’m going to get to interview or not, but this was just my initial reaction. I spent the evening stewing about all the work that I’ve done, and all of the Oprah I’ve missed out on.

This time, J exposed me to his wisdom, which was simple – who cares if I get a manager position or not? Really, will it define me? The truth is that it will not. If I don’t get one of the manager positions, I’ll simply get the opportunity to spend more time focusing on myself and my priorities. I can coach in the spring for GOTR, I can continue to focus on my health, I can not stress out about work, because I’ll still be a minion, and that will be ok with me. Success means more stress, more travel, a little more money, but a lot more crap. So I’ve come to grips with it either way. I will be at peace regardless, and I will be able to move in a positive direction regardless.

"Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas JOY arises from within" - Eckhart Tolle